New Pastor

[nina]

The new Pastor

An older preacher told the story of a young minister interviewing for his first pastorate. The Pulpit Committee had invited him to come over to their church for the interview.
The committee chairman asked, "Son, do you know the Bible pretty good?"

The young minister said, "Yes, pretty good."

The chairman asked, "Which part do you know best?"

He responded saying, "I know the New Testament best."

"Which part of the New Testament do you know best," asked the chairman.

The young minister said, "Several parts."

The chairman said, "Well, why don't you tell us the story of the Prodigal Son."

The young man said, "Fine."

"There was a man of the Pharisees name Nicodemus, who went down to Jericho by night and he fell upon stony ground and the thorns choked him half to death.

"The next morning Solomon and his wife, Gomorrah, came by, and carried him down to the ark for Moses to take care of.
But, as he was going through the Eastern Gate into the Ark, he caught his hair in a limb and he hung there forty days and forty nights and he afterwards did hunger.
And, the ravens came and fed him.

"The next day, the three wise men came and carried him down to the boat dock and he caught a ship to Ninevah.
And when he got there he found Delilah sitting on the wall.
He said, "Chunk her down, boys, chunk her down."
And, they said, "How many times shall we chunk her down, till seven time seven?"
And he said, "Nay, but seventy times seven."
And they chucked her down four hundred and ninety times.

"And, she burst asunder in their midst. And they picked up twelve baskets of the leftovers.
And, in the resurrection whose wife shall she be?"

The Committee chairman suddenly interrupted the young minister and said to the remainder of the committee,
"Fellows, I think we ought to ask the church to call him as our minister.

He is awfully young, but he sure does know his Bible."

[Nikkol]

LOL... That was a good one.

[kanyon]

After you folks are finished with him, we could use him up north here.

[stillfocused]

Ya'll laughing..things like that really happen !!

[keita]

nina said:

"There was a man of the Pharisees name Nicodemus, who went down to Jericho by night and he fell upon stony ground and the thorns choked him half to death.

"The next morning Solomon and his wife, Gomorrah, came by, and carried him down to the ark for Moses to take care of.
But, as he was going through the Eastern Gate into the Ark, he caught his hair in a limb and he hung there forty days and forty nights and he afterwards did hunger.
And, the ravens came and fed him.

"The next day, the three wise men came and carried him down to the boat dock and he caught a ship to Ninevah.
And when he got there he found Delilah sitting on the wall.
He said, "Chunk her down, boys, chunk her down."
And, they said, "How many times shall we chunk her down, till seven time seven?"
And he said, "Nay, but seventy times seven."
And they chucked her down four hundred and ninety times.

"And, she burst asunder in their midst. And they picked up twelve baskets of the leftovers.
And, in the resurrection whose wife shall she be?"...

Now just speak with a booming voice and an authoritative tone, throw in some strategically placed "whooping" and it'll really go over big!

[krazeeboi]

..and then call for a "seed offering" afterwards.

[keita]

"HALLAYLOOOYER!!!"

Now, you might occasionally find that someone (especially some of those red dress-wearing, just won't be silent "Jezebel" women to whom you keep so kindly extending your "king's scepter") will dare to question or challenge the scriptural accuracy of your teaching and preaching. Should that happen, simply run off a riff of your well-rehearsed "unknown tongues", call your mess things like "revelation" or "the deep things of God", and spend the next few minutes (or "services", if these "rebellious ones" keep showing up) publicly despising and humiliating those "stuck-up bible scholars among us who might know the book but just don't know my Jesus", while the "band" strikes up a rousing shout and dance tune. After all, as it says over in Hezekiah 10,

"My people flourish from lack of knowledge."




WOW! Just as I finished typing that, I turned on my tv just in time to hear a "prophetic declaration", from this year's "mega-fest", which was based upon "the cloud that descended when Jesus was baptised in Matthew 17."

And after saying it, the speaker had the nerve to add, "Ain't nobody talking back to me right there."

Help us, Lord.

[livinganewlife]

This reminds me of a Bishop I heard speak one time at a funeral(I mean a Well Known Bishop) and he said in a well tuned voice with organ chords added:

The Lord calls us home;he called home Moses, he called Isaiah home, yeaaahh he called home Hezekiah, the Lord called home Ezekiel and the Lord called home Deuteronomy yeah he had to die too......

Yall I feel to the floor laughing and the folks around me were shouting and were trying to figure out why I was laughing so hard.......

[nina]

ROFL

based upon "the cloud that descended when Jesus was baptised in Matthew 17."

And then...

And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.

Who [are] these [that] fly as a cloud, and as the doves to their windows?

And he said also to the people, When ye see a cloud rise out of the west, straightway ye say, There cometh a shower; and so it is.

and the earth was reaped.

They reap [every one] his corn in the field:

For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over [and] gone;

And when the sun is down, he shall be clean, and shall afterward eat ; because it [is] his food.

And this [shall be] a sign unto thee.

And they said unto him, Nay, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come.

[keita]

livinganewlife said:

This reminds me of a Bishop I heard speak one time at a funeral(I mean a Well Known Bishop) and he said in a well tuned voice with organ chords added:

The Lord calls us home;he called home Moses, he called Isaiah home, yeaaahh he called home Hezekiah, the Lord called home Ezekiel and the Lord called home Deuteronomy yeah he had to die too......

Yall I feel to the floor laughing and the folks around me were shouting and were trying to figure out why I was laughing so hard.......

