porn

[shamefaced]

:-[I need help to get away from this bondage. I watch porn on the web and I know that it is an evil spirit. I have accepted christ but I had an affair with a married man and then it started. It is affecting my son. Need some serious help. Am I possed?

[kanyon]

Dear Guest:

Please know first of all that you are loved by God.

Pornography strikes at the root of our flesh and demands attention and self satisfaction.

May I encourage you to seek out an elder sister in the Lord, share your heart with her and begin the process of rebuilding your life and experience in the Lord.

It is unfortunate but you are not alone. It is good that you have come forward to ask for help.

May I encourage you to seek the Lord, read His word and pray in the Holy Ghost.

Don't sit and wallow in self condemnation but look for a seasoned elder sister who can counsell you.

God bless you

[giantsdodie]

First things Sister I will say to you is that you are not alone in your fight. God is with you. Secondly I will say that there are other women of God dealing with this issue as well. Many times this is seen as a " man thing " but there are amany women who deal with this on a daily basis.

In answer to your question about possession I would say that most likely no. Possession is not the normal state of being even for non believers and certain is not for the Christian who belongs to Jesus. What I would say is that you are definitely being influenced by demonic spirits and oppressed by demonic spirits. The particular spirits that run with pornography are whoredoms, perversion and bondage.

How do you get free. The book of James says sumbit yourselves therefore to GOD, resist the devil and he will flee. Sumbit yourself to God. Repent, confess your sins. Then immerse yourself in the things of God. Build your relationship with HIM through prayer, reading the Word, Praise, Worship, and Fasting. You must also KILL your flesh. This is key. The flesh must be killed. It cannot be reasoned with, it cant be bargained with, it must be KILLED. God doesnt do that for us. WE must do that.

Then we must resist the devil. We must say no everytime there is a temptation. Even to the point of saying no OUT LOUD. There is no sin in being tempted. We are all tempted. The sin is when we give into the temptation.

Also key is to realize that you develop soul ties to the individuals that you watch. And those must be broken through prayer.

Kanyon also gave great advice in finding a sister in the Lord that you can make yourself accountable to. One of the enemies greatest tricks is to cause people to suffer alone in shame instead of getting the prayer, love, help and support that is needed to help them overcome.

[Nikkol]

There are a few things that you can do:

1) Get rid of the computer.

2) Install on of those programs which blocks all that type of material on your computer

3) If you have a GOOD friend, have it set up so that every site you go to is automatically sent to this person so that they can be your accountability partner. Sometimes, knowing that someone else knows what you are doing may help as well.

[giantsdodie]

Well Getting Rid of a computer might be a problem because it might be a family computer.

Installing the programs dont work for many people simply because if you install the program you know HOW to remove it or disable it temporarily.

[keita]

shamefaced said:

:-[I need help to get away from this bondage. I watch porn on the web and I know that it is an evil spirit. I have accepted christ but I had an affair with a married man and then it started. It is affecting my son. Need some serious help. Am I possed?

Peace and Blessings, My Sister!

God Bless you for sharing your struggle, seeking help and opening up this subject. Pornography was a BIG part of my life before Christ and in my case, His wonderful and free gift of salvation didn't include wiping away those vivid images and stored memories. My testimony is that though the temptation to "go there" may continue, I am a witness that, in Christ, we can indeed be victorious in overcoming it.

HALLELUJAH!!!

I will be praying for you...FOR REAL!

[keita]

Here is some enlightening information for all of us:

Pornography: A Woman's Struggle, Too
It's No Longer Just Men Who Deal with Sexual Sin
Feature by Jason Collum

(AgapePress) - It's no longer just a man's problem.

One in six women in America share a common situation: they struggle with pornography. Sadly, that number includes many Christian women, too. Even more sad, though, is many of these women feel they are alone in this struggle, not knowing or feeling that other sisters in Christ -- maybe even friends -- are going through the same painful ordeal.

Anyone wanting proof of how widespread and problematic the use of pornography has become among women need only look at some surprising statistics:

Today's Christian Woman magazine recently polled its readers about whether they used pornography, and 34% responded that they had intentionally sought out pornography on the Internet.

