Post by Nikkol on Jul 2, 2009 13:03:16 GMT -5
Just wanted to share an article I wrote for our church newsletter:
As I look back through my life, it's amazing the things that you can look back at and see how it truly was because of his grace you're still here. I know even with me personally, I've had some trials and tribulations in my life that I felt were too much. I remember growing up and being one of the most popular people in the church. One thing that I remember the greatest was when someone REALLY wanted to be my best friend even though I already had one and I told her that she could be my "secret best friend" which sufficed her. (looking back at it, that was a stupid thing to say.....lol). I was always good at making friends and to go from that to getting married and being around a different group of people who didn't like me at all was very difficult. Words like "loose" and "being of the devil" and being sent from the devil to destroy my husband became a normal part of what I heard on a regular basis. Not because of truth but because of gossip. It got to the point where I was telling William that maybe we shouldn't get married because I didn't want him to go through that.
Years would go past and I learned how to suppress my feelings....because I always considered myself to be a "strong" person. I didn't give the impression that I was hurting to the point that I even got myself to believe it as well.... at least I thought I did. I found myself on more than one occasion, thinking about killing myself so that i wouldn't have to deal with the pain. I remember wanting to just drive my car into a wall. On two other occasions I had a knife in my hand and thankfully because of my husband (with the help of the Lord) he was able to stop me before I did damage to myself. I have always been a transparent person and if I knew that my testimony would help someone I would share because I never wanted others to feel like they were "alone". (for we ALL have issues). Little did I know that I would share my testimony that, new things were being said about me based on hearsay or exaggerations of my transparency. But what hurt the most was that it was from people that were close to me. Have you ever had someone close to you say things about you that hurt you to the core? That's how I felt to the point that once again thoughts of leaving my husband and church came back in my mind. Not because William and I weren't getting along but because I thought that I loved him so much that the best way to protect him was to leave. You see how the enemy can work? It was really messing me up. My mind was going. My heart felt like it was getting cold. But yet, I was still here......
Questions like "Why am I still here?" have come to my mind on more than one occasion. But what I learned was that through ALL of that, it had made me stronger. I am now able to see the trick of the enemy. He would use the love that I have for people against me for the more I loved, the more I'd hurt when they would hurt me and that in turn would have me ready to give up everything. This is why it is so important to pray and ask God to help you see the enemy afar off and to know what area the enemy tries to attack you. But thanks to God, I have an even greater love for people and it has given me discernment to see when people are dealing with similar situations. It has given me more testimonies, thanks to more tests. I now know (and am learning even more daily) who I am and I'm bolder than I've ever been. I can say as Dorinda said:
I am still here. I am still here. I AM STILL HERE! And it's by the grace of God....and to think that I would've given up. I would've missed opportunities to help others and be used of God to the fullest. I say all that to say this......use your trials and tribulations to help others. It's easy to look at things in the natural. It's easy to be hurt by what occurs in your life. But just know that these things only make you stronger and because you have passed the test, that's at least one more person that can find healing. Also share your testimony with others. It really does bring deliverance to others.
by Lady Nikkol Blagmon
As I look back through my life, it's amazing the things that you can look back at and see how it truly was because of his grace you're still here. I know even with me personally, I've had some trials and tribulations in my life that I felt were too much. I remember growing up and being one of the most popular people in the church. One thing that I remember the greatest was when someone REALLY wanted to be my best friend even though I already had one and I told her that she could be my "secret best friend" which sufficed her. (looking back at it, that was a stupid thing to say.....lol). I was always good at making friends and to go from that to getting married and being around a different group of people who didn't like me at all was very difficult. Words like "loose" and "being of the devil" and being sent from the devil to destroy my husband became a normal part of what I heard on a regular basis. Not because of truth but because of gossip. It got to the point where I was telling William that maybe we shouldn't get married because I didn't want him to go through that.
Years would go past and I learned how to suppress my feelings....because I always considered myself to be a "strong" person. I didn't give the impression that I was hurting to the point that I even got myself to believe it as well.... at least I thought I did. I found myself on more than one occasion, thinking about killing myself so that i wouldn't have to deal with the pain. I remember wanting to just drive my car into a wall. On two other occasions I had a knife in my hand and thankfully because of my husband (with the help of the Lord) he was able to stop me before I did damage to myself. I have always been a transparent person and if I knew that my testimony would help someone I would share because I never wanted others to feel like they were "alone". (for we ALL have issues). Little did I know that I would share my testimony that, new things were being said about me based on hearsay or exaggerations of my transparency. But what hurt the most was that it was from people that were close to me. Have you ever had someone close to you say things about you that hurt you to the core? That's how I felt to the point that once again thoughts of leaving my husband and church came back in my mind. Not because William and I weren't getting along but because I thought that I loved him so much that the best way to protect him was to leave. You see how the enemy can work? It was really messing me up. My mind was going. My heart felt like it was getting cold. But yet, I was still here......
Questions like "Why am I still here?" have come to my mind on more than one occasion. But what I learned was that through ALL of that, it had made me stronger. I am now able to see the trick of the enemy. He would use the love that I have for people against me for the more I loved, the more I'd hurt when they would hurt me and that in turn would have me ready to give up everything. This is why it is so important to pray and ask God to help you see the enemy afar off and to know what area the enemy tries to attack you. But thanks to God, I have an even greater love for people and it has given me discernment to see when people are dealing with similar situations. It has given me more testimonies, thanks to more tests. I now know (and am learning even more daily) who I am and I'm bolder than I've ever been. I can say as Dorinda said:
When I look back over my life
and I see all the things God's done for me;
been through dangers, heartache, and trouble,
I thank the Lord, He rescued me.
I could have been dead and gone,
but the Lord he spared my life.
Now I can say, that I'm still here
and it's by the grace of God.
When I look back over my life
and I see all the things the Lord's brought me through;
been through trials, sickness, and suffering,
I thank the Lord, He's blessed me still.
I could have lost the faith
and I could have fell from His grace;
now I can say, that I'm still here
and it's by the grace of God.
[/i]and I see all the things God's done for me;
been through dangers, heartache, and trouble,
I thank the Lord, He rescued me.
I could have been dead and gone,
but the Lord he spared my life.
Now I can say, that I'm still here
and it's by the grace of God.
When I look back over my life
and I see all the things the Lord's brought me through;
been through trials, sickness, and suffering,
I thank the Lord, He's blessed me still.
I could have lost the faith
and I could have fell from His grace;
now I can say, that I'm still here
and it's by the grace of God.
I am still here. I am still here. I AM STILL HERE! And it's by the grace of God....and to think that I would've given up. I would've missed opportunities to help others and be used of God to the fullest. I say all that to say this......use your trials and tribulations to help others. It's easy to look at things in the natural. It's easy to be hurt by what occurs in your life. But just know that these things only make you stronger and because you have passed the test, that's at least one more person that can find healing. Also share your testimony with others. It really does bring deliverance to others.
by Lady Nikkol Blagmon