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Post by Jasmine on Jul 14, 2008 12:21:21 GMT -5
giants, I thought a bingo was in order. Nah I thought "Classic" was perfect... Bingo is usually reserved for when someone makes a point or observation that is dead on... I think this email was dead on, to the post started by True regarding this very situation, and to the comments made by members of this board. |
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Post by vindicated on