Post by Melani23 on Aug 19, 2005 14:16:14 GMT -5
Dueling Careers
Q. We are both career minded. Before we even got married, we decided to respect one another's professional pursuits and support each other as a team. We are now realizing that our career pursuits can sometimes clash. So how do we figure out whose career should take priority?
Keri T.
Omaha, Nebraska
A. In the age of the dual-income couple, it seems that one person's career will eventually call the couple to determine whose work takes priority. Granted, for many traditional couples that question is already settled. A couple, for example, with traditional gender-role values will see the husband as primary provider and decision-maker. But if you are asking the question of career priority, you are like the growing number of couples who are pursuing individual careers and struggling to find an answer to this quandary.
Of the 22 million people who packed up and moved for work last year, only 2 million were husbands going along with their wives. While that's double the number from 1980, it's a sluggish progression considering the large number of women who have reached middle- and upper-management positions ripe for relocation assignments. Still, the dilemma of whose career should take priority is popular enough now to have a name. "The Trailing Spouse Crisis" hit the front page of the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times not long ago. One husband interviewed in these articles complained that after three moves to follow his wife, "I have never been able to remain in one position long enough to find out how successful I might have been in my own career."
The issue comes down to what you, as a couple, value most. Once you determine what matters most to both of you, your decisions on how to allocate time and priorities fall more easily into place. So permit us to ask: Would your decision to relocate for work simply be a matter of maximizing your financial well-being? A study by the Mobil Corporation found that a man generally will follow his wife only if she earns at least 40 percent more than he does. Is that true of you? What about prestige and power? Is your professional priority to climb the ladder? If so, does that mean that if your husband is moving up faster than you, then his job takes precedence over yours?
Typically the priority gap can't be explained and settled by salary and stature alone. There is much more that goes into determining the actual balance of power in your relationship. In fact, you might find that one person's career takes precedence over the other's for a period of time and then, years into the marriage, the order of priority is exchanged.
Determining whose career should take priority is a matter of each couple's personal journey. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild, author of The Second Shift, found that many people ideologically support the idea of egalitarian roles, yet in valuing each other's careers, the principle gets lost. What people say they believe about marital roles often contradicts what they seem to do about them.
So, to prioritize your respective careers you will need to do some soul searching. Be honest with each other and communicate your real feelings. Once you begin the process of discussing your desires for your different careers you will eventually come closer to balancing the power and respecting one another's goals. Remember, however, that it is a process for most couples. A quick solution on this issue is rare.
www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2001/002/14.66.html
Q. We are both career minded. Before we even got married, we decided to respect one another's professional pursuits and support each other as a team. We are now realizing that our career pursuits can sometimes clash. So how do we figure out whose career should take priority?
Keri T.
Omaha, Nebraska
A. In the age of the dual-income couple, it seems that one person's career will eventually call the couple to determine whose work takes priority. Granted, for many traditional couples that question is already settled. A couple, for example, with traditional gender-role values will see the husband as primary provider and decision-maker. But if you are asking the question of career priority, you are like the growing number of couples who are pursuing individual careers and struggling to find an answer to this quandary.
Of the 22 million people who packed up and moved for work last year, only 2 million were husbands going along with their wives. While that's double the number from 1980, it's a sluggish progression considering the large number of women who have reached middle- and upper-management positions ripe for relocation assignments. Still, the dilemma of whose career should take priority is popular enough now to have a name. "The Trailing Spouse Crisis" hit the front page of the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times not long ago. One husband interviewed in these articles complained that after three moves to follow his wife, "I have never been able to remain in one position long enough to find out how successful I might have been in my own career."
The issue comes down to what you, as a couple, value most. Once you determine what matters most to both of you, your decisions on how to allocate time and priorities fall more easily into place. So permit us to ask: Would your decision to relocate for work simply be a matter of maximizing your financial well-being? A study by the Mobil Corporation found that a man generally will follow his wife only if she earns at least 40 percent more than he does. Is that true of you? What about prestige and power? Is your professional priority to climb the ladder? If so, does that mean that if your husband is moving up faster than you, then his job takes precedence over yours?
Typically the priority gap can't be explained and settled by salary and stature alone. There is much more that goes into determining the actual balance of power in your relationship. In fact, you might find that one person's career takes precedence over the other's for a period of time and then, years into the marriage, the order of priority is exchanged.
Determining whose career should take priority is a matter of each couple's personal journey. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild, author of The Second Shift, found that many people ideologically support the idea of egalitarian roles, yet in valuing each other's careers, the principle gets lost. What people say they believe about marital roles often contradicts what they seem to do about them.
So, to prioritize your respective careers you will need to do some soul searching. Be honest with each other and communicate your real feelings. Once you begin the process of discussing your desires for your different careers you will eventually come closer to balancing the power and respecting one another's goals. Remember, however, that it is a process for most couples. A quick solution on this issue is rare.
www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2001/002/14.66.html
, I think that you got one point across. After all, it makes sense that if Singles ever feel that they have a question for Married people, they could come in and simply ask... 
