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Post by anointed on Jun 13, 2008 14:32:23 GMT -5
Just to note:
Just because many black women aren't married doesn't mean they don't have men. Also, just because a black woman is labeled "single" doesn't mean she really is. I'm sorry to say, but we're living in a culture now where for many, marriage isn't the "in" thing; there are other ways women are fulfilling their companion needs that are not necessarily God's intentions but still a reality in today's world and it isn't always sex-related but many times is (friends w/ benefits, non-committed relationships, open relationships, romantic friendships w/ no intentions to marry, etc.) You'll be surprised how many women who claim Christianity as their religion falls in this category. We live in a culture full of soul ties as compared to godly relationships. Knowing this do you feel relationship without committment is necessarily perversion of God's original intentions?
But again, you all are discussing a movie so I don't want to sway the flow of the topic. Just thought I'll throw this piece in.
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on Jun 16, 2008 8:00:53 GMT -5
Sounds dandy right? But here my thing... I started to ask myself why would this woman of all people be still single all the years with all the opportunities that she has... So my question to may of you saints it this... Truly many African American woman are still single... Could it be that many of us are truly getting in our own way when it comes to finding a husband or being lead? Could that truly be the reason opposed to a man shortage?Kitty kitty, now, you know you my girl, right? but, lemme ask you this: why are you still single, with all the years and opportunities you've had? why am i still single with all the years and opportunities you've had? and vindicated? and true? and others?  You see my point? The issue i have with this line of questioning is that it puts the blame totally at the feet of the woman and seems to ignore the fact the regardless of our years and opportunities GOD IS IN CONTROL OF OUR LIVES. When people ask me, a single parent of 45 with twins who are 25 and of marriageable (sp) age themselves, why i am still single with all my years and all my opportunities, i have learned to simply say it's not God's time. And so while one of the desires of my heart is to be married some day, in the meantime, like Michelle McKinney and others, I have made my number one priority seeking discovering and accomplishing GOD'S DIVINE WILL AND PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE and that my friends is not to marry a 'mand' of God, it is to use my gifts and talents and abilities to glorify the name of Christ, spread the gospel of Christ, and edify the body of Christ. I really really really want to encourage singles everywhere in the body of Christ to do the same. I cannot tell you the peace, the joy, the fulfillment and the feeling of purpose that comes when you do this. |
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Post by kitty on Jun 16, 2008 15:08:24 GMT -5
Hey Gap,
Of course I know you love me as your sister in Christ! I take no offense to your testaments and questions... I believe that in some cases people just happen to be waiting on the Lord. But I am also understanding that's not the case for everyone...
Some people really may be their own worst enemy... Not I don't mean to pick on Michelle McKinney Hammond... But I will say that after seeing her books on singleness out there for so long... It literally dropped into my mind one day that, "Hhhmmm...something is wrong here..."
I focused on her because all of the reasons that may hold some of the rest of us back couldn't be applied to her. I'll come back and state those in detail in a second but before that I want to answer the question directly as it applies to me...
Why aren't I married already?
Well there are several reasons that I am not married... But for at least half of them I am the direct cause. First... for many years in my early 20's I didn't desire to be married. So it wasn't a goal or something that I prayed about. I didn't have good examples of marriage around me so i too hard the idea that just being in a long term relationship was ok because then you could easily get out when you wanted too...
I also wasn't saved... So I didn't have a true understanding of marriage until I because a Christian in 1996. Before that year and the age of 26 the idea of marriage never crossed my mind.
Then I wasted time after I was saved by being disobedient. I wanted to hold on to a relationship in which the person didn't believe in God, nor believed in marriage. Not to mention that God also clearly told me it was not His will for me to marry this individual... I kept right on with the relationship anyway... For another 4 years after the fact!
So then... Once I got out of that relationship... and turned the decision process over to God it would have just been 8 years that I did so this coming aug. And even then I believe God has revealed His will of the person that I am to marry and is just working out the details... In fact as far as I'm concerned. My marriage is already a done deal. God said it and it is so...
