Men and emotions

[BEING QUIET]

[/colorHi, Guys I know that I am not suppose to be here but I have a question....Why do men close themselves off emotionally except for sex? And I Know that is something that you can do without putting alot of emotions into it....

[Beck]

One of the biggest questions today..."why did man keep silent"...with Eve, sarah and so many other situations.. through out the bible and history.

Well I can only speak for my self... in the past I kept quiet emotionally because of lack of trust, afraid of being misunderstood and taken out of context. Not wanting to show a weakness because of fear of being taken advantage of, and sometimes pride..( i gotta stay strong type of tude). But I have come to know that its not all about those things..not showing emotion doesn't make you any more of a man than someone who cries at the drop of the hat. Alot of it also comes from what society says how a man should act. "you a man you supposed to be tough, stop being so soft, man up..etc. A man is supposed to be able to communicate his feelings and have confidence in his position. As for the sex part... believe it or not.. men need more emotion than that.. but I'm gonna stop right here...lol

[Jasmine]

Emotions..oh my.

I believe it starts with how they are raised as little boys.

Ever notice when a young boy is getting ready to cry the first thing a father says is...don't let me see any tears fall from your eyes?

Women recognize that there are tears of joy, sadness, healing and etc. Many men don't show emotion, because they are taught to not show any emotion.

Stay calm, be cool, never let them see you sweat. If your hurt, take it like a man. Suck it up. Is the motto that men are taught under.

[nina]

What always puzzled me when it comes to men and "emotions" is how - and it's true for the majority - they are told, and taught, from a very young age how to "keep it in" but, later on in life, everybody also wonders at how they "take it out".
What is it exactly that we consider the "manly" thing to do when it comes to handling and expressing emotions?
From very early in life, a boy might not cry, but he'll go to his room and punch the walls, and no red flag comes on???
If they can only express negative feelings and are lead to believe that those are acceptable as being "a man", then that too is what they learn, and some of them learn it very well...
Some of them will never completely learn how to trust somebody else totally with their heart and soul.
Yes, God can undo and redo, and restore and renew, those men will learn when they cry before God that it's OK and that they are loved just the same, not in spite of, but because they dared to bare their heart.

[giantsdodie]

Men have plenty of emotion. The reality is that men arent women. Therefore we express and deal with emotion differently than women do. Men do cry. We just dont cry in front of everybody and get on the phone call everybody and eat a pint of Haagen Daas while doing it ( D'OH ).

One thing we have to realize is this men and women are very different. As my pastor says the brain is not the same. Many times both men and women try to get the other to act and think like they do which is part of the problem.

And about the sex issue. In all honesty men can totally detach themselves emotionally and still have sex and enjoy the sex.

[Jasmine]

We know men and women are different. We operate differently. We all have the same emotions, but are taught to express them differently. Both men and women cry in secret, and as far as the haagan daas thing...that for sure aint me. If I'm crying..eating food would be impossible, because I would choke.

[MsKayLander]

jasmine said:

We know men and women are different. We operate differently. We all have the same emotions, but are taught to express them differently. Both men and women cry in secret, and as far as the haagan daas thing...that for sure aint me. If I'm crying..eating food would be impossible, because I would choke.

;D (Giving Jasmine a high five)... I don't know why Giants would make such a sexist remark... When I cry... I cry... when I finish... I go to sleep... I don't have time to call anyone and I sure don't need to grab a bowl of ice cream...

[giantsdodie]

This is where I believe things differ. I cannot deny that men and women are spcially different and have a different teaching in general. However I believe in all honesty that men and women are simply wired differently so to speak. I believe the problems in understand each other often comes when we try to understand each other through our own wiring if that makes sense.

I have found out that I cant understand why my wife thinks the way she does about certain things. However I do understand to some degree HOW she thinks and processes information and feelings.

I also believe that women in general tend to be more emotional and men tend to be more analytical. Thats IN GENERAL and doesnt apply to everyone.

We may all experierence the same emotions as men and women. Its how we process them thats the difference and part of what makes us unique AND a compliment to one another as well.

[nina]

"And about the sex issue. In all honesty men can totally detach themselves emotionally and still have sex and enjoy the sex."

So, is it just another way to spell relief?

Is there really such a thing as "casual sex"?

If you keep going back to somebody, or stay with somebody, only because of great sex compatibility, should it be called a relationship?

It is true that most women are more involved emotionally even if it is casual sex. It is true also that, even for sex, pleasure, etc... it all happens in the brain.

Is there really a difference between having sex and making love? Or is it just a cliché?

If there is a difference, what does make the difference?

