The Plight of Young Black Men: More Grim than Ever

[ybrown]

krazeeboi said:

RIGHT. I'm really not understanding this one; you're not even a citizen, and you're talking about your rights? If you wish to be a legal citizen here, then do it the legal way; otherwise, I suggest we set up high-voltage fences at our borders.

Aaaaaamen! Amnesty without penalty would be laughable because essentially we'd be rewarding unlawfulness. And why in the world should we reward folks that can't even obey and respect our laws in the first place, over those that did come here legally and are still going through the citizenship process and aren't yet citizens? It's a slap in the face to them.

And why even have borders and laws if we as a country can't even enforce them and worse yet, allow those that are here illegally demand that we reward them for breaking those laws! Huh......it's insanity.

[livinganewlife]

I found this article and topic interesting and decided to post it on this thread: (If posting needs to move Mods feel free to do so)

It is said that "black women" are now saying that marrying a Black man is like playing Russian Roulette.

'Marriage Is for White People'
By Joy Jones
Sunday, March 26, 2006

I grew up in a time when two-parent families were still the norm, in both black and white America. Then, as an adult, I saw divorce become more commonplace, then almost a rite of passage. Today it would appear that many -- particularly in the black community -- have dispensed with marriage altogether.

But as a black woman, I have witnessed the outrage of girlfriends when the ex failed to show up for his weekend with the kids, and I've seen the disappointment of children who missed having a dad around. Having enjoyed a close relationship with my own father, I made a conscious decision that I wanted a husband, not a live-in boyfriend and not a "baby's daddy," when it came my time to mate and marry.
My time never came.

For years, I wondered why not. And then some 12-year-olds enlightened me.

"Marriage is for white people."

That's what one of my students told me some years back when I taught a career exploration class for sixth-graders at an elementary school in Southeast Washington. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys in the class stated that being a good father was a very important goal to them, more meaningful than making money or having a fancy title.
"That's wonderful!" I told my class. "I think I'll invite some couples in to talk about being married and rearing children."

"Oh, no," objected one student. "We're not interested in the part about marriage. Only about how to be good fathers."

And that's when the other boy chimed in; speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."
He's right, at least statistically. The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. Such statistics have caused Howard University relationship therapist Audrey Chapman to point out that African Americans are the most uncoupled people in the country.
How have we gotten here? What has shifted in African American customs, in our community, in our consciousness that has made marriage seem unnecessary or unattainable?

Although slavery was an atrocious social system, men and women back then nonetheless often succeeded in establishing working families. In his account of slave life and culture, "Roll, Jordan, Roll," historian Eugene D. Genovese wrote: "A slave in Georgia prevailed on his master to sell him to Jamaica so that he could find his wife, despite warnings that his chances of finding her on so large an island were remote. . . . Another slave in Virginia chopped his left hand off with a hatchet to prevent being sold away from his son." I was stunned to learn that a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin.

Traditional notions of family, especially the extended family network, endure. But working mothers, unmarried couples living together, out-of-wedlock births, birth control, divorce and remarriage have transformed the social landscape. And no one seems to feel this more than African American women. One told me that with today's changing mores, it's hard to know "what normal looks like" when it comes to courtship, marriage and parenthood. Sex, love and childbearing have become a la carte choices rather than a package deal that comes with marriage. Moreover, in an era of brothers on the "down low," the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and the decline of the stable blue-collar jobs that black men used to hold, linking one's fate to a man makes marriage a risky business for a black woman.

"A woman who takes that step is bold and brave," one young single mother told me. "Women don't want to marry because they don't want to lose their freedom."

Among African Americans, the desire for marriage seems to have a different trajectory for women and men. My observation is that black women in their twenties and early thirties want to marry and commit at a time when black men their age are more likely to enjoy playing the field. As the woman realizes that a good marriage may not be as possible or sustainable as she would like, her focus turns to having a baby, or possibly improving her job status, perhaps by returning to school or investing more energy in her career.

As men mature, and begin to recognize the benefits of having a roost and roots (and to feel the consequences of their risky bachelor behavior), they are more willing to marry and settle down. By this time, however, many of their female peers are satisfied with the lives they have constructed and are less likely to settle for marriage to a man who doesn't bring much to the table. Indeed, he may bring too much to the table: children and their mothers from previous relationships, limited earning power, and the fallout from years of drug use, poor health care, and sexual promiscuity. In other words, for the circumspect black woman, marriage may not be a business deal that offers sufficient return on investment.