According to Nielsen NetRatings, nearly one in three visitors to adult websites is female. Using these statistics, Nielsen estimated that 9.4 million women in the United States accessed pornography online in September 2003.

Organizations and ministries such as Pure Life Ministries, based in Dry Ridge, Kentucky, have been seeing a dramatic increase in the number of women seeking help in breaking free from sexual sin. Pure Life is a ministry primarily focused on helping men break free from such practices.

Kathy Gallagher, whose husband Steve founded Pure Life Ministries, has seen many of the e-mail requests for help, and has talked to several women who have called. And, having been through her and her husband's own battles with pornography, she knows a little bit about what might lead a woman down that path.

Loneliness, being abused as a child, or having been introduced to pornography are among the reasons some women give for viewing pornography. Whatever the reason, though, Gallagher said sexual sin has the same consequences for women that it does for men.

"Someone might say that it's better for a single person to look at pornography for self-gratification than for them to go out and have sex," Gallagher said. "But pornography is just as destructive for a woman as it is for a man. It will hollow out your soul."

The Internet as Instigator

The interactivity and the anonymity of the Internet have had probably the greatest effect on the growing problem among women and pornography. Chat rooms and websites featuring romantic or erotic literature might be a woman's initial lure to viewing porn.

Today's Christian Woman recounts the story of a woman, called Maggie, who found herself drawn to read such material online. In one instance, a man Maggie had met in a chat room e-mailed her a link to a story online that he said made him think of her when he read it. The fact that in the story the heroine was smart, funny and beautiful made Maggie feel flattered, and the story also aroused her, leading her to recall the physical "high" of sex she missed since her divorce. That led her to read more stories, many of which had links to photographs of couples in various stages of intimacy.

When Maggie's mind swung back to the real world, she realized she'd been online surfing a porn site for more than three hours, and any high she might have felt was quickly replaced by the low of knowing not only had she once again done something she promised herself she wouldn't do, but that she'd also let down God, and didn't know if He would forgive her.

While erotic literature -- and even some romance novels -- are slowly drawing women into pornography, today's hypersexualized society has also led women, like men, to be drawn into porn initially by the visual stimulation they receive.

"We're seeing a dramatic increase in the number of women who are hooked into pornography and other more behavioral ways of acting out," said Dr. Mark Laaser, in an interview with Christianity Today's Marriage Partnership. Laaser heads the Christian Alliance for Sexual Recovery, and has worked with hundreds of pornography addicts and their families. "Historically, we would have said women are addicted to romance novels or women are addicted to chat rooms. That's still somewhat the case, but it's changing. If you look at women 30 to 35, in that age range and under, they're getting more visual. They're getting more aggressive .... Culture is rewiring the female brain. And I literally mean rewiring -- neurochemically, neuroanatomically, women are getting rewired to be more visual and aggressive."

That's an assertion Gallagher agrees with. She said today's generation of young women grew up in a culture where sex has saturated nearly every form of entertainment. Desensitization can occur easily in such a situation.

What About as a Marital Aid?

Gallagher said there are three types of women: those who will not look at pornography for any reason, those who get into it because of their boyfriends or husbands, and those who get into it on their own.

"In most cases we've seen, the women have gotten into it because they were introduced to it by someone else, usually a boyfriend or husband," she said.

She and others refute the idea that a husband and wife can benefit from viewing pornography together. Marnee Faree, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Nashville, Tennessee, told Today's Christian Woman of a woman, Julie, who had viewed X-rated sex videos with her husband after hearing it would rejuvenate their sex life. "That's the ugliest lie out there," Julie said. "Instead of bringing you closer, it drives a wedge between you and your spouse."

Donna Rice Hughes, president of Enough is Enough, an organization working to make the Internet safe for these families, echoed that statement. She told The Plain Dealer (Cleveland, Ohio) newspaper that while viewing X-rated films might rouse a couple's interest for a while, "real women with real varicose veins and real body fat" lose in the end because they cannot compete with the forever young and cosmetically kept appearances of women on such videos.