[giantsdodie]

nina said:

"And about the sex issue. In all honesty men can totally detach themselves emotionally and still have sex and enjoy the sex."

So, is it just another way to spell relief?

Is there really such a thing as "casual sex"?

If you keep going back to somebody, or stay with somebody, only because of great sex compatibility, should it be called a relationship?

It is true that most women are more involved emotionally even if it is casual sex. It is true also that, even for sex, pleasure, etc... it all happens in the brain.

Is there really a difference between having sex and making love? Or is it just a cliché?

If there is a difference, what does make the difference?

Before I answer lets understand that for many of us ( and reality most of us ) what we learn about sex and relationship is learned in sin.

Now to answer the questions as best I can.

So, is it just another way to spell relief?

For some peoplem, men and women that is all it is. However that was never God's design. intention or plan.

Is there really such a thing as casual sex ?

For the believer there should not ever be such a thing as casual sex. For the sinner and from the sinners perspective absolutely there is.

If you keep going back to somebody, or stay with somebody, only because of great sex compatibility, should it be called a relationship?

We obviously here we would be talking about sinners (because saints should not do this ). Yes it is a relationship. Relationships are defined on many different parameters. This would simply be a sexual one. More accurately its a soul tie.

It is true that most women are more involved emotionally even if it is casual sex. It is true also that, even for sex, pleasure, etc... it all happens in the brain. [

Actually it doesnt happen in the brain. It happens in the soul. Imaginations and emotions are not seated in one's brain. The soul is the seat of mans emotions. This is why they are called soul ties.

Is there really a difference between having sex and making love? Or is it just a cliché?

If there is a difference, what does make the difference?

Most animals in the animal kingdom have sex to procreate. Anyone with working physical parts whether married or unmarried can have sex.

The difference I have found is an understanding of what Love is. In the world when we say make love we simply mean something that is passionate and intense that creates a warm fuzzy feeling.

However this is not what the Bible says love is.

I Cor 13 NKJV

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails.

We cant make love apart from GOD because GOD IS LOVE. There is no love without HIM.

Love does not seek its own. It is not selfish. When I was in sin sex was about ME and what I want and what I got out of it. Saved and redeemed it is a ministry gift to my wife and I sow it not to get something out of it ( although you always reap more than you so ) but because she is GOD's gift to me and I honor God and my wife when I obey the word and render unto her due benevolence ( ahem ahem )

Love does not rejoice in iniquity.

How in all honesty how can you make love when you are unmarried. Sex outside of marriage is iniquity. Love doesnt rejoice in that. So in reality outside of marriage we cant really MAKE love.

[Jasmine]

Also, a woman can detach themselves emotionally, and still have sex and enjoy.

Thats why there are many prostitutes who prostitute their bodies for the sake of money. They have learned to become numb, and view "having sex" feelings aside as a job. Women who are "porn stars" obviously like to have sex, but have also detached them selves emotionally. Its aint just men its women to.

Now, Giants I agree with your comments to a degree. To say that unsaved married couples are just having sex, and not making love, is somewhat a stretch.

[giantsdodie]

Corrected my statement I meant to say that outside of marriage its not making love, not unsaved.

However this isnt a topic about sex. I just wanted to answer Nina's questions which are solely from my point of view.

[nina]

... And thank you very much for doing that

True that the topic is about men closing themselves off emotionally.

If I understand correctly what you said, the answer/solution is love, real love, giving the freedom to be ourselves and express it.

You also mention the soul connection.
For what it's worth, I think that there are several levels of "communication" in a couple. We hear a lot about communication and how important it is in any relationship. But it's just as hard to define as love itself...

Along those lines, it might be interesting to consider those two:

- Communication:

"The word "communication" contains two root words: com (for the Latin "cum" translating "with" or "together with") and unio (the Latin for "union" from which our English word directly comes). Hence, communication refers to union with or union together with. Not unexpected.
Two other words come from the same base words and have a direct meaning on us in particular: community and communion. Got the idea? The ancients believed that engaging in communication in some mysterious way a commonality or true union was achieved.

- Communion:

"Let us begin to look at the etymology of the word ‘communion’.
The word communion comes from two Latin words ‘com’and ‘munus’. The word Munus is derived from the Sanscrit MU which means a tie, bond, or link.
- from Latin communio mutual participation."

[Jasmine]

giantsdodie said:

Corrected my statement I meant to say that outside of marriage its not making love, not unsaved.

However this isnt a topic about sex. I just wanted to answer Nina's questions which are solely from my point of view.

Noted.

[abundanceofpraise]

oops excuse me LOL what is a girl doin in the mens fellowship forum.. LOL ;D