#1 Cause of Divorce Rate in the Church is....

[Poetricia (G.A.P.)]

I think that if the church follows the trends and statistics of secular society, then the number one reason for divorce is M O N E Y plain and simple. Now those frustrations may cause to some men to (wrongly) look for the understanding, comfort, and sympaty of another woman, which sometimes leads infidelity which in turn sometimes leads to divorce.

[kitty]

hhhmmmm......

I don't know if I agree... I think most people get a divorce for 3 reasons...

First I think most don't really have the heart to commit to marriage.

Second, I think many aren't honest with their mate about what their expectations are or what they expect from each other...

3rd many people do marry the wrong person plain and simple.

Kitty

[anointedteacher]

Adultry.... Man of God reached out and touch, laying on hands, ...

[Nikkol]

1. PPl equate love with this "good feeling you feel on the inside". So when that "feeling" goes, they go.

2. Ppl have changed the vows to only indicate "for better, health, richer, as long as I like what you do"

3. PPl think that just because they don't like something or something bad happens, they can "jump ship".

4. Ppl don't understand what a life committment really means

5. They treat marriage as a new toy that when it's no longer new or they no longer like it, they can get rid of it.

6. People don't put God first and say that divorce can't be an option and be both willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. That could be compromises, etc.

This of course is between Christian marriages. Of course, if one is a Christian and the other isn't, that isn't a good reason to divorce either...... and I wouldn't say that adultery means divorce either.

Side Note: Haven't had a good debate in a while..... <<smile>>

[Jasmine]

I did a study for my communications class, about the top three reasons why people divorce. The WORLD gets divorce for these reasons.

1. SEX
2. MONEY
3. COMMUNICATION

The Church: Top three reasons

1. Abuse
2. Adultery
3. Abandonment

When it comes to divorces, the church exceeds all. How utterly sad!

There are polls taken that suggest Christians also divorce based on...financial situations, ministry differences, and the lack of sex.

[kitty]

lack of sex? Really?

That's surprising.....

Kitty

[Jasmine]

It was surprising to me as well. I will have to find that exact poll, but the reasoning was behind it was if a spouse was not willing to have sex, on regular and consistent basis to maintain the spouses high sex drive, then the spouse would rather divorce than commit adultery.

It was in the top of the poll, nevertheless it was on the poll.

If a spouse can divorce someone one based on the lack of sex, then something is wrong. Either that person is a sex addict, they are just plain selfish, or they have no idea on what the overall concept of marriage is all about.

[vin]

It doesn't surprise me at all. People are sitting in church married to people they can't stand. When a woman gets sick of a man one of the first things to shut down is the sex. Cause what you ain't gonna do is get on my last nerve and then get on top of me. A man can argue with you and use sex to make up. A woman is the opposite. For the most part we're different like that.

I also agree that it's not money but the lack of commitment. If the commitment was there it wouldn't matter about the money. They would stick together until times get better. People "say" it's money. But if there was commitment, money would just be a hurdle to get over.

It's like people go into marriage with one eye still on the door.

[stillfocused]

I agree with alot that has been posted..and say that selfishness is a part of the lack of commitment; along with the failure to understand that the decisions one makes affects everyone around is another reason for divorce. As many people marry; yet, they still want to live and act like they did when they were not married. As as someone mentioned..God is not the center of the union..yet, he's been placed on until needed.

[krazeeboi]

Very interesting that the 1st and 3rd posts lay the blame primarily at the feet of the man.

[nina2]

I agree that commitment would be the keyword, and everything else might just be "excuses" rather than "causes" for divorce.

I also would like to add that, of course, we always tend to draw a line between christian and non christian marriages. However, there was a time when for non christian too, some values were deeply held and that includes the fact that marriage was for a lifetime.

The issues that couples bring up today to justify their "giving up" are nothing new, they always existed. And, I would dare to say, especially the ones related to money or the lack there of.

It seems - imho - that nowadays couples have unrealistic expectations when it comes to what or how much of "stuff" should already be there when they get married.

Times have changed, definitely, and fast. But today, there is that unspoken of check list about material things and if all the boxes are not checked in due time, then it's time to go out the door.

The bottom line - again, in my opinion - is that "life happens", and it happens to all of us. Sadly, the current "crisis" is a great illustration of how circumstances can drastically change overnight. Somebody might have had a fantastic career today and find him/herself in the unemployment line tomorrow....
Then what??? Actually, that could be the test of a lot of marriages these days, because the crisis outside has invaded inside the homes in a big way.

Sometimes, a couple just has to agree - provided that they communicate! - on realigning their priorities and making some "sacrifices".... Oooooohhh, bad word.... Again, they also have to be willing to give some things, some time to materialize.

When it comes to sex as a cause of divorce.... I think (just me) that maybe, christian or not, men and women have gotten caught up in all that constant talk about it, in all kinds of media, where everything revolves around it, before, during and after marriage.
Everybody is concerned - it seems - about performing and nothing else. And if you can't, well, lucky you, they even have drugs and surgeries to help you!!! Isn't it crazy??
I'm not going into the details but there is a lot of reasons why a man might not feel like it, and different ones - sometimes - why a woman might not feel like it either. The problem is that they might not not be in sync' when they are not in the mood

And, running to counseling should not necessarily be the first thing to do either. I strongly believe in communicating, period. I don't believe that there is anything that a couple should not be able to sit down and talk about (not argue about), together, no matter how long it takes, and come to the bottom of anything, together, and resolve it, together.

A couple who gets married should keep their eyes on the prize, and the prize is not getting married, otherwise it would end right there and then....

[anointedteacher]

Dec 28, 2008 17:52:51 GMT -5 krazeeboi said:

Very interesting that the 1st and 3rd posts lay the blame primarily at the feet of the man.

That was a joke.. every marriage and situation are different. Most of the time, divorce is an easy way out... too lazy to fight for the marriage, too selfish to care about other person needs and feeling, and too much pride to get help. MONEY... blame each other for their financial failure, instead coming together working to solve the problem. Dog is a man(mankind) best friend, not credit cards and expensive sport cars...

[stillfocused]

I thought I would revive this post..has anyone else been sensing an urgency concerning marrinages in the last few months?