On Sisterhood

[keita]

beulah5 said:

Sankofa is a very popular Ghanain term and very symbolic.

Imo post a little extract on exactly what it means:

The concept of SANKOFA is derived from King Adinkera of the Akan people of West Afrika. SANKOFA is expressed in the Akan language as "se wo were fi na wosan kofa a yenki."

Literally translated it means "it is not taboo to go back and fetch what you forgot".

"Sankofa" teaches us that we must go back to our roots in order to move forward. That is, we should reach back and gather the best of what our past has to teach us, so that we can achieve our full potential as we move forward. Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone or been stripped of, can be reclaimed, revived, preserved and perpetuated.

Visually and symbolically "Sankofa" is expressed as a mythic bird that flies forward while looking backward with an egg (symbolizing the future) in its mouth.

Thanks for sharing this info, Sista Bee! Reading your post reminded me of a season when I developed and taught a Bible study series using the theme and symbol of"sankofa". We were essentially exploring and celebrating the African presence in the Word as well as its particular connection and significance to African American Christians. I remember that time as a wonderful experience for us as a congregation and truly special to me as it was also my first call to and assignment in public ministry.

Thanks for the memory!

I really think this portion of your post:

Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone or been stripped of, can be reclaimed, revived, preserved and perpetuated.

beautifully returns us to the original post of this thread and considering the choice we can all make about sisterhood. I think that's too important of a discussion to risk it slipping away another time.

So from one art lover to any others who are here, I propose that we "sankofa" the original post of this thread:

"How we treat other women is often a reflection of how we see ourselves. If within the private recesses of our own minds and hearts, we are not convinced of our unique God-given beauty and worth, it is difficult to see the beauty and worth of others like us. So chances are that we will act out with cruel thoughts, words, or actions our lack of self-love upon another woman in whose eyes we see our own reflection.

The ideal of sisterhood encourages women to build trust among themseles and work together in seeking ways to solve problems that are unique to us.

Unfortunately, some of us continue to kick the notion of sisterhood to the curb. But it does not have to be that way.

We have a choice."

Stephanie Bibb
Women's Liberation:Jesus Style

so that we can "reclaim, revive, preserve and perpetuate" this part of our discussion.

[keita]

virtue said:

keita said:

So chances are that we will act out with cruel thoughts, words, or actions our lack of self-love upon another woman in whose eyes we see our own reflection.

That is true...why do ppl tend to project their (negative) feelings onto others??

Sisters,

I think Virtue's question deserves our attention. Your thoughts?

[this2shallpass]

Thanks Keita for putting me back on course. I apologize for taking the topic in another direction. I was enjoying the conversation.

(Me, too, Sis and it continues here )

Back to the original topic:

How we treat other women is often a reflection of how we see ourselves. If within the private recesses of our own minds and hearts, we are not convinced of our unique God-given beauty and worth, it is difficult to see the beauty and worth of others like us. So chances are that we will act out with cruel thoughts, words, or actions our lack of self-love upon another woman in whose eyes we see our own reflection.

The ideal of sisterhood encourages women to build trust among themseles and work together in seeking ways to solve problems that are unique to us.

Unfortunately, some of us continue to kick the notion of sisterhood to the curb. But it does not have to be that way.

We have a choice.

I tend to treat women with kindness, because I enjoy the company of women (and my husband). However, I don't often receive that treatment in return. Not even from Christian women. Many women seem to be leary of kind actions.


I work with this woman who I have attempted to treat in a friendly manner. We are the only 2 women in our department (sales assistants to bank loan officers). She knows I am Christian. She says she is spirtual.

If I say something nice, she ignors me - really. When I compliment her on her work, or even an outfit she is wearing, she snaps back like she is to busy to accept a compliment.

On the other hand; when she takes a notion to be friendly, I reciprocate. I think she is a nice person beneath that hard exterior.

When she is being friendly, it seems she suddenly becomes aware that she is being nice, and will abruptly end the conversation, and walk away

Even though I am tempted to react and bring this to her attention, I'm afraid she will strike out. She seem to be very angry about something..... I pray very hard for her, and for me not to react to her angry behavior - very hard. Sometimes it really bothers me.

I'm trying/beginning to accept this behavior as the type of person/women she is. Sometimes I think she is just plain mean (or crazy) .

So chances are that we will act out with cruel thoughts, words, or actions our lack of self-love upon another woman in whose eyes we see our own reflection.

could that statement mean that she is acting or reacting to me, because she sees that same in me? (too deep)

[livinganewlife]

Reflecting on the subject of Sisterhood, as a young girl I longed for friendship and to feel the closeness of my "sisters". But to many times I have ended up hurt and sadden by the way some of my "sisters" have treated me.