In the past, marriage was primarily just such a business deal. Among wealthy families, it solidified political alliances or expanded land holdings. For poorer people, it was a means of managing the farm or operating a household. Today, people have become economically self-sufficient as individuals, no longer requiring a spouse for survival. African American women have always had a high rate of labor-force participation. "Why should well-salaried women marry?" asked black feminist and author Alice Dunbar-Nelson as early as 1895. But now instead of access only to low-paying jobs, we can earn a breadwinner's wage, which has changed what we want in a husband. "Women's expectations have changed dramatically while men's have not changed much at all," said one well-paid working wife and mother. "Women now say, 'Providing is not enough. I need more partnership.' "

The turning point in my own thinking about marriage came when a longtime friend proposed about five years ago. He and I had attended college together, dated briefly, then kept in touch through the years. We built a solid friendship, which I believe is a good foundation for a successful marriage.

But -- if we had married, I would have had to relocate to the Midwest. Been there, done that, didn't like it. I would have had to become a stepmother and, although I felt an easy camaraderie with his son, stepmother hood is usually a bumpy ride. I wanted a house and couldn't afford one alone. But I knew that if I was willing to make some changes, I eventually could.

As I reviewed the situation, I realized that all the things I expected marriage to confer -- male companionship, close family ties, a house -- I already had, or were within reach, and with exponentially less drama. I can do bad by myself; I used to say as I exited a relationship. But the truth is, I can do pretty good by myself, too.

Most single black women over the age of 30 whom I know would not mind getting married, but acknowledge that the kind of man and the quality of marriage they would like to have may not be likely, and they are not desperate enough to simply accept any situation just to have a man. A number of my married friends complain that taking care of their husbands feels like having an additional child to raise. Then there's the fact that marriage apparently can be hazardous to the health of black women. A recent study by the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan think tank in New York City, indicates that married African American women are less healthy than their single sisters.

By design or by default, black women cultivate those skills that allow them to maintain themselves (or sometimes even to prosper) without a mate.

"If Jesus Christ bought me an engagement ring, I wouldn't take it," a separated thirty-something friend told me. "I'd tell Jesus we could date, but we couldn't marry."

And here's the new twist. African American women aren't the only ones deciding that they can make do alone. Often what happens in black America is a sign of what the rest of America can eventually expect. In his 2003 book, "Mismatch: The Growing Gulf between Women and Men," Andrew Hacker noted that the structure of white families is evolving in the direction of that of black families of the 1960s. In 1960, 67 percent of black families were headed by a husband and wife, compared to 90.9 percent for whites. By 2000, the figure for white families had dropped to 79.8 percent. Births to unwed white mothers were 22.5 percent in 2001, compared to 2.3 percent in 1960. So my student who thought marriage is for white people may have to rethink that in the future.
Still, does this mean that marriage is going the way of the phonograph and the typewriter ribbon?

"I hope it isn't," said one friend who's been married for seven years. "The divorce rate is 50 percent, but people remarry. People want to be married. I don't think it's going out of style."

A black male acquaintance had a different prediction. "I don't believe marriage is going to be extinct, but I think you'll see fewer people married," he said. "It's a bad thing. I believe it takes the traditional family -- a man and a woman -- to raise kids." He has worked with troubled adolescents, and has observed that "the girls who are in the most trouble and who are abused the most -- the father is absent. And the same is true for the boys, too." He believes that his presence and example in the home is why both his sons decided to marry when their girlfriends became pregnant.

But human nature being what it is, if marriage is to flourish -- in black or white America -- it will have to offer an individual woman something more than a business alliance, a panacea for what ails the community or an incubator for rearing children. As one woman said, "If it weren't for the intangibles, the allure of the lovey-dovey stuff, I wouldn't have gotten married. The benefits of marriage are his character and his caring. If not for that, why bother?"

Joy Jones, a Washington writer, is the author of "Between Black Women: Listening With the Third Ear" (African American Images).
© 2006 The Washington Post Company

[Jasmine]

I have never once heard the saying" Marriage is for white people".

I will say this however. The men selection is very short. Black males are either gay, on the DL, in jail, already married, or not ready for marriage.

[krazeeboi]

Well, I KNOW I'm not ready.....but in time though, in time.

[giantsdodie]

"If Jesus Christ bought me an engagement ring, I wouldn't take it," a separated thirty-something friend told me. "I'd tell Jesus we could date, but we couldn't marry."

Saddest statement I have ever read.