In addition, the erotic nature of some tapes sold as "instructional" videos for couples can spur involvement with pornography.

What to Do

Gallagher believes when a person has a problem with pornography, it directly relates to his or her walk with God. She does not say this in a judgmental way, though, having been through her own battles with pornography. Sexual sin is the same as any other sin in that it hurts or damages a person's walk with God.

In talking with Today's Christian Woman, Faree agreed, and said what women need is not someone to be judgmental, but to be understanding.

"Women addicted to porn need professional therapy with a Christian counselor and a renewed sense of kinship with other women who understand," Faree said. "The worst thing you can do with these women is lecture them about praying more or asking God for help. They've already done that, often to the point of despair. They do need to be held accountable for their sins, but they also need help, support and unconditional love."

If the problem of pornography is online, women will want to give serious thought to using a filtered Internet service, such as BSafe Online, which can prevent them from accessing such websites. However, that may only stop one way of accessing pornography. Truly breaking free of sexual sin takes a recommitment to God. Gallagher recommends women read At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Pure Life's book about breaking free from sexual sin and restoring one's walk with God.

In the end, Hughes said it is only God who can give a woman -- or a man -- the strength to break free from the grip of pornography. "I don't believe true healing can happen without the power of Jesus' blood," she told Today's Christian Woman. "Many people in the church struggle because while they've changed their behavior, the images from pornography exposure still are there. Christ has to renew their minds."

2004 AgapePress all rights reserved.

[keita]

(From: Today's Christian Woman)

Dirty Little Secret
Men aren't the only ones lured by Internet porn. A revealing look at the shameful addictions of a rising number of Christian women.

by Ramona Richards


34 %. That's how many readers of Today's Christian Woman's online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn in a recent poll. While many women wrote in to explain they'd accessed these sites to better understand what was luring their husbands time and again, it was the other e-mails—from Christian women who shared about their own Internet porn addiction—that caught our attention. Apparently online sex addiction isn't just a male problem anymore. Read on for startling statistics about this new phenomenon, personal insights from those who are hooked, information about pioneering ministries reaching out to these addicts, and hope that exists in the face of this disturbing trend.
—the editors


Maggie* had promised herself she would stop. But at the end of another long day filled with work and errands, church and choir practice, carting her daughter to school and helping her with homework, she was beat. After she'd finally gotten her daughter to bed, Maggie fixed herself a cup of peppermint tea and sat down to read her e-mail. She vowed that was all she'd do.

It was a promise she broke less than 15 minutes later.

One of her e-mails was from Bob*, a man she'd met in a chatroom who'd helped ease the loneliness that had followed her divorce. After a sweet greeting, Bob wrote that he'd thought of her when he read a story online, and he included a link to the story. Maggie knew she shouldn't read it; she suspected it was an erotic story that would tap into an addiction she'd been trying to break for several months. But his words were enticing: She'd been on Bob's mind when he read it, and his interest in her made her feel important.

She clicked the link.

The story's heroine was smart, funny, and beautiful, and Maggie felt flattered. The story also aroused her, recalling the delicious intimacy and the physical "high" of sex she missed so much since her divorce. Maggie didn't want to let go of that, so she read another story. Then another. Some of the stories had links to photographs that showed couples gently caressing each other, then becoming more intimate. The high continued as long as she clicked.

As Maggie finished a fifth story, she reached for her teacup and discovered it was ice cold. Startled, she looked at the clock. It was after midnight, and she'd been surfing a porn site for more than three hours.

Disgusted, Maggie turned off her computer and went to bed. The high was gone and she felt lower than when she'd started. Tears flooded her pillow as she begged the God she'd known and loved for years to give her help, direction, and answers. She'd never felt so alone.

Not Just a Man's Issue

Unfortunately, Maggie isn't alone. One of the great myths about pornography addiction is that it's only a male problem. Although the church has begun to recognize that pornography addiction is almost an epidemic among Christians, most ministry programs still focus on men as addicts and their wives as victims.

Yet the statistics are both startling and terrifying: One out of every six women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography. That's 17 percent of the population, which, according to a survey by research organization Zogby International, is the number of women who truly believe they can find sexual fulfillment on the Internet.