Now getting back to Michelle... The reason I picked on her specifically is because in her case she was really focused on being married for quite some time... And the other areas that may hold other women back aren't a issue for her....
For example... many people are in situations in which they don't meet a lot of men. That's not her case... She has traveled extensively and ran in a lot of Christian social circles... So she had opportunity. Many of us don't have the option of even looking at guy right under our noses because their aren't any...
At my former church in Chicago there were no single guys.... Granted I think there may be some present now but all 3 are under 29! LOL
Many other women are also in cases where they are focused on their jobs, school, making a living where they don't have the time to go out and be social... That too is not the case for Michelle Hammond... Her jobs were more or less easy going... afforded her a lot of time to travel and meet many people. She probably made enoug money off of her books to not work at all... Bottom line... She's not working a regular 9 to 5.
Lastly... In the film she admitted that she was still single because of plenty of mistakes and issues that were on her end...
Not to mention this... and I know it is a shallow thing but it is true... men love a beautiful woman... And that Michelle most definitely is... I have always thought she was rather striking! I'm very sure she has made as much male attention as Halle Berry back in her day so I'm sure that at least 1 if not at least 5 guys she met were honestly husband materail in which she could have lived happily ever after...
At this point when I look back over my life... I can say at least 3 guys that I knew were husband material. 2 were talking marriage before we even got out of high school! Grant nothing could have been futher from my mind... But with one guy... I really thing we could have grown together as adults over the years...
His idea was for us to go down to city hall and get married in secret at 18! LOL
My thought was... MY PARENTS AND YOUR WILL KILL US!!!
Now i think Dang God... You mean I could have been done way back then! LOL
Kitty
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Post by true on Jun 16, 2008 19:19:15 GMT -5
For me the truth is I have never wanted to settle. No matter how much I called myself liking someone or even "loving" someone which I don't think I have ever truly been in love before I have never wanted to settle. I have dated some good guys who would be great for someone else, just not for me. Just last night a friend of mine gave birth again. This time she had her little girl which she has wanted for ever. I layed in my bed and cried a bit, just a bit. I thought about the fact that I have always wanted to be married before I had children now my time is running out. I thought back over my life and ALL the opportunities that I have wasted and missed out on. I have done myself a dis-service but putting things on hold for the perfect timing. Yet the perfect timing has never come  I have never been one of those young girls who grew up wanting to be married and planning their weddings. I can actually say I have never planned my wedding or any details that have anything to do with marriage. I do want a husband and to share my life with the perfect person for me. But sometimes I do feel like I have wasted my entire life waiting for the perfect timing  |
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on Jun 17, 2008 6:53:23 GMT -5
Whenever any one finishes the statement "I'm not married yet because....." or "She's not married yet because..." it seems like almost everything stated seems to gives control and blame and responsibility soley to the woman and therefore with that line of thinking to all of us who remain single in Christ.
My question is, why can't it be God's divine plan for a woman like Michelle McKinney to remain single until such a time as this? Why can't it also have been God's plan for me and other single women on this board to remail single until now as well? Why does it seem like we're afraid to go there on this topic? What is so wrong and bad and terrible in stating that "God has chosen for me to remain single until now. I may not understand why but I trust his judgement and I know that he has my best interest at heart."
There were two distinct times in my life that I could have married before coming back to God and getting reclaimed, but I would have been with an unsaved man (they are both still unsaved to this day). Sure, I would have had some of the fringe benefits that come with being married, but for whatever reason, it did not come to pass. When I look back from now to then, I never ever say wow I wish I coulda woulda shoulda....... I submit to God's sovereigny and his divine long term plan for my life. The only thing I regret is that as the song says I stayed in sin too long.
Surely we agree that God is in control of our lives both before and after we come to him, right? It is true that we do have free will, but never forget that God is still ultimately in control of the course of our lives, especially if we are one day going to be saved. For some of us, he just won't allow us to marry before Christ, because he has a will and a plan for after we come to him. For others, he allows us to marry before Christ and then afterwards, he works things together for our good and for his glory.....
