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Post by stillfocused on Oct 23, 2005 10:21:08 GMT -5
I know that at some point in our lives we all need godly advise. We can give and we read it, but, how difficult it is to receive and ask for it. So, my sisters I need some help. There has a been a brother calling me for a few weeks now; and I am picking up that he's interested in me; but, to be honest I am not interested in him. He professes to be a Christian and is in a place where he cannot be in relationship with a woman. And I fully understand that. I have told him that I want to get married; but, looking for a husband at this is not my focus at this time. He has asked me what I thought about him and I told him, then the discussion of wanting to do a Bible Study came up and I point let him that men do not cross my door way. And he asked was I afraid that something could happen sexually, I let him that I did not want my good to be spoken evil of and that I did not want give any man the idea that something could happen. Last Sunday morning was it for me; he called me somewhere between 5:30 am or 6:30 am I don't know what time it was because I was looking at my clock through very tired eyes..just to chat. I had already told him that I was going to rest because I had overtime on Saturday; putting in total of 11.25 for the week..let him not to call to that early and I thought it was an emergency call from relatives from back East. I had invited him to church last night; and had to go to the store for a sister because she needed me to pick up sodas for the fellowship we do after service. Ladies, he wanted to do everything for me; I let him push the cart; yet, when it came time to pay for the sodas I wouldn't let him do that. So, when we got to church one the brothers quickly introduced himself and give him a tour of the building as we have a game set up with pool tables, games, x boxes, and some other stuff. So, then when we finally got seated on the young ladies; who normally wouldn't say anything other than to greet a guest; starting asking him questions..the big one being "where do you know each other from ?". It caught me off guide because she didn't hold back. The thing that really got to me was during praise and worship; he kept looking over at me; during service he wanted to hand me my Bible; and which on a chair next to me. When I dropped him off instead of saying I would like to go with church with again; he I would like for you to invite me to church, again. Am I reading too much into this and if not how do tell this brother politely that he's not my husband ? Yeah, it got that far. Because he told me if he told me anything that he expected to receive it; because I let him know that God wanted him to seek answers from him; rather look to man. I let him know that you don't always receive everything somebody speaks to you. I met him the night of the Nationa Day of Prayer he was working a body for an organization that deals with men who have problems with drugs, abuses, homelessness, and etc. If you really need the name I will sent you a PM if you ask. I am being honest I am just not feeling it. And by the way he has let me know that he's not trying to make me his woman, and that is 3-4 woman in this city who could be his wife..his actions are saying one thing; and his words another..Help a sister out please !!!!!!!!!  |
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 23, 2005 11:05:27 GMT -5
Please respond, I am serious about this. As women we always have something to say. I know this may not be of any interest to anyone else. Yet, my sisters..married..engaged..or courting..we need to hear from you. At this point I know I do; because I have not been in a serious relationship for sometime and I seriously need some pointers on how to respond the madness of men approaching me and beening told "you're my wife" in what I call a "prophalie".
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Post by J13578 on Oct 23, 2005 13:47:09 GMT -5
The only thing I could say, now, is: reclaim your territory, physically, mentally and spiritually. - Physically, reclaim your space and draw the lines where you don't want intruders, in your home, your schedule, activities, etc... - Mentally, if all that makes you feel "crowded in your head", same thing. Try not to let those things upset you, reclaim your thoughts and peace of mind - Spiritually, most of all, if you feel distracted and confused by his behaviour and, if I understand what you are saying, this "invasion" of your life as a whole is not welcome, ask God's guidance. Don't just react to any situation, know what you want and don't want, act and speak accordingly, as a beloved woman of God that you are. I don't know how well you know this person, but the fact that you have not been in a relationship for a while does not change the fact that you are entitled to expect respect in all things, and your privacy is one of them. Don't give in the reverse psychology being played on you (re other women, etc...) Finally, as they say, "no" is a full sentence. Hold on to what you know, and until you are clear on all fronts, stick to your (spiritual) guns  Love ya |
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Post by stillfocused1 on Oct 23, 2005 18:11:12 GMT -5
Thanks for responding, Lilah. I appreciate your answer you actually touched on alot of what I have been feeling yet, have not been able to express.
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Post by livinganewlife on Oct 23, 2005 20:43:30 GMT -5
Hi Still, I usually don't get on the BB on Sunday nights but tonight I felt lead to check in to see what was going on........
Lilah gave you great advice and as I was thinking on how to respond to you the phrase "Game Playing" kept popping into my mind.
Please I am not saying that you are "playing games" but as Lilah posted you need to reclaim your space and don't make any moves that will give this brother the idea that you are interested.
That is the "game playing" which I am speaking of, if you know that this man wants a wife and is considering you as a wife, but you know in your heart that he is not the one, than do not lead him on......
To many times women "try" to be nice to men only to end up playing with their hearts and emotions, and sometimes out of that niceness unnecessary relationships begin.
Stay prayerful, you are on the right course.....