Surprisingly, many of the women who find themselves drawn to online porn sites are much like Maggie, a respected business owner. These women are wives, moms, and sisters who all profess faith in Jesus Christ; they have normal jobs, attend church regularly, and sing in the choir. Though their lives appear normal on the surface, they're hiding a dirty little secret from their families, friends, and colleagues.

So how—and why—does an average Christian woman become addicted to pornography?

According to Marnie Ferree, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinician at the Woodmont Hills Counseling Center in Nashville, one of the few centers in the country that treats female sexual addiction, the draw of pornography can be as complicated as childhood sexual abuse—or as simple as unresolved loneliness. Marnie, a recovered sex addict and the author of No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Shame, counsels more than 50 women each year and fields calls from almost that many each month.

Typical of the type of women Marnie counsels is Julie, a young wife and mother from Georgia, who first saw pornography as a child in the home of a relative, and whose curiosity led her to explore it further as she grew older. She and her husband later rented X-rated videos after hearing it would help their faltering sex life. "That's the ugliest lie out there," Julie explains. "Instead of bringing you closer, it drives a wedge between you and your spouse!" As many couples who turn to porn experience, their marriage continued to falter, since they now also were dealing with unrealistic expectations. As the problems persisted, Julie's husband withdrew from her and she turned to porn to ease her increasing loneliness. "I was using it as a tool to escape the problems in my marriage."

Loneliness also is the reason Rose*, a single mom, turned to porn. She didn't go looking for it in the beginning. "I was seeking companionship. In chatting with other lonely people struggling in their marriages, I learned of some Internet sites I could visit to make friends and have fun. At first, the sexual talk in these chatrooms seemed harmless and non threatening. My loneliness and craving to feel wanted drew me into relationships I really didn't want."

Lacey*, who's 30 and single, wasn't particularly lonely, but she was in search of her "soul mate." She'd developed her ideas of romance and love from popular novels, and believed much of a woman's worth is based on her sexuality—which led her to Internet pornography.

Women desiring to find companionship often prefer cybersex and online chatrooms to porn sites that offer only pictures and graphic stories, but they eventually start surfing both. All forms of pornography can stimulate the user, releasing chemicals in the brain that act on the body in much the same way as cocaine does. It's an exhilarating but unfortunately short-lived euphoria. The loneliness returns, leaving the woman wanting more contact and more stimulation, thus creating the cycle of addiction.

This need for connection doesn't always stop at cybersex, which leads to one of the more alarming statistics about a woman's addiction to pornography. "More than 80 percent of women who have this addiction take it offline," says Marnie Ferree. "Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs."

The Lure of a Triple Threat

One of the lures of Internet pornography lies in the fact you don't have to go anywhere or spend any money to become seduced by it. More than 70 percent of porn sites offer free images and stories to draw in people. The abundance of sexually related "spam" (unwanted e-mails) also lures many unsuspecting computer users. According to Marnie, easy access is one of the three As of pornography: accessibility, anonymity, and affordability, reflecting research reported by the Sexual Recovery Institute of Los Angeles. That combination makes becoming an addict incredibly easy.

And, since more than 25 million people visit porn sites every week and one out of every ten websites is dedicated to explicit sex, this industry is quite profitable. The mere financial details about online pornography are overwhelming. Seventy-four percent of all revenue collected online comes from porn sites, which amounts to almost $1.2 billion annually. Thirty-one percent of all online users have visited porn sites, and 60 percent of all website visits are sexual in nature.

Beth, a former missionary and one of Marnie's clients, knows about this firsthand. "I would spend literally hours on the computer surfing for porn. At one point, I spent three to five hours daily. I neglected the very thing I longed for: relational intimacy with my friends."

Rose neglected her housework, even her children. Julie neglected her husband and her home, often spending all day on the computer. Maggie says it was her spiritual life that suffered the most: "When you're not doing it, you're thinking about it. Pornography crowds out God and everything else."

Lacey agrees. "The thought of reading porn, or alternatively, the condemnation I felt once I'd fallen into sin, took a lot of time. I would go to church and think about how I didn't deserve to be there."

