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Post by Beulah5 on Aug 18, 2005 6:34:39 GMT -5
Now this is a step further in the martyr complex. What is our obsession with this need to be everything to everyone? General managers of planet earth and all nearby planets?  |
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Post by virtue 77 on Aug 22, 2005 21:23:26 GMT -5
I'd have to say, maybe it has to do with that nurturing instinct  ....possibly...always wanting to care for someone, even sometimes knowing there is nothing you can do...  |
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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Jan 3, 2007 14:40:28 GMT -5
"Messiah Complex"!
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Post by keita on Oct 13, 2007 5:51:36 GMT -5
BUMP BUMP BUMPITY BUMP BUMP!  |
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Post by newmercies on Oct 14, 2007 23:37:47 GMT -5
BUMP BUMP BUMPITY BUMP BUMP! lol sister kieta you sure do like to bump  |
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Post by Beulah5 on Oct 15, 2007 8:56:22 GMT -5
ROFL!!! She is getting married and so that fits in well ;D ;D!! Having said that though this is an important topic . I listen to a lot of women and i am sorry 75% of what they go through is because they feel they should be part of everything going They stick themselves in and carry false responsibilities that no one asked them to-even in marriages and then they want to go around moaning  . Yesterday one of my male friends asked me to go to the supermarket with him and while we were there i refused to lift a finger to help him bag his items or anything of the sort (considering that i also picked up a bunch of items without his permission and well expected him to pay for them AND BAG THEM) . He said to me: I have never met anyone as mean as you and that is why i have been asking you to marry me the last few years ;D. My response: I didnt ask you to fall in love with me so that is ur own problem . In addition i was minding my own business b4 u asked me to come out with u-bagging items in a supermarket was never on my agenda so carry ur own load and take me out for a meal while we are on the subject  . Off we went to a plush inn and i was totally wined and dined and deposited back at my front door *SIGH*SIGH*. My point: sisters need to stop trying too hard . Many of my sisters who are having marital problems i have noticed is because many times they are just trying too hard. My friend used to moan about how she had to cook 3/4 times a day for her man for years, how he would leave off paying the bills and she would have to do it etc etc etc One day i was talking to her husband and he made me know that all the stuff that she does he is quiet happy to do himself and that he simply had never asked her to do his laundry and make him lunches for work and that she simply had a martyr complex which he was not going to stop her using if it brought her some kind of joy . I havent even touched on the drama that goes on in the house of God with women fighting over positions, cupbearing, robebearing, basket bearing, carrying pastor's briefcase .... a lot of what we call ministerial abuse is simply because a lot of women instead of letting God heal their own issues try too hard to mean something to people and ministers by overcompensating in various areas that no one has simply asked them to  . You ask a lot of them and they say: i need to be needed. The best times for me started happening when i let God rid me of that ideology many years ago-i will do anything for anyone if i can and if they ask me but i do not volunteer myself to be no one's band aid, mediator, head of whatever team and general manager of planet england/ counsellor/ personal prophetess Which is exactly why i have time and space to cultivate a relationship with my maker and to fully enjoy my life without unecessary responsibilities. Oh and my skin texture shows that as well Most women are so heavy with other people's businesses that we are scary. LITERALLY even to me another woman ;D |
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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Oct 15, 2007 9:21:38 GMT -5
ROFL!!! She is getting married and so that fits in well ;D ;D!! ROFL! |
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Post by newmercies on Oct 15, 2007 17:12:20 GMT -5
ROFL!!! She is getting married and so that fits in well ;D ;D!! ROFL! WOW Sister Kieta Gettin merried??? Thats Wonderful Congradulations!!! Love Jessica |
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Post by auneeqsol on Dec 13, 2007 11:50:17 GMT -5
ROFL!!! She is getting married and so that fits in well ;D ;D!! Having said that though this is an important topic . I listen to a lot of women and i am sorry 75% of what they go through is because they feel they should be part of everything going They stick themselves in and carry false responsibilities that no one asked them to-even in marriages and then they want to go around moaning . Yesterday one of my male friends asked me to go to the supermarket with him and while we were there i refused to lift a finger to help him bag his items or anything of the sort (considering that i also picked up a bunch of items without his permission and well expected him to pay for them AND BAG THEM) . He said to me: I have never met anyone as mean as you and that is why i have been asking you to marry me the last few years ;D. My response: I didnt ask you to fall in love with me so that is ur own problem . In addition i was minding my own business b4 u asked me to come out with u-bagging items in a supermarket was never on my agenda so carry ur own load and take me out for a meal while we are on the subject . Off we went to a plush inn and i was totally wined and dined and deposited back at my front door *SIGH*SIGH*. My point: sisters need to stop trying too hard . Many of my sisters who are having marital problems i have noticed is because many times they are just trying too hard. My friend used to moan about how she had to cook 3/4 times a day for her man for years, how he would leave off paying the bills and she would have to do it etc etc etc One day i was talking to her husband and he made me know that all the stuff that she does he is quiet happy to do himself and that he simply had never asked her to do his laundry and make him lunches for work and that she simply had a martyr complex which he was not going to stop her using if it brought her some kind of joy . I havent even touched on the drama that goes on in the house of God with women fighting over positions, cupbearing, robebearing, basket bearing, carrying pastor's briefcase .... a lot of what we call ministerial abuse is simply because a lot of women instead of letting God heal their own issues try too hard to mean something to people and ministers by overcompensating in various areas that no one has simply asked them to . You ask a lot of them and they say: i need to be needed. The best times for me started happening when i let God rid me of that ideology many years ago-i will do