Isn't it crazy? So many of us aren't really or any longer even paying attention to what's being said, and many more, who actually are, don't even know when somebody has gone "off the book". I have learned to try to simply close my eyes and fold up my lips just to try to keep my eye rolls and teeth sucking under control.

I don't always succeed but my "checkers" tell me I'm at least getting better.

keita said:

...I turned on my tv just in time to hear a "prophetic declaration", from this year's "mega-fest", which was based upon "the cloud that descended when Jesus was baptised in Matthew 17."

nina said:

And then...

And Moses went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount.

Who [are] these [that] fly as a cloud, and as the doves to their windows?

And he said also to the people, When ye see a cloud rise out of the west, straightway ye say, There cometh a shower; and so it is.

and the earth was reaped.

They reap [every one] his corn in the field:

For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over [and] gone;

And when the sun is down, he shall be clean, and shall afterward eat ; because it [is] his food.

And this [shall be] a sign unto thee.

And they said unto him, Nay, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come.

God Bless You, sis Nina!

(Matthew 3:16-17)
16 And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: 17 And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased...

(Matthew 17:1-5)
1 And after six days Jesus taketh Peter, James, and John his brother, and bringeth them up into an high mountain apart, 2 And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light. 3 And, behold, there appeared unto them Moses and Elias talking with him. 4 Then answered Peter, and said unto Jesus, Lord, it is good for us to be here: if thou wilt, let us make here three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias. 5 While he yet spake, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them: and behold a voice out of the cloud, which said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear ye him...



First, let me be very clear. I absolutely believe with all my heart and mind that we have entered and are indeed walking and living in the time of "The Cloud". So I both believe and receive the prophecy that was spoken, even as I also greatly appreciate and celebrate the gift of this prophet to the Body of Christ. But, once again, I do so wish this "mouthpiece" would just learn to "stay in your lane" because so much can be, and quite often is, lost in the confusion of a well-intended, but nevertheless mistaken scriptural interpretation and teaching of God's written and/or proceeding Word to His people.

In this case, there's a whole lot of very important difference of timing and purpose between "the dove" and "the cloud"; between "Jesus' baptism" and "His transfiguration", that is essential to understanding where we presently are, and are headed, prophetically speaking. And when it comes to prophecy, purpose and timing are vital.

So in this example, as well as with this entire thread, and with all jokes aside, more than anything, I am most strongly and seriously reminded of what James said:

"My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. (James 3:1)

[nina]

Keita... About this:

' the time of "The Cloud" '

Could you please share more? Thank you...

(definitely off of the joke and all ears now

[keita]

If you don't mind, sis, I'm gonna hold up on any going on record public speaking about, and starting what would surely need to be a new thread on "The Cloud" until after the coming ("first the natural...") FEAST OF TABERNACLES...

It's ALL GOOD and perhaps, by then, I won't need to say anything at all!

Who knows what God will do, especially during these fall feasts?
I'm absolutely shaking with anticipation!

(But I'm always open to "one to one" communication. )

Besides, right now I can't really concentrate, what with all that marvelous sound from the blowing of the shofar! LOL!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

Shabbat Shalom!!!

(And, though I know you already have, please forgive me for "jacking" your thread. For this "keita", Bible illiteracy and ignorance is a war cry. On a "related" note, check this out to hear a Muslim speak on the matter.)

[nina]

I read the article, and I have to say it really hits where it hurts... It's always the same old(est) trick of the enemy "Did God really say....?)

I do like the progression of the Feasts, and also the anticipation So, no thread "jacking" feeling here

Sukkos is so full of meaning(s)... And is a lot about "clouds" also.

"From this, we see that we are celebrating not just the gift of the protective clouds, but the return of the clouds after the nation of Israel had sinned.

Indeed, one could understand that this would be a joyous time: a miraculous form of protection which had been revoked was now returned.

Furthermore, one could understand why we are celebrating the holiday of Sukkos at the time we do: after we have just experienced Yom Kippur, and we have been forgiven for our sins, we celebrate the gift of the protective clouds which were returned to Israel after they sinned.

The events concerning the clouds happened at this time of the year, and therefore we celebrate Sukkos at this time of the year. Hence, there is a joy connected with the clouds, and the holiday is aptly named the time of our happiness.

However, this leaves us with another question: If the clouds were taken away from the nation of Israel because they sinned, why then did the clouds not reappear when they were forgiven, on Yom Kippur? Why did the clouds return only five days later?

When the time came to actually construct the Tabernacle, one thing was clear: the nation of Israel had truly repented, and had made a great effort to come close to God. It was at this point that the final forgiveness came. God returned the protective clouds to the nation, and they began the construction of the Tabernacle.

The joy that the nation of Israel experienced at this time was overwhelming. They knew that their repentance had been completely accepted.
They were presented with an opportunity to serve God, to build the Tabernacle. They had the protective clouds back. They knew that they had again found favor in the eyes of God.
..........
When we celebrate Sukkos, we are not merely commemorating the joy experienced by our forefathers upon the return of the protective clouds. We are in a time of joy ourselves!

We should all take this opportunity to rejoice, to serve God with great happiness and merriment. Sukkos should truly be the time of happiness for each and every one of us."

Then, there is "The" Cloud. I believe it is so meaningful that, when the cloud first came down in the Tabernacle, Moses could not enter until God himself called him from inside the Tabernacle.... The wonders of God's plan and of what Jesus fulfilled.

Anyway, I don't think that God minds us having our head in the clouds, obviously he wants us to, and even more in The Cloud

[keita]

;D ;D ;D ;D

STIR UP THE GIFTS!!!


Father God, You are sooooo AWESOME in ALL your ways!