"It's an insidious industry," Maggie says. "I hate it. And I hate that I kept going back."

Most women addicted to pornography struggle to understand themselves and why they have a compulsion they can't ignore. They long for help, yet they hesitate to seek it because they feel ashamed and alone.

"No one plans to get hooked on this," Maggie says. "I thought this would be an answer to my loneliness, but it only made it worse. I was so ashamed of what I was doing that I isolated myself."

"I always felt condemned," says Lacey. "I felt like an insect—scared of coming into the light—and I wanted to stay in the shadows as much as possible." Julie also felt "very removed from church and my girlfriends. I felt like I wasn't human. Like I was the only one dealing with this."

Beth agrees. "I thought no other women struggled with this addiction. By feeling all alone, I lost hope." Rose is even more blunt. "I thought the Lord never would forgive me."

The Path to Hope and Healing

The first step toward healing for an addict is to realize she's not alone. She needs to know there are people out there who understand and can reach out to her in love.

"Women addicted to porn need professional therapy with a Christian counselor and a renewed sense of kinship with other women who understand," says Marnie. "The worst thing you can do with these women is lecture them about praying more or asking God for help. They've already done that, often to the point of despair. They do need to be held accountable for their sins, but they also need help, support, and unconditional love."

The first few people Maggie turned to for help told her all she had to do was get rid of her computer. "That's nonsense," she explains. "I use my home computer every day for my business. That wouldn't stop my addiction, only one way to access it."

Lacey also sought help many times, with similar results: "I'd told friends and pastors, but I discovered that many people who should be able to help aren't completely equipped to deal with a woman's addiction to porn." She finally found assistance in the same place she'd found her addiction: the Internet. "Setting Captives Free helped me the most," she says, referring to the Internet-based ministry that offers a free 60-day interactive online course—available to individuals and churches—for people trapped in sexual addiction. "The journey to recovery isn't easy. Am I 'there' yet? No. Breaking this cycle is one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Rose also found help on the Internet from Pure Life Ministries, which provides numerous resources, including guided studies with qualified counselors and curriculum to be completed at home, to help sexual addicts. Beth and Maggie eventually turned to a Christian counselor to assist in their recovery process. Julie sought help from her husband, then gave up her computer for a while and still limits her use.

Donna Rice Hughes, president of Enough Is Enough, a nonprofit organization dedicated to exposing the ills of Internet porn and to making the Internet safe for families, says a program isn't enough. "I don't believe true healing can happen without the power of Jesus' blood," she says. "Many people in the church struggle because while they've changed their behavior, the images from pornography exposure still are there. Christ has to renew their minds."

Donna also strongly recommends Internet filtering tools, as well as getting an accountability partner who can check the monitoring feature most of these programs offer. "God calls us to understand our culture and the temptations we face, and warns us to guard our hearts and minds. We can't just ask him to protect us and not take practical steps. We have to do everything we know how to do, then pray for spiritual protection, because in many ways this is a spiritual battle."

As Maggie worked with a trained therapist to overcome her addiction, she also found help in reading the Bible and journaling. There's a verse in Corinthians that hit home for her: "We must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever" (1 Corinthians 6:17, MSG). "I love that verse," she says. "I'm making it my life's theme."

Beth, who underwent counseling with Marnie Ferree, knows healing is a matter of taking small steps. And someday she hopes to use her experiences to help others.

"God's calling me to take steps of faith out of hiding and shame," Beth says. "The truth is, many people, well-meaning Christians especially, aren't aware of how prevalent this struggle has become among women. But there are those who understand." As well as a God who freely offers his healing and hope.

Copyright © 2003 by the author of Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
September/October 2003, Vol. 25, No. 5, Page 58

[keita]

RESOURCES FOR HELP AND HEALING

Filtering the Web:

Filtering ISPs and Software

Filtering Internet Service Providers (ISPs) and software work by blocking sites and e-mail containing certain words or pictures. They help to break the cycle of addiction, but are only aids—and aren't foolproof. These filters aren't meant to replace human accountability and responsibility.