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 24, 2005 0:51:10 GMT -5
LANL..thank you so much !!
I know this brother is not my husband and I haven't given him any indications that I think otherwise. I have been very upfront with him and let him know that I am not looking for a husband at this time. Before I put him out last night; he let me know that "He wanted to invite him to church, again"..ladies, I was honest and let him know that he could take the bus downtown and I would get him a ride home. But, I just don't know what else to say. To be very honest I really annoyed; the flattery "ain't cuttin it ". I gave him scriptures to read and the stupid comment of "yeah, I do Bible with you"; and I am thinking no you can't. During praise and worship last night he was looking at me; more than he was doing anything else. I am really feeling the pressure that he maybe reading more into this than there is. And Lilah hit it on the head..it's like my space is being invaded and I am not feeling it.
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Post by jasmine nsi on Oct 24, 2005 1:31:48 GMT -5
I agree with what the lilah have said, and would also like to add this as well. If he wants to come to church, ask one of the brothers if they would be willing to pick him up and take him home. There is a possible way of separating yourself from any misunderstandings.
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 24, 2005 1:50:14 GMT -5
Thank you so much for your advice. It has encouraged me and let know me that I am not crazy. I have really been pushed to the brink of my limit with this situation. And not strange that everyone is mentioning "game playing'. I thought about the same thing. And I don't play games; I just don't want this brother to think there could be anything between us. I found it crazy last week when he called me; and I returned his call he wasn't there. Yet, when he called me back he and a buddy wanted someone to take to this school where someone was speaking..ya'll know the price of gas ain't low and it was Saturday night and the church I attend has service on Saturday night and Sunday mornings, and midweek. I let him that if I went to church anywhere that it would be to the church I am attending. Ladies, it's just off the wall stuff. He wanted to see the movie the gospel..but, he didn't have any money !! I let him know that I had already plans to see the movie...ALONE. It's like he's trying to make something happen; yet, I guess what is really getting aggravated is the fact that he's using worldly tactics to get something going that I have let him is not the will of God for my life.
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Post by Nikkol on Oct 24, 2005 8:39:32 GMT -5
I'm "old school" when it comes to some of these issues. I've always been one to believe that a man should get a ride with a man and a woman with a woman. If there are some other brothers in the church, maybe they can pick him up for church and take him home. This is also true regarding personal bible studies, unless of course it's a group of people all coming together.
He may still try to pursue you. But the important thing is keeping your ground and don't let what he does distract you. Yes, he may look at you while P&W is going on, but you don't want to have that become a distraction to the point that you begin looking at him to see if he's looking at you. Continue to pray that God will strengthen you in that regard and if all else fails, take it to the leadership and they should be able to take him aside and explain that he can no longer do what he's doing. If his motive is truly about God, he should be able to understand that and continue to seek God. If his motive isn't of God, you'll be able to see that he was there as a "set-up" to distract you from your purpose.
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Post by stillfocused1 on Oct 24, 2005 19:25:39 GMT -5
sThanks..Nikkol !! I didn't let him distract me; yet, it was noticed by someone else that he was distracted. "Old school" ain't always bad; for me what you have said is what I believe in as well. During the altar call our Pastor asked for people who brought guests to come pray with them; I did not move; thank God one the brothers who was near prayed for him. I have already talked to one of the brothers regarding bible study for him; I let him know this Saturday night as we starting G12 and he suggested because where he stays at that he be placed with a married couple. During a conversation he wanted me to visit him and do Bible study with him and another guy he does Bible study..and I quickly let him that I could not do that . I will have to call him; because my Pastor wanted to know what he received from the message as he was not able to meet him and talk to him personally. Thanks, Ladies !!
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 27, 2005 1:04:22 GMT -5
Once, again thanks Ladies !!! Tonight I asked some of the guys to find him a ride back to where he stays. One of the young brothers is going to make he connects with him and he will make sure he gets a ride home this Sat night..and he will be calling him as well. I have talked to him since Saturday and he kept enforcing that he wanted to gochurch on Saturday and I let him if he got there; someone would take him back to where he stays.
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Post by Beulah5 on Oct 28, 2005 3:38:43 GMT -5
Praise God sister i glad to hear what God is doing in your life and how much wisdom you have applied to the situation.
I also want to ask a question coming from another angle-why did his advances seem to rattle you? If i am wrong please excuse me.
Thanks
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 28, 2005 22:06:45 GMT -5
Beulah..I asked myself the same question...and realized that because I have made it known where I stand that he keeps pressing the issuessssssssssss. Yet, there are many things that bother me...but, it really feels like he's trying to get me to change my mind about something.
