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Post by stillfocused on Oct 3, 2006 20:58:11 GMT -5
Why are married women told by their husbands, some Pastors, friends, and etc. not to associate with single women ? When they have so much offer them. I am talking about saved and loving the Lord men and women of God.
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Post by nina on Oct 4, 2006 5:15:49 GMT -5
Wow... There's probably no easy, simple answer to this one  I am sure that it could be explained from a strictly spiritual stand? However, there could be other reasons. It can depend on the stage of the marriage, whether it's a young married couple, or more "mature" one? Maybe it's just a case of better safe than sorry? But why? I don't understand why there should be such a wall between married and singles. All the other reasons I can think about would more likely stem from a basic fear - so to speak - of inviting in some type of trouble for the married couple? Or maybe causing some kind of unbalance in the married couple's relationship? |
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Post by Beck on Oct 4, 2006 8:19:54 GMT -5
I think that its a lot of fear involved in not letting married women associate with single women. It seems at time that the married woman ends up doing most of the compromising to "proove" that she still fits in and is "inidependant". I takes a married woman who is secure in her relationship in christ, her husbands role in the home, and secure with herself to really mentor and deposit into the single christian woman. The Bible says in titus 2: 3. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.4. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,5. to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
So there should be some sort of mentorship going on between the single and the married, but just as long as the married woman is secure.. if not, she will be constantly confused and unfullfilled.. and if she is unfullfilled then her husband will be... after all she is his help meet..
Proverbs 12:4 says A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
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Post by livinganewlife on Oct 4, 2006 12:33:34 GMT -5
Let me add my two cents giving both sides of the story.
I have been the single friend who could no longer associate with my married friend.... Only because her husband was insecure in regards to the influence "I" had on his wife. One thing is that newly married women sometimes talk to much and tell to much of their single friends business to their husbands therefore creating a division before the Husband can judge for himself the "true" character of the single person.
In my experience this girl and I had been friends from childhood therefore she knew most of my history (esp with the drug money) and told her husband ALL about me painting this awful picture of me and the Husband felt very threatened around me. Later to find out she wasn't a friend at ALL...
On the other hand you have the wife thinking that she needs to create some false illusion "new" life once she is married and that is so far from the truth.
As a married woman I keep reminding myself over and over again that if I have to cut my single friends out of my life just because I move to a new relationship than we weren't friends after all.
I am very careful as to the topics I discuss around my single friends. I never brag about how great my husband is, and how great he treats me as to throw it in their faces.
I am very sensitive to the struggles of single women and I try to encourage and uplift them as much as I can.
Another thing married women need to realize that they are more than just married and can offer more than just married talk..... Shoot I am an ex Vice President of Fortune 500 Company..... I know more than just Hubby!!!!
When I was single; I would tell my married relatives and friends DO NOT come to me for advice on your marriage or raising children. I have never been married and never raised children so I can only give my prospective from a single women's point of view.
Advise only on the WORD of GOD and your Experience...
If you have no experience as a mechanic and if you can't back up an oil change in the Word; just leave it alone!
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 4, 2006 18:19:18 GMT -5
Everyone, thank you so much !! And I understand the angles; yet, as a single woman I have been in the place where my best friend and I where separated because her husband didn't want us anywhere near each other. To make matters even worse another friend told me that they had more in common because they were both married and since I wasn't there many times I wasn't invited. Yet, my best friend were both filled with the Holy Spirit and were prayer partners at that time.
Beck..good point, but, what about the sisters who are not young in age; yet young in spirit ?
We still have the need and desire to be taught how to be wives; since many of us have been on our own and can become be quite independent.
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Post by Beck on Oct 5, 2006 8:12:42 GMT -5
Everyone, thank you so much !! And I understand the angles; yet, as a single woman I have been in the place where my best friend and I where separated because her husband didn't want us anywhere near each other. To make matters even worse another friend told me that they had more in common because they were both married and since I wasn't there many times I wasn't invited. Yet, my best friend were both filled with the Holy Spirit and were prayer partners at that time. Beck..good point, but, what about the sisters who are not young in age; yet young in spirit ? We still have the need and desire to be taught how to be wives; since many of us have been on our own and can become be quite independent. Victory sister! I think its just a matter of trust with the husband.. Im not sure how long they have been married, if they are fairly new in the marriage then that would explain his actions. I think one of the most important things that a husband can realize is that will cause his wife to blossom into the help meet that he needs is that his wife is STILL a woman, and she still needs time for her WOMAN needs and not just the wife needs. When I got married, I didnt want my wife to tak councel from a single woman because it wouldnt be profitable, coming from a single woman point of view. However, As a woman she still needs a chance to breath and fellowship and mentor single woman. After all they shouldnt be forgotten because they are not like you. |
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Post by keita on Oct 5, 2006 9:49:16 GMT -5
I think some understanding of the difference between what are "women's " issues (that which is common to women in general) and what are "married women's" issues (that which is unique to married wives) might help also.