[Jasmine]

I completely agree giants

[livinganewlife]

That entire article to me is sad.............especially the fact that we have little black boys (and girls) thinking marriage is for White Folks only!!!!!!!!!!!

[stillfocused]

Yes, this is very serious. When did we lose our sons ? When they were around the ages of 14 and 15 yrs..with nothing to do and no where to go; they found what they were looking in the streets. The gangs offered them the comfort and acceptance of family; the older brothers became Dad; they also found the money they needed to get some of the things that their mothers could not afford. Many single parent homes were headed up during the 80s, 90s, and even now. And because in a single parent home Mom often has more than 4 boyfriends, and may not marry; the example of what family truly is not seen. And because scorned sisters are just plain evil; teaching their sons from a yound that because Dad is not around..he doesn't have a Dad...not realizing that the child purpose is locked up in father's mouth and the words that he will never be able to speak to his son. My grandson is 4 yrs. old and point blank told he doesn't have a Dad..where do you think that came from ? He's never really been able to have a relationship with his Dad; because his mom can't separate his needs from her own. As for the immigrants yes, they are being looked at; because they are now demanding that they be allowed to stay; even though they broke the law to be here. I live on a border state and the runners still find a way to smuggle people across the border they only get caught when they do something wrong. Employers hire them, pay them, and sometimes they are housed knowing that they are not here legally. They know if they come here and have a child here they will not be deported because the child is a US citizen..so, they reproduce when we don't. I was not aware untill recently that there are funds available to illegal immigrants to buy houses, even though they don't work. Our government has made it very easy for them to live in our country. I have been told that there are funds available to them in local welfare system that are not available to Americans. And lastly, I have wondered if anyone has noticed that African American rappers are very influential forces in our country ? Check the style especially those of males, the music, and you will see that as a people we have influence; yet, it's not used for the good of a nation.

[Nikkol]

This is what my husband says:

The scripture says:

Joe 2:28 - Show Context
And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions:

Ac 2:17 - Show Context
And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:

As well as:

Pr 29:18 - Show Context
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.


Therefore it is the "job" of the enemy to get the young men because by doing so, the visions that God has placed in them will not be seen.

Jo 2:14 -
I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one

[stillfocused]

We are understand that the enemy has a job to do; and he's doing what he is supposed to be doing. Yet, we are not be ignorant of his schemes; yet, we study, we pray, we praise, and we worship and still we don't have the power to cancel the assignment of the enemy. We shift blame to the victims where it's their fault and their responsibility. My question when is the last time you have stood to declare, to intercede, to tear down the strongholds over the lives of our young men in your city, your family, etc, when is the last you taught a class on intercession to the younger generation of boys and girls, both young and old ? The word of the God says alot things; yet,it is our responsibility to stand before God in their place until they receive salvation and walk in the fullness of all God has for them. Finally, the following passage of says alot...yet, how does this apply to where we are now ?

Jeremiah 9:17- 26:


17Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider and call for the mourning women to come; send for the skillful women to come.

18Let them make haste and raise a wailing over us and for us, that our eyes may run down with tears and our eyelids gush with water.

19For a sound of wailing is heard [coming] out of Zion: How we are plundered and ruined! We are greatly confounded and utterly put to shame, because we have forsaken the land, because they have cast down our dwellings [our dwellings that have cast us out].

20Yet hear the word of the Lord, O you women, and let your ears receive the word of His mouth; teach your daughters a lament, and each one [teach] her neighbor a dirge.

21For death has come up into our windows; it has entered into our palaces, cutting off the children from outdoors and the young men from the streets.

22Speak, Thus says the Lord: The dead bodies of men shall fall like dung on the open field and like sheaves [of grain] behind the reaper, and none shall gather them.(A)

23Thus says the Lord: Let not the wise and skillful person glory and boast in his wisdom and skill; let not the mighty and powerful person glory and boast in his strength and power; let not the person who is rich [in physical gratification and earthly wealth] glory and boast in his [temporal satisfactions and earthly] riches;

24But let him who glories glory in this: that he understands and knows Me [personally and practically, directly discerning and recognizing My character], that I am the Lord, Who practices loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth, for in these things I delight, says the Lord.(B)

25Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will punish all who though circumcised [outwardly, in the flesh] are still uncircumcised [in corresponding inward purity]--(C)

26Egypt, Judah, Edom, the children of Ammon, Moab [all of whom are related except Egypt], and all who live in the desert and who clip off the corners of their hair and beards; for all these nations are uncircumcised [in heart], and all the house of Israel is uncircumcised in heart.