And again, as on the soul mates documentary thread, I want to know exaclty what are we doing to further the kingdom of God while we wait. I believe this could be the crux of our dilema. I cannot tell you the fulfillment I found when I turned my focus to God and the gifts he gave me and how to bless the kingdom with them. Of course it's still my hearts desire to be married, but now that voice in my head saying WHERE IS HE is a little quieter and that fear in my heart that IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN FOR ME finally began to fade away. It's a fulfillment that I pray every single woman finds some day.
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Post by true on Jun 17, 2008 10:32:42 GMT -5
I don't think that we are afraid to say it's not the Lords timing for me to be married yet. I for one am tired of saying that. I am so sick and tired of saying and having it said to me that it is just not my time yet or my turn yet. Yet, some folks get multiple turns before I even get ONE. Go figure!
I know I am STILL single because I refuse to settle. I CHOOSE to wait on the Lord. I want the Lord to choose the PERFECT person for ME. I don't want to choose wrong and have regrets for the rest of my life. I know with me the Lord has broken generational things. Not only do I want to wait on him I also want his perfect timing to bring it together. I trust him with my life and major decisions. He's God I can't go wrong.
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Post by kitty on Jun 17, 2008 12:53:47 GMT -5
Gap,
Yes I believe it is true that any person is single because it is God's will. Whether it be His soverign will or His perfect will is what I call into question when I say that some saints maybe their own worst enemy when it comes to getting married.
I for one truly believe that God is ultimately in control of every moment in our lives... I know that for many that is a hard concept to grasp. But on occasion He does allow us to have as much rope as we please to get ourselves into trouble or to just plain miss it.
It for me to simply say that I'm single because God calls me to be single for this time period would suggest that all this time I have been walking in God's will and doing as God called me to do.... And that He just hasn't moved in this area of my life yet. That may be true for many people....
But that's most definitely not true for me... I wasn't always walking in God's will... I wasn't always being obedient... Sure God could have blessed me anyway...He can bless many of us anyway... He has blessed many people anyway.... But ultimately i made bad decisions by doing my own thing which is at least one of the reasons that I'm not married right now...
Kitty
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Post by Jasmine on Jun 17, 2008 14:42:57 GMT -5
Its just my observation, and I aint trying to ruffle no feathers, but just maybe...its time to stop waiting for the PERFECT person, and let the RIGHT person in.
There are no perfect people, and if your waiting on God to send the PERFECT person...He already did that.. HIS SON.
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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Jun 17, 2008 14:51:10 GMT -5
Its just my observation, and I aint trying to ruffle no feathers, but just maybe...its time to stop waiting for the PERFECT person, and let the RIGHT person in. There are no perfect people, and if your waiting on God to send the PERFECT person...He already did that.. HIS SON. That was powerful! Tight but it's right! However, whomever God sends would be the "perfect person." Nobody is perfect however our spouse would be perfect for us (if that makes sense). |
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Post by true on Jun 17, 2008 15:10:36 GMT -5
Its just my observation, and I aint trying to ruffle no feathers, but just maybe...its time to stop waiting for the PERFECT person, and let the RIGHT person in. There are no perfect people, and if your waiting on God to send the PERFECT person...He already did that.. HIS SON. That was powerful! Tight but it's right! However, whomever God sends would be the "perfect person." Nobody is perfect however our spouse would be perfect for us (if that makes sense). Thank you. I said the PERFECT PERSON FOR ME. No one is perfect but the Lord yada yada. I only said I want the perfect person for me and only the Lord can make that decision for me. |
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Post by Jasmine on Jun 17, 2008 17:18:34 GMT -5
Its just my observation, and I aint trying to ruffle no feathers, but just maybe...its time to stop waiting for the PERFECT person, and let the RIGHT person in. There are no perfect people, and if your waiting on God to send the PERFECT person...He already did that.. HIS SON. That was powerful! Tight but it's right! However, whomever God sends would be the "perfect person." Nobody is perfect however our spouse would be perfect for us (if that makes sense). It makes sense.. I actually edited my post, but I fell asleep so it never posted. when I read the initial sentence, I didn't see the "Lord" in the intial statement. Sorry true. it does apply to this topic overall though. Many women are single, because they are waiting on the perfect person. If the male does not fit the mold, that they've "dreamed or imagined" then he's a no go, or not good enough...according to what we've perceived to be the "perfect man" for us. |
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Post by vindicated on Jun 17, 2008 18:02:09 GMT -5
Although it means the same thing, I like the term "tailor made for me". I can relate to it because of my height. I can't just go anywhere and buy my clothes because I'm tall. So because of who I am I can't just go anywhere and get a husband. Like my clothes have to come from "specialty shops" (tall) my husband will come from God's specialty shop tailor made for me.