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Post by Beck on Oct 5, 2006 10:16:25 GMT -5
I think some understanding of the difference between what are "women's " issues (that which is common to women in general) and what are "married women's" issues (that which is unique to married wives) might help also. I agree.. maybe we can have some married women and single woman break down some of the differences... I dont think its good for me to do it...LOL |
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Post by nina on Oct 5, 2006 14:50:31 GMT -5
It could also be due to the fact that being married is considered as a "status", while being single tends to be perceived as a "condition"? (not a blanket statement, just the best way I can put it). What I never understood is why it translates often into an antagonism between married and singles, whether as a group, and broken fellowship, and even more painfully so, on individual levels, as in broken friendships. Should it be an either... or, in absolute? Friendship is very important to me (and I know I'm not the only one). When I got married, I had friends, they had been my friends, they came to my wedding, they were my friends all along. So, why, overnight, should we wake up and have to make such a choice? I am aware of the fundamental differences, the changes in priorities, etc... However, in all loving relationships - and friendship is certainly one - there is a matter of faithfulness involved.... All the parties would have to show wisdom in dealing with these issues. As for older women teaching the younger ones, the apostle did not mention how old they should be before getting to do that  And why is it only a woman's issue? Why should it be better/safer to have a single man/friend hovering around? |
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Post by Beck on Oct 5, 2006 14:51:36 GMT -5
It could also be due to the fact that being married is considered as a "status", while being single tends to be perceived as a "condition"? (not a blanket statement, just the best way I can put it). What I never understood is why it translates often into an antagonism between married and singles, whether as a group, and broken fellowship, and even more painfully so, on individual levels, as in broken friendships. Should it be an either... or, in absolute? Friendship is very important to me (and I know I'm not the only one). When I got married, I had friends, they had been my friends, they came to my wedding, they were my friends all along. So, why, overnight, should we wake up and have to make such a choice? I am aware of the fundamental differences, the changes in priorities, etc... However, in all loving relationships - and friendship is certainly one - there is a matter of faithfulness involved.... All the parties would have to show wisdom in dealing with these issues. As for older women teaching the younger ones, the apostle did not mention how old they should be before getting to do that And why is it only a woman's issue? Why should it be better/safer to have a single man/friend hovering around? wow you said a mouth full there.. |
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Post by livinganewlife on Oct 10, 2006 14:31:48 GMT -5
What I never understood is why it translates often into an antagonism between married and singles, whether as a group, and broken fellowship, and even more painfully so, on individual levels, as in broken friendships. Should it be an either... or, in absolute? The antagonism that translate is jealousy toward a perceived image, envy of a perception and coveting after thy neighbor's good. Example married women wishing they were single and single women wishing they were married! just foolishnessIn all honesty if people would be honest, the reason married people don't want to associate with singles is that very few times married women won't disclose the problems/challenges that they encounter early on in marriage and are afraid to face their single friends with the truth...... One may say; you shouldn't talk about sexual issues with single women, but in all fairness most of our (married women) single friends weren't virgins to begin with..... We need to stop playing games with each other in all areas of our lives and quit allowing the enemy to further separate us based on marital status.... |
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Post by giantsdodie on Oct 11, 2006 8:25:04 GMT -5
The same thing happens with men too. I have seen many married women in the church who have TREMENDOUS issue with their hubsands hanging out with men that and single.. and these are single men in the Lord.. not single men of the world..
Its called Fear.. plain and simple.
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Post by Beck on Oct 11, 2006 10:19:28 GMT -5
The same thing happens with men too. I have seen many married women in the church who have TREMENDOUS issue with their hubsands hanging out with men that and single.. and these are single men in the Lord.. not single men of the world.. Its called Fear.. plain and simple. fear has a lot to do with it, but some of the fear is birthed from bad teachings.. |
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Post by Jasmine on Oct 11, 2006 18:03:00 GMT -5
The same thing happens with men too. I have seen many married women in the church who have TREMENDOUS issue with their hubsands hanging out with men that and single.. and these are single men in the Lord.. not single men of the world.. Its called Fear.. plain and simple. fear has a lot to do with it, but some of the fear is birthed from bad teachings.. I agree! Both the CHURCH and the WORLD, teach married women (indirectly) to watch out for Single Sally because she's hot to trott. Both the CHURCH and the world, teach WOMEN that if you don't do another women will. whether she single or married. I do believe it is fear, insecurity, and jealousy working also. a husband should tell his wife not to hang around single women, because she may get caught up in something. A single women can't make a married woman do anything that she didn't already want to do.... and its the same with men. A single man can't make a married man do what he doesn't already want to do. Clearly its an issue of trust and insecurity. Now as far as conversations. Thats whole other subject. Draw the line somewhere. Because there are too many people with loose lips about what goes on in their bedrooms, sharing it just with anybody. Thats not wisdom. |
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Post by stillfocused on Nov 15, 2006 11:08:17 GMT -5
You all have made valid points. There times I had to minister to a married friend and wondered why I was being used. Is this one of those things that happens instead of being fear, insecurity, or jealousy it's really control being masked by those 3 things ?
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