From a child "women" have ALWAYS been my number one torture ;D, from childhood teasing and taunting to teenage jealousy, to college envy, to adult career competitiveness. Sisters have always been my "thorn in the flesh"

Do I see women as my enemy NO of course not, as I have gotten older I realize that people who project their negative feelings and thoughts toward you are only wounded souls reaching out.

They are not trying to hurt you but because of the hurt within themselves they only know to lash out. "Only hurting people hurt others", it is that repetitive cycle of abuse....... that women oftentimes perpetuate on one another

In my mind no women has had to ever fear that I wanted her husband, boyfriend or whatever the case maybe. There is nothing that another woman has that I covet, but yet when I try to "praise" and "honor" my sisters for their accomplishments I am often combated with Jealousy and pure Hatred.

I am from the south and I have noticed that more so in the South I was confronted with the Jealousy and envy from my "sisters" as opposed to those who live on the East and West coasts.

Again, this has helped me to realize that so many of us "women" have not had the chance to celebrate who we are and what we are because so many of us grew up in household where there was still residue of a slave mentality locked into our minds. And because of this mindset; beauty, kindness, and LOVE was not promoted and therefore was not received. SURVIVAL for so long was the basic focus of women and appreciating ourselves and other women was secondary.

Sisters,we need each other to grow, we need our sisters to love, to thrive and to survive.

I could not make it without the love and support from my Sisters, even you all on this BB have become my "cyber sisters" and I look forward to the wisdom and knowledge that each of us share.

Be Blessed Sisters
Love You ALL!!!!!

[this2shallpass]

From a child "women" have ALWAYS been my number one torture , from childhood teasing and taunting to teenage jealousy, to college envy, to adult career competitiveness. Sisters have always been my "thorn in the flesh"

I could not make it without the love and support from my Sisters, even you all on this BB have become my "cyber sisters" and I look forward to the wisdom and knowledge that each of us share

I'm don't mean to be condesendng or rude, but how can women be a thorn in your side, yet, you could not make it without the love and support of your sisters.

Because of my post previous to yours, may I ask are you leary of the motive of women; given your past relationships?

I grew up as a mama's girl. I loved my mother the most Wherever she went, she took me with her, I sat up with her when the other kids were in bed. We talked, or should I say, she talked to me about everything. She told me what to expect as I became a women; the best way to survive menopause: Make sure you have a good man by your side I have four sisters, and they still tease me about that today. I have a feeling she had those private times with all her girls.

In high school, I participated in activities that involved only young girls. It was important that we be a team.

I grew up with the same girl friends (4) from elementry school through from high school and as grown women friends. We braided each others hair, slept over each other's houses (even after coming in from the bar ) as adult single women. We still keep in touch. Sure we argued sometimes, but we always came back together.

I believe these relationships shaped my view of women.

I tend to believe one of the major issue with women is gossip. WE TALK TO MUCH about each other - and not in a good way.

Women tear each other down with the words from their mouths. Even Christian women. Actually, I believe some Christian women can be more cruel with their words. I've heard/had Christian women say to me, that they believe another sister was/is a witch . Accuse women in the church of flirting with ALL the men. I've even known women in the Church come together and make plans to drive a sister away from the church, and praise God when she was gone.

How can you gossip about your sister to other women, and still smile in her face, be her sister? You can't, not with any sincerity(spelling).

This is really sad.

The ideal of sisterhood encourages women to build trust among themseles and work together in seeking ways to solve problems that are unique to us.

Unfortunately, some of us continue to kick the notion of sisterhood to the curb. But it does not have to be that way.

We have a choice

It appears many of our sisters? are making the wrong choice..........

[Jasmine NSI]

keita said:

virtue said:

That is true...why do ppl tend to project their (negative) feelings onto others??

Sisters,

I think Virtue's question deserves our attention. Your thoughts?

Hello Sisters,

We can answer that with a scripture: Out of the heart flows the issues of life. So what every your heart is filled with, you will project that to those who come in contact with you.

TTSP wrote:
could that statement mean that she is acting or reacting to me, because she sees that same in me? (too deep)

It could be, and I have also known by experience, that when a person recognizes a gift in you, and it could possibly be a gift that they want, or may also have, their actions toward you are not friendly. I also believe that spirits recognize spirits, and that spirit can be recognized by one who also deals with it, which would cause them to act cruel, or same ungodly things about that individual.