anything for anyone if i can and if they ask me but i do not volunteer myself to be no one's band aid, mediator, head of whatever team and general manager of planet england/ counsellor/ personal prophetess Which is exactly why i have time and space to cultivate a relationship with my maker and to fully enjoy my life without unecessary responsibilities. Oh and my skin texture shows that as well Most women are so heavy with other people's businesses that we are scary. LITERALLY even to me another woman ;D But what happens when you recognize that maybe you are doing too much in the home, church, family (extended) and you want to pull back and breathe in health and wellness for yourself, along with being ministered to by God, and the people around you just go into shock when you do, like the world will end if you dont be there? Well I just took my independence, from friends, husband (in the right way of course) and children, church, extended family etc. And they tripped!! I lost friends, my family got mad...lol my huby somtimes didnt understand, my kids were fairly alright, ppl at church was like what's going on....all because I cut back....(mind you im pregnant, diabetic- for right now, still believin my healin...(smile) Pregnancy and diabetes can be complicated, and everyone's different. Also I already have 3 kids all 7 and under, my mother lives with us...my husband and I minister in other places....etc, Sometimes I do have to take a breather and rest, but some people try to make me feel like im abandoning my post...oh well sometimes I have to use wisdom.....but ppl can be sooo demanding sometimes, then when you pull back a lil they say you are mean, or not committed, or not a true friend....you know what I did about all of that? LOL ....laughed it off and continue to go on. I use to lose sleep over that and worry, God said not so, he has been teaching me how do deal with ppl and relationships. Thank You Lord! I just thought i'd share that in light of your story about being too much involved. |
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Post by keita on Oct 26, 2008 17:56:20 GMT -5
Now this is a step further in the martyr complex.
What is our obsession with this need to be everything to everyone?
General managers of planet earth and all nearby planets?
"Something Within"Our greatest gift as women, our ability to connect with others, can, if not balanced with self-care, become also our worst liability. We are nurturers, but sometimes we overnurture. We reach out when we should sometimes hold back a while longer. We go out of our way to make sure everyone else is happy when we should have let the chips fall where they may and let everyone clean up their own mess. Referring to the internal female voice that keeps a woman enslaved to duty and forever putting herself at risk in order to rescue others, Virginia Woolf, the English novelist, describes the syndrome and prescribes a drastic remedy. She recommends slaying the woman within who perches herself at your ear chattering incessantly about duty, role, obligation, responsibility and sacrifice. Listen to that woman and the folks around you will never change. Listen to that woman and you’ll always be wondering what your life might have been like, if only… “She was intensely sympathetic. She was immensely charming. She was utterly unselfish. She excelled in the difficult arts of family life. She sacrificed herself daily. If there was chicken, she took the leg: if there was a draft she sat in it– in short she was so constituted that she never had a mind or wish of her own, but preferred to sympathize always with the minds and wishes of others…I did my best to kill her. My excuse, if I were to be handed up in a court of law, would be that I acted in self-defense. Had I not killed her, she would have killed me.” |
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 27, 2008 16:59:50 GMT -5
Please help a sistah out !! I fully understand the wars of the sisters..too many it is the need to be needed by EVERYBODY ! an everything that Beulah mentioned. I am sitting wondering why it is that women in the body of Christ fight one another, call the other sister the enemy when the true enemy is satan himself..and no one recognizes that fight isn't even worth the time or energy put into it..mean and mean spirited..yet, professing the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I call the " athletic and the cheerleader mentality " of people want to gather around their leaders and only the shrewest and fittest of attack will win the keep spots..go figure..and I do agree she has to be put to death.
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Post by Beulah5 on Oct 31, 2008 10:07:07 GMT -5
Lol!! just saw this thread had been bumped!! Thanks for what u shared sis uneeqsol my question will not be why do we get into those roles in the first place because we can be genuine in our intentions to help without necessarily having a complex although that is very much the case for a lot of people-they see it as an unconscious way of getting people to like them however more important to me is why can we not draw a line when it becaomes obvious that we need to in other words kill that persona before we are killed by her?
I believe self love and being secure in God has everything to do with it and also the fear of man which equals actually caring what people think about us.
Jesus made a statement which said: unless u can forsake ur mother/father , society etc u cannot be my disciple hmmmm so does that actually mean being able to draw the line with people is part of being a good disciple-absolutely and i am not just talking about spirituality it a[pplies to every area of our lives to be true to God and to be hones with people and humble enough about our limitations and where we are at.
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Post by keita on Oct 31, 2008 20:08:04 GMT -5
Lol!! just saw this thread had been bumped!! Well, hey sis freebee!!! LOLOL!!! You know how I do! I'm prone to come on here, wander around and dig up some of the oldies but goodies that are so plentiful around this house. And you know, just like our girl JB says, "I don't mind waiting", lol! Wonderful to see ya!  Now I believe that's what we call a "word of wisdom" right there. I thought I was gonna have to kill my "her" 'cause "she" had me by the heart. But when I drew that line, the poor thing committed suicide. And can we go a little deeper? I'm talking about "not peace but a sword, do not cast pearls before swine and do not give what's holy to the dogs" (the family version) deep. |
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Post by Beulah5 on Nov 13, 2008 11:38:15 GMT -5
ROFL!! from someone whpo has given her relatives the chop described in leviticus-LITERALLY!
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Post by keita on Nov 25, 2008 3:43:07 GMT -5
Do tell, sis, DO TELL!
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....possibly...always wanting to care for someone, even sometimes knowing there is nothing you can do... 
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