Keita, I don't know much, but I just know you're safe...
This made me think of you....
"In the Cleft of the Rock
Why, God, why?
There is an axiom quoted "If I knew Him, I would be Him." If God's ways were so easily understood that I could reconcile them in my mind, I would be Him.
Simply said, we cannot understand the ways of God. Our finite minds cannot encompass the totality of life's intricacies and complications as God sees them.
It is simply beyond our capacity to fathom how each event in our lives is a step toward the fulfillment of the Divine plan.
In the book of Exodus there is a fascinating exchange between God and Moses:
And [Moses] said: "Show me, now, Your glory!"
[God] said: "I will let all My goodness pass before you; I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you, and I will favor when I wish to favor, and I will have compassion when I wish to have compassion."
And He said, "You will not be able to see My face, for man shall not see Me and live."
And God said: "Behold, there is a place with Me; you shall stand on the rock.
"And it shall be that when My glory passes by, I will place you into the cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with My hand until I have passed by.
"Then I will remove My hand, and you will see My back; but My face shall not be seen." (Exodus 32:18-23)
This is a strange conversation, both on the surface and when delving into the commentary. What is this need that Moses had to see God's "glory"? What is this "rock" (tzur in the Hebrew) that God placed Moses into as He passed by him, showing him merely His back, apparently appeasing Moses's desire to see God?
My father explained it to me this way. The term "rock" in Hebrew, tzur, can also be translated as "narrows" or "constraints," as in the root of the Hebrew tzarah, "trouble" (from which the Yiddish term tzoros derives).
When Moses requested a "visual" on God, he was asking a far deeper question. Show me Your "glory," he asked of God; show me how a good God does unexplainable things.
How can it be that You, the Master of the universe, King of all Kings, can cause pain and difficulty in the lives of Your creations? I am the leader of these people of Yours, Moses was saying, and I need to explain to them in their time of distress, how God can do such things.
To which God replies, "You cannot see Me, for no man can see Me and live." I cannot explain it to you, for you are human. You need to be God to understand My ways.
However, God says, I will give you something to hold on to. I will put you into "the rock" and I will pass by you and you will see My back.
In other words, God told Moses: No, I cannot explain to you why people suffer, you are too human to understand. However, everyone has the ability to experience My "back," the retrospective appreciation for what has transpired.
Ask those who have risen to the occasion and survived tragedy and despair and they will tell you that while it was very difficult it was also a growing experience.
They are better people for it. They have become stronger as a result of it, other problems in their lives are now put into perspective of the greater picture and they now can handle so much more.
In retrospect they can accept what happened.
You will see Me in retrospect, God said to Moses. You will see Me from the back. After I have passed by you, you will appreciate the glimmer of goodness in what I did.
You may still question my ways; since you are not Me, you cannot fully understand.
However, you find comfort yourself in the knowledge that I, God, the loving Master and Parent, know what I am doing.
Retrospectively, you will appreciate what transpired, enough to feel that there was some gain, growth and value in the devastation.
May we know only revealed good, and not have the need for philosophical clarifications."
May His peace, which passes all understanding, be with you.