Integrity Online
One of the largest filtered ISPs;
$21.95 per month
www.integrity.com/

Setting Captives Free
Offers both a filtered ISP for $17.95 per month and filtering software for a one-time charge
www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/scf_isp.php

ChristianLiving.com
Offers filtered and unfiltered Internet service for $17.95 per month, or filtering for a current DSL, LAN, or cable service for $14.95
www.christianliving.com/

Accountability Programs

These programs track websites you visit and send a list of them to a person of your choosing.

Covenant Eyes
Offers online accountability starting at $6.95 per month (endorsed by Focus on the Family and Promise Keepers)
www.cvnt.net/

X3watch Accountability Software
Free program sponsored by xxxchurch.com, an antiporn site aimed mostly at teens
www.x3watch.com/

Organizations:

Programs and Ministries

Woodmont Hills Counseling Ministry
Offers workshops and a private counseling center that specializes in sexual addictions, especially in women
866-464-HEAL (toll-free)
www.bethesdaworkshops.org/

Faithful & True Ministries
Ministries for sexual wholeness, counseling, and consultation
952-903-9208
www.faithfulandtrueministries.com/

National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity
Offers information, resources, and referrals
www.ncsac.org/

Pure Intimacy (Focus on the Family)
Offers information on pornography and sexual addiction
www.pureintimacy.org/

Pure Life Ministries
Aimed mostly at helping men, but some women have found help through their programs directed at breaking free from sexual sin
www.purelifeministries.org/

Setting Captives Free
Offers online programs to help believers break free from addictive sins, including pornography
www.settingcaptivesfree.com/

Websites:


www.christiananswers.net/love/home.html

www.cbn.com/spirituallife/TeachingSheets/Pornography.asp


Books:

Addicted to Love by Stephen Arterburn (Servant)

Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge (WaterBrook)

No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Shame by Marnie Ferree (Xulon)

Hidden Dangers of the Internet by Gregory Jantz (Harold Shaw)

Faithful and True: Sexual Integrity in a Fallen World by Mark Laaser (Zondervan)

Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Healing Power of Jesus by Bob Davies and Russell Willingham (InterVarsity)

[Nikkol]

1. Even if it is a family computer, if the family knows what the situation is, there should be no problem with getting rid of it (even if it is for a period of time) Deliverance is more important.

2. Usually there are passwords that go along with these types of programs. If you (general) make up a group of letters and numbers as a password (that you can't remember) and then throw it right away. You won't have the access to get rid of the program so easily.

Good info, KEITA.

I would also say that it's good to know what occurs that is having you look at those types of websites. Whatever "that" is, you should stay away from it. For example, if I know that if I'm hungry I'll steal food from the market (not because I don't have money, which is still a sin anyways) than I should make sure that I eat before I go to the market. Make sense?

[giantsdodie]

I hear what you guys are saying and you are offering some good advice. In all honesty howevr as a person who has had this problem and been bound to it it is simply not as easy as installing a program or getting rid of the computer for some people.

Porn is easily available. The internet is only one avenue. While attacking the natural is one way to deal with the issue you MUST combat the spirits involved and you MUST crucify your flesh. This is how you have the victory over the spirits that are attacking and afflicting. Simply throwing away the computer wont do that.

Accountability is a very very strong key and Keita gave some very good websites, some of which I have seen.

Also www.porn-free.org is good.

[Beulah5]

If you have an addiction getting rid of the computer simply mean you may not have access to it but has not dealt with the problem?

Does the person then have to stay away from computers for the rest of their life in order to resist temptations?

I dont necessarily believe that is the way forward. There will always be porn everywhere but what God wants to teach us is self-control.

Porn used to be such a big part of my life. It started when my sister found a video belonging to my dad when we were kids.

Little did i know but this was to open a huge doorway in my life but praise the Lord our deliverer!

[shamefaced]

Giants, hello what is a sleeperdom spirit You totally lost me there....Need information on that...

[Giants DO Die ns]

Hello I am sorry I was typing that with the stupid side of my brain. It should have said whoredoms.

[GiantsDOdie ns]

whoredoms