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on Jun 19, 2008 7:50:28 GMT -5
for me to simply say that I'm single because God calls me to be single for this time period would suggest that all this time I have been walking in God's will and doing as God called me to do.... And that He just hasn't moved in this area of my life yet. Kitty, my dear, dear, sister and friend, yes, yes, yes that is exactly what I am saying. I feel that yes, we can absolutely be walking in God's will and doing as God called us to do and God still has yet to move in this area, or any other area, whether it's marriage, healing in our body, or whatever simply because for whatever reason, it just ain't his time yet................ I also feel that God wants us to get this point, accept it, be okay with it, and continue to walk in his will and do what we are called to do until............ For God not only has a will, he has a plan and a time and a big picture that sometimes only he knows about ......... And sometimes we don't figure out the why's until the waiting is over............... This is a song that blesses my so much, I pray it blesses you and others................ My Times, by LaShun Pace If I were in control of my life I think that I would have worked things out differently there would be no hurt no pain, no disappointments of these things my life would be scott free but that just goes to show, how little I know about leading about controlling my life for you see all these things have worked together just to make the best of me God controls my life and my times are in His hands and I'm learning each and every day to trust Him, come what may for you see if I were in control of my life I know that I would have I would have worked things out much differently But my times, all of the good and all of the bad my times, all of the hurt and all of the pain my time, oh my times are in His hands in His hands oh yeah, my times are in His hands My times my times, um my times, oh my times, there are in there are in the Lord's hands |
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on Jun 19, 2008 8:16:45 GMT -5
Whether it be His soverign will or His perfect will is what I call into question I believe that there is only one will of God. I would love to have a biblically based discussion on this point. I've heard many things such as perfect will, divine will, permissive will, sovereign will, but isn't there only one will and then what he allows? Let's chat about it on the thread below: See you guys there............... jbrefugees.proboards37.com/index.cgi?board=bible&action=display&thread=1609&page=1#1213882527 |
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on Jun 19, 2008 9:09:48 GMT -5
Someone just emailed me
Author Unknown
What makes you think that just because I am
An Attractive woman of Godly intelligence
That I'm incomplete without a mate?
Who told you that
Without a man
Something's missing
From my life?
And if so, What would that be?
Love?
I love myself
And more importantly
I love the Lord
He told me that when I delight in Him,
He will give me the desires of my heart
Security?
I have everything I need according to His riches in glory.
Intimacy?
Now, how's a man going to get to know me
When he doesn't even know who he is in the Lord?
See my Father told me I'm above a ruby's worth
And a gem does not seek It is sought
I'm single and that's all right with me
See,
it's not that I oppose relationships
It's that I detest co-dependency
As a woman
I know it is not my role
To chase after any man
Esther 2:14 reads
That I am to wait on my king and when he's delighted in me.
He w ill call me
By my name.
My Lord does not intend for me to be needy or desperate.
I am to be Cherished, Relished, Valued, and Honored,
It's not my job to convince him
Or Convict him of that,
My mate will already know it
And consistently show it
And he will stay on his knees daily
Not just to adore me
But to praise the Lord for
The virtuous woman he has found
So, when you see me by myself
I'm not alone
I know what I have coming to me
I'm single and saved, and right now that's all I need to be!
Please forw ard this to al l the women in your contacts list!
Whether married or single it applies to us all!
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