Overcoming Grief

[lanl ns]

Greetings everyone,

I have been dealing with some of the strangest emotions these past few months/ years.

This is long:::::::::::::

As I have stated before that many times I suffer from bought of depression; well lately (for almost two years) I keep having reoccurring dreams about my grandfather dying.

My grandfather has been dead since 1989 and in my dreams it is the same scene over and over "someone is telling me that my grandfather died and I break out crying" In my dream I am telling myself or someone that my grandfather died years ago and why am i still crying.

I actually wake up crying from my dreams.............

Well on this past Sunday one of our Evangelist came to me and asked if everything was OK and I said yes I am alright and she said " we are going to pray this thing out of you, and that you must confront whatever it is you are dealing with"

Her words hung in my head, and of course I was trying to speak to everyone after church, so I really didn't go into detail with her.

Later in my prayer time I asked the Lord to help me understand what the prophetess meant, and it was dropped in my spirit that I haven't grieved / healed properly over the death of my grandfather........

I have been praying over this for the past few days and I am beginning to get a clear understanding on this emotion.

If anyone has any books or suggestions regarding grief please help me out, because one thing I have come to realize is that many times we (Black people) are not taught how to handle grief properly.

I probably should have went to grief counseling but because my grandfather was older, saved, sanctified pastor we shouted cried and were told to just let go because he is in heaven. I was 18 and wasn't saved so I just went along with the program...........

Spiritually we let go................but humanly there is a major lost (void) in our lives that we need to deal with.

My grandfather was my best friend, he was my father, my everything and now I realize that when he died I felt as if i had lost my anchor and that's is the part that i haven't dealt with.

In me losing my anchor, I went out in the world trying to develop my own support blah , blah, blah and my emotions were a wreak................. bcuz I still haven't healed.

If anyone knows anything about grief counseling please advise ..

Thanks and keep me in your prayers..................

[Jasmine nsi]

lanl,

When i was in the hospital, a couple of days after the death of my daughter an evangelist from the church gave me a book called "Good Grief" by Granger E. Westberg. His ministry was "wholistic health".

She told me that when she had a miscarriage the book was given to her by another sister in the church, and she was given it to me to read.

I read the book the day i was released from the hospital. I read it in 2 hours. It dealt with 10 stages of grief.

1. Shock
2. Express Emotion
3. We feel depressed and lonely
4. We experience physical symptoms of distress
5. We may become panicky
6. Feel sense of guilt about the loss
7. We become angry and resentful
8. We resist returning
9. Gradually hope comes through
10. We struggle to affirm reality.


The book will help you understand the stages of Grief. I can say that I experienced all of those stages, they didn't necessarily come in the order in which we speaks, but I experienced them all. I tend to find that with alot of people who has suffered a loss, usualy stay in a depressed state, or they remain angry with God. I loved God to much to remain angry, but I was angry. I can recall watching maternity ward on TLC one night with my husband, and we watched how they saved a drug addicts baby. The baby weighed less than 1 pound, they found small tubes to supply the baby with oxygen and everything. Then i thought about our child that died, and I because so angry with God. My husband expressed openly what I was thinking. "The mother is on drugs, and her child was spared, the child's life was saved, and here we are trying to do everything right, yet our child dies".

Its a hard pill to swallow, and I have come to accept what God has allowed. But if you ask me today do i still deal with grief in some stages, my answer would be yes.

I have realized this, have heard it on several occasions as well that:

Time and emotions happen in different parts of the brain If you had an extremely strong event happen and you have that emotion bottled up inside you, that emotion is still there, and lasts FOREVER until you let it out. So, let it out, and be done. This is a widely commented on and researched fact; think on it and find power in it.


oh yea the book is really small, mines is green, there are various prints of it. You will want to purchase the one that says " Good grief" -only. There are others that say good grief, but have subtopics.

I hope this helps!

[stillfocused]

My sister..the words that were spoken to you are very true. Yet, I know that God is a deliverer and even in those times we feel and say that everything..it may well seem to be okay. I was asked the question " Did someone die and you weren't allowed to grief ? " I shook my head, yes. The incident happened when I was a child and seemed to keep happening in my teens. That list was very thorough yet, a couple of real emotions and feelings were left out....blaming one's self and rejection. I found that even though I didn't get depression..I felt that it was my fault that my sister was no longer with us. And you're right we as black people don't grief properly and because of our fear of God is sometimes not reverential..yet, a scared that he will "get" us if we do the wrong thing...we won't say that we're angry at God. We won't go to him and say that we don't understand and ask the question "why" or even ask the questions that no one seems to have like "where were
you" ? To make a long testimony short..I was at a women's conference being taken back over some of the most important moments of my life..when I found myself crying at the top of my lungs...Where is she ? Where is she ? when the next thing I knew I was screaming " where were you ? where were you ? and gently and ever so sweetly I heard the response in my heart " I have been here the whole time ? " You see my sister I was a child of 4 yrs. old when this incident happened and over 30 yrs. old when that happened. I have walked in my healing and deliverance ever since. Blame is easy to accept; yet, being in denial about what has truly happened is not. May the Lord strengthen doing this season as you seek guidance, counsel, and yes, deliverance from this.

[lanl ns]

thank you all for the advice