Post by Melani23 on Aug 19, 2005 13:55:41 GMT -5
The Romance Dance
Dr. Tom Zimmerman, M.A., DMin.,
President, Southwest Center for Life Change
Author of "Heart to Heart: 7 Steps to Make Your Love Come Alive"
For as long as mankind has been around, there has been that special attraction between a man and woman, the romantic connection that is a combination of everything about them: their personalities, their way of talking, and their physical appearances.
The physical relationship is obviously very important in developing a healthy marriage: who doesn’t want to have a good sex life? You certainly didn’t get married because you only wanted a roommate or a good friend. You want to share life with your partner, including a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse.
Too often, things come up that give couples difficulty, especially in their physical relationship.
When tensions start to rise or when communication breaks down, it often affects the physical relationship. There are several things that can keep couples from experiencing the physical intimacy they long for:
• Many of us have some unspoken hang-ups about sex and aren’t comfortable talking about our needs or fears.
• Many people have been hurt by negative sexual experiences from the past.
• We sometimes have wrong expectations about sex, based on what society tells us. Although our world tells us promiscuity and adultery seems ok, sexual unfaithfulness ruins a marriage faster than anything else I’ve seen.
The Three Steps of The Romance Dance
To get beyond the hang-ups, miscommunication, and selfishness that can derail our romance, let’s focus on three steps that will help every couple become more intimate.
Step 1 - Create the Mood
Everyone knows how nice it is to have a romantic setting with the lights down low, candles burning, and soft music playing in the background. It creates the right mood.
More important than candles and music is how you treat each other. You create the right mood in your marriage by how you love one another. The fact is this: all other parts of your marriage carry over to your sexual relationship. If you just had an argument, it affects how the two of you relate physically. If you have a lot of stress in your lives, it affects your romantic atmosphere. If you take each other for granted, it affects you as a couple.
How you interact with each other and honor each other can greatly influence your sexual relationship. That phrase "sex starts in the kitchen" is not really talking about where to have sex, but it has a lot to say about how we should treat each other. How you treat her in the kitchen will influence how she can respond to you in the bedroom.
To create the mood, couples should focus on a few important things: respect one another, honor one another, give generously to one another, and share plenty of casual, non-sexual touches.
Step 2 – Know the Steps: understand your differences
Even though sex has often been twisted and misused, it still is a beautiful gift. God gave you to each other to cherish and to enjoy. He also gave you each other to meet your legitimate sexual needs.
We all know men and women are physically different. We are wired differently and have different sexual needs as well. For many couples, men focus on the act, women focus on the closeness. Men tend to be fast in arousal – like a microwave. Women are slower to warm up, but are often more intense and longer-lasting – like a crockpot.
We need to not only understand these differences, but also love each other by adjusting to the differences. If the man can be patient with his wife, they both will have a deeper, more meaningful sexual relationship. If the woman recognizes his needs for action and not just cuddles, this will help them as a couple.
Step 3 – Share the Experience
Most of us marry because we want to share life with the person we love. Sharing is foundational to all that we do as couples. Sharing is also very important in your sexual relationship.
There are really two things necessary to share deeply with each other. First, you need to have a sharing mind-set. Be committed to giving to your spouse, to sharing your life with him / her. Focus as much on meeting your partner’s needs as your own.
Communication is also crucial to effective sharing. As you share information with each other, you will better understand one another. When it comes to sex, we often fall into the trap of expecting our partners to just know what we want. We expect our partners to be good at mind-reading.
It isn’t less romantic to talk about what you like or need. Communicating openly is really more romantic, because it shows you care about each other. Open sharing leads you to become more fulfilled and to have a happier sexual experience.
Sometimes couples don’t talk about their physical desires, because all they have ever heard is "dirty talk", or, they believe talking about sex is "tabu." You don’t have to talk dirty to share with each other. There are many good resources you can get to learn the proper terms. Remember, your sexual relationship is God’s gift to you both. As you share it together, it will become more meaningful.
As you observe the three steps of the Romance Dance, you’ll not only avoid stepping on your partner’s toes, you’ll also find a new level of intimacy as a couple.