And it really irriates me when he uses the Word of God to get me to accept what he is saying as "bond" and I should just accept it as so. He came up with this "equally yoked" scenerio that left me shaking my head..and then it was "how do you know you're know you're not missing your blessing...because you won't open up !!" And here's the one that just gets my goat " we're part of the same era " ...he has no vision for his life. Yet, he has already told me how he wanted to buy his wife a house and take care of her and she won't have to do anything. Ladies, you all know when God places purposes within you; sitting home and being comfortable just won't do. And lastly I need a man who can hear from God and will know for himself that he's hearing from God and not waiting for a bunch of confirmations to know he heard from God. We had that conversation of "if I tell you something I expect you to receive it". Ladies, that's very dangerous and as nice I have tried to be I can't tolerate the foolish advances of a man even he's saved cannot see pass his salvation to see that Jesus Christ must be Lord over all. And it really irriates me when he uses the Word of God to get me to accept what he is saying as "bond" and I should just accept it as so. He came up with this "equally yoked" scenerio that left me shaking my head..and then it was "how do you know you're know you're not missing your blessing...because you won't open up !!" And here's the one that just gets my goat " we're part of the same era " ...he has no vision for his life. Yet, he has already told me how he wanted to buy his wife a house and take care of her and she won't have to do anything. Ladies, you all know when God places purposes within you; sitting home and being comfortable just won't do. And lastly I need a man who can hear from God and will know for himself that he's hearing from God and not waiting for a bunch of confirmations to know he heard from God. We had that conversation of "if I tell you something I expect you to receive it". Ladies, that's very dangerous and as nice I have tried to be I can't tolerate the foolish advances of a man even he's saved cannot see pass his salvation to see that Jesus Christ must be Lord over. There are many things that bother me...but, it really feels like he's trying to get me to change my mind about something.
And it really irriates me when he uses the Word of God to get me to accept what he is saying as "bond" and I should just accept it as so. He came up with this "equally yoked" scenerio that left me shaking my head..and then it was "how do you know you're know you're not missing your blessing...because you won't open up !!" And here's the one that just gets my goat " we're part of the same era " ...he has no vision for his life. Yet, he has already told me how he wanted to buy his wife a house and take care of her and she won't have to do anything. And lastly I need a man who can hear from God and will know for himself that he's hearing from God and not waiting for a bunch of confirmations to know he heard from God. We had that conversation of "if I tell you something I expect you to receive it". Ladies, that's very dangerous and as nice I have tried to be I can't tolerate the foolish advances of a man even he's saved cannot see pass his salvation to see that Jesus Christ must be Lord. Yet, there are many things that bother me...but, it really feels like he's trying to get me to change my mind about something.
And it really irriates me when he uses the Word of God to get me to accept what he is saying as "bond" and I should just accept it as so. He came up with this "equally yoked" scenerio that left me shaking my head..and then it was "how do you know you're know you're not missing your blessing...because you won't open up !!" And here's the one that just gets my goat " we're part of the same era " ...he has no vision for his life. Yet, he has already told me how he wanted to buy his wife a house and take care of her and she won't have to do anything. Ladies, you all know when God places purposes within you; sitting home and being comfortable just won't do. And lastly I need a man who can hear from God and will know for himself that he's hearing from God and not waiting for a bunch of confirmations to know he heard from God. We had that conversation of "if I tell you something I expect you to receive it". Ladies, that's very dangerous and as nice I have tried to be I can't tolerate the foolish advances of a man even he's saved cannot see pass his salvation to see that Jesus Christ must be Lord overBeulah..I asked myself the same question...and realized that because I have made it known where I stand that he keeps pressing the issuessssssssssss. Yet, there are many things that bother me...but, it really feels like he's trying to get me to change my mind about something.
And it really irriates me when he uses the Word of God to get me to accept what he is saying as "bond" and I should just accept it as so. He came up with this "equally yoked" scenerio that left me shaking my head..and then it was "how do you know you're know you're not missing your blessing...because you won't open up !!" And here's the one that just gets my goat " we're part of the same era " ...he has no vision for his life. Yet, he has already told me how he wanted to buy his wife a house and take care of her and she won't have to do anything. Ladies, you all know when God places purposes within you; sitting home and being comfortable just won't do. And lastly I need a man who can hear from God and will know for himself that he's hearing from God and not waiting for a bunch of confirmations to know he heard from God. We had that conversation of "if I tell you something I expect you to receive it". Ladies, that's very dangerous and as nice I have tried to be I can't tolerate the foolish advances of a man even though he's saved cannot see pass salvation to see that Jesus Christ must be Lord over aspect one's life. And lastly, my spirit wasn't feeling all the madness either.
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Post by stillfocused on Mar 18, 2006 16:49:57 GMT -5
Just an update. I had not heard from this man for over a month. I called him earlier this week to let him that our church had relocated; as he was in a position to make situations to the director of places where they could attend church..he's in Teen Challenge. He was supposed to call me back; he never did. Well, I called yesterday and he was unavailable; because he was no longer approaching a position as staff; yet, because he was back at student status..with no priviledges and having all he had gained taken from him. It kind of blow me away because when I talked to him earlier this week he was talking very strong.
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