You will rarely find me surrounded by multiple women, unless we were in the sanctuary lifting up the name of the Lord. I have learned that being in the company of 3-4 sisters, whom i can trust, can receive encouragement, prayer, and even sometimes when I need it a good rebuke, thats enough for me.

While I certainly do and will embrace my sisters, i prefer to keep a low number of those whom i say im in "company with". Less drama. no one fighting on getting attention, no one argueing over pettyiness..

Ive been there and done that, I dont ever expect to go back!

[endure4him]

Hello my sisters...just stopping by

Very good topic...and I definitely agree with Sis. Jas on this point

You will rarely find me surrounded by multiple women, unless we were in the sanctuary lifting up the name of the Lord. I have learned that being in the company of 3-4 sisters, whom i can trust, can receive encouragement, prayer, and even sometimes when I need it a good rebuke, thats enough for me.

While I certainly do and will embrace my sisters, i prefer to keep a low number of those whom i say im in "company with". Less drama. no one fighting on getting attention, no one argueing over pettyiness..

Much love to each of you, have a very blessed and prosperous weekend!

BTW...have spoken with Sis. Mo a couple of times, her words "tell the fam I said hello" she had a little sick spell but, she's okay...still writing and lifting up the Name of Jesus!

[keita]

BTW...have spoken with Sis. Mo a couple of times, her words "tell the fam I said hello" she had a little sick spell but, she's okay...still writing and lifting up the Name of Jesus!

PRAISE GOD that sista is well and still on the journey!
Mo is much missed and "madly" loved.

[keita]

Min. Lisa shared a wonderful word of insight for this topic on another thread in this forum. You can read it here, which I recommend to anyone who has not already done so.

[livinganewlife]

this2shallpass said:

From a child "women" have ALWAYS been my number one torture , from childhood teasing and taunting to teenage jealousy, to college envy, to adult career competitiveness. Sisters have always been my "thorn in the flesh"

I'm don't mean to be condesendng or rude, but how can women be a thorn in your side, yet, you could not make it without the love and support of your sisters.

Because of my post previous to yours, may I ask are you leary of the motive of women; given your past relationships?

I grew up as a mama's girl. I loved my mother the most Wherever she went, she took me with her, I sat up with her when the other kids were in bed. We talked, or should I say, she talked to me about everything. She told me what to expect as I became a women; the best way to survive menopause: Make sure you have a good man by your side I have four sisters, and they still tease me about that today. I have a feeling she had those private times with all her girls.

In high school, I participated in activities that involved only young girls. It was important that we be a team.

I grew up with the same girl friends (4) from elementry school through from high school and as grown women friends. We braided each others hair, slept over each other's houses (even after coming in from the bar ) as adult single women. We still keep in touch. Sure we argued sometimes, but we always came back together.

I believe these relationships shaped my view of women.

I tend to believe one of the major issue with women is gossip. WE TALK TO MUCH about each other - and not in a good way.

Women tear each other down with the words from their mouths. Even Christian women. Actually, I believe some Christian women can be more cruel with their words. I've heard/had Christian women say to me, that they believe another sister was/is a witch . Accuse women in the church of flirting with ALL the men. I've even known women in the Church come together and make plans to drive a sister away from the church, and praise God when she was gone.

How can you gossip about your sister to other women, and still smile in her face, be her sister? You can't, not with any sincerity(spelling).

This is really sad.

We have a choice

It appears many of our sisters? are making the wrong choice..........

Thistoo, you are not being condescending or rude, however if you would reread your own post you will understand exactly what I am talking about.

In regards to women being a "thorn in my flesh" I can say that every time I have been put down, talked down, talked about, treated wrong, or anything that has basically caused me to feel bad about myself has resulted from the action of a "sister".

Thistoo you stated in your post how women treat each other, even in the church and that clearly lets me know that you understand how women can be a "thorn in the flesh"

I too like Jas, have limited my friends to only 3 girlfriends whom I have known since elementary school and my sister.

I tried the popular activities and all of that but it didn't quite work out for me like it did for you.

That is not to say that what your parents taught you about women is wrong as opposed to what my parents taught about women. As a matter of fact my mother did and does today all the girlfriend stuff, but having alot of women friends is just not in my "destiny".

For me "girlfriend groups, sisterhood" and all of that has not worked out.

Now for the 3 girlfriends I do have and my blood Sister I would not trade them for the world and neither would I have made it without their love and support.

To my "cyber sisters" well yall da bomb because we only chat out here in cyber space, now in the real world we may not all click like we are now. And to those whom I trust and share with I thank God for them bcuz when I was going through someone on this BB always had a word of encouragement.