For more information about the author and his writings.
www.arelationshipplaceformarriageandfamilycounseling.com/articles/romance.html
Dr. Tom Zimmerman, M.A., DMin.,
President, Southwest Center for Life Change
Author of "Heart to Heart: 7 Steps to Make Your Love Come Alive"
For as long as mankind has been around, there has been that special attraction between a man and woman, the romantic connection that is a combination of everything about them: their personalities, their way of talking, and their physical appearances.
The physical relationship is obviously very important in developing a healthy marriage: who doesn’t want to have a good sex life? You certainly didn’t get married because you only wanted a roommate or a good friend. You want to share life with your partner, including a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse.
Too often, things come up that give couples difficulty, especially in their physical relationship.
When tensions start to rise or when communication breaks down, it often affects the physical relationship. There are several things that can keep couples from experiencing the physical intimacy they long for:
• Many of us have some unspoken hang-ups about sex and aren’t comfortable talking about our needs or fears.
• Many people have been hurt by negative sexual experiences from the past.
• We sometimes have wrong expectations about sex, based on what society tells us. Although our world tells us promiscuity and adultery seems ok, sexual unfaithfulness ruins a marriage faster than anything else I’ve seen.
The Three Steps of The Romance Dance
To get beyond the hang-ups, miscommunication, and selfishness that can derail our romance, let’s focus on three steps that will help every couple become more intimate.
Step 1 - Create the Mood
Everyone knows how nice it is to have a romantic setting with the lights down low, candles burning, and soft music playing in the background. It creates the right mood.
More important than candles and music is how you treat each other. You create the right mood in your marriage by how you love one another. The fact is this: all other parts of your marriage carry over to your sexual relationship. If you just had an argument, it affects how the two of you relate physically. If you have a lot of stress in your lives, it affects your romantic atmosphere. If you take each other for granted, it affects you as a couple.
How you interact with each other and honor each other can greatly influence your sexual relationship. That phrase "sex starts in the kitchen" is not really talking about where to have sex, but it has a lot to say about how we should treat each other. How you treat her in the kitchen will influence how she can respond to you in the bedroom.
To create the mood, couples should focus on a few important things: respect one another, honor one another, give generously to one another, and share plenty of casual, non-sexual touches.
Step 2 – Know the Steps: understand your differences
Even though sex has often been twisted and misused, it still is a beautiful gift. God gave you to each other to cherish and to enjoy. He also gave you each other to meet your legitimate sexual needs.
We all know men and women are physically different. We are wired differently and have different sexual needs as well. For many couples, men focus on the act, women focus on the closeness. Men tend to be fast in arousal – like a microwave. Women are slower to warm up, but are often more intense and longer-lasting – like a crockpot.
We need to not only understand these differences, but also love each other by adjusting to the differences. If the man can be patient with his wife, they both will have a deeper, more meaningful sexual relationship. If the woman recognizes his needs for action and not just cuddles, this will help them as a couple.
Step 3 – Share the Experience
Most of us marry because we want to share life with the person we love. Sharing is foundational to all that we do as couples. Sharing is also very important in your sexual relationship.
There are really two things necessary to share deeply with each other. First, you need to have a sharing mind-set. Be committed to giving to your spouse, to sharing your life with him / her. Focus as much on meeting your partner’s needs as your own.
Communication is also crucial to effective sharing. As you share information with each other, you will better understand one another. When it comes to sex, we often fall into the trap of expecting our partners to just know what we want. We expect our partners to be good at mind-reading.
It isn’t less romantic to talk about what you like or need. Communicating openly is really more romantic, because it shows you care about each other. Open sharing leads you to become more fulfilled and to have a happier sexual experience.
Sometimes couples don’t talk about their physical desires, because all they have ever heard is "dirty talk", or, they believe talking about sex is "tabu." You don’t have to talk dirty to share with each other. There are many good resources you can get to learn the proper terms. Remember, your sexual relationship is God’s gift to you both. As you share it together, it will become more meaningful.
As you observe the three steps of the Romance Dance, you’ll not only avoid stepping on your partner’s toes, you’ll also find a new level of intimacy as a couple.
For more information about the author and his writings.
www.arelationshipplaceformarriageandfamilycounseling.com/articles/romance.html
that there is what one want, how they "think" or "believe" it should be or is going to be, and quick fix that they are lead to believe will arrange everything and anything if they go by "that book".
? Come on....