Hope that clears it up for you, as I said when I wrote the post I WAS REFLECTING on the word Sisterhood and how that has affected MY life...... ;D ;D

[virtue77]

I always thought that we are supposed to treat a person the same way we would want them to treat us. I know for me personally, thats what I live by. I do my best to treat my sisters with kindness, love, respect, etc...thought I may not always get the same in return. Sometimes, it hurts because I have been nothing but kind to them, yet they cannot or will not receive it.

But, I thank God for those women who do return the love and kindness that I show to them. Even if its as simple as saying "good morning" in return when I say it to them. Even that little thing can encourage someone and make their day a little brighter.

[J13578]

Sometimes, the things that are free seem to be the hardest to give: a smile, a word, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry, a prayer.... Kindness has become suspicious. Maybe we need a little more "faith" in each other, God for sure believes in us....

[this2shallpass]

Living, I did go back and read my own postings, and I guess I do see what you mean.

Thistoo you stated in your post how women treat each other, even in the church and that clearly lets me know that you understand how women can be a "thorn in the flesh"

And I loved them anyway. But, they still wrong I'll just leave that in God's hands. All I knowis when I see these things happen, I find a way to get away. Cause I know I could be next And God knows I was, anyway

"How we treat other women is often a reflection of how we see ourselves. If within the private recesses of our own minds and hearts, we are not convinced of our unique God-given beauty and worth, it is difficult to see the beauty and worth of others like us. So chances are that we will act out with cruel thoughts, words, or actions our lack of self-love upon another woman in whose eyes we see our own reflection.

Keita, I'm really meditating on that statement. So often I witness women 'acting out' against another women in groups. So, I'm wondering how that applies to groups of women. Of course most groups have a leader.

As for the women that I work with who is so distant, it's been brought to my attention that she 'discusses' me with other women. We are the only women in our department, but not in the company/building.

It does not bother me that she 'gossips' about me. I can even respect the fact that she finds it difficult to face me because of her guilt. I don't have a clue what she could be saying....about me

And I love her (with the love of the Lord) anyway. I really think she is a smart women. She really is. I wonder why women who can have so much going for them still feel the urge to gossip about other women?

God has me in a season of aloneness. I can't have no friends as hard as I try. I can be friendly, but.......if I attempt to get to close, it always turns out with God sending me or them the other way.

Now, I know we not going to make this a man thing, but men can get on my nerve more than women, even my husband, sometimes (sweet thang ). I work with mostly men, in senior positions, and they just wreck my nerves with all their needs, superior attitudes, and male egos.

Went home this weekend for Family Reunion. THANK GOD FOR MY SISTERS. IT'S A FAMILY REUNION Food, food, food, love, love, love. There were saved and unsaved at the Family reunion. Although we are all family, the saved women just kind of came together as though drawn by a magnet. It was a beautiful time. We shared and talked about the Lord, while we ate, and fellowshipped with family. The young kids had talent shows It was just to cute, and so much fun.

This is a good topic. I'm really becoming more conscious of how I react to and treat women.

Love. I'm so full after spending three days with family at the Family Reunion. So happy

God is sooooo Good.

[stillfocused]

While glancing over some the posts a question came to mind ?


AM I MY SISTER'S KEEPER ?

How many times I have kept my mouth shut when someone is discussing my sister in a not so good way? How many times has one declared " she thinks she's cute ?" and it's not really that at all..it that we think she's cute and can't understand that because she spends time in the presence of the Lord; that the Spirit within here is illuminating on the outside. For those you have posted we need our sisters..that is the truth. Because true sisterhood will allow you to be who Christ has called you to be within the fear of being rejected because one doesn't carry the right bag, wear name brand levels, drive a 2005 Lexus, or live in a big fancy house. True sisters allow you to become naked and unshamed, in bearing the secrets of one's heart without the fear of the whole town or church finding out. In the past I was challenged to love another who only wanted to harm me; to pray for her; when she slandered me and set to destroy me; speak to her when I wanted to go the way; give her a hug when it was obivious that she was at war with me; stop others from defaming her..when she was defaming me; pray for her healing when she was rebuking and praying against me publicly, share some nuggets with her; when she excluding me from outings, withholding information, etc. Yet, no matter what God got the glory and when I was asked was I my sister's keeper ?
I searched my own heart and said "NO"; and allowed God to heal me from my own hurt as I reached out to one who had rejected me..hard ? Yes !! Yet, necessary to understand the importance of what 'sisterhood" really was. And to learn to accept others for who they are and see through the eyes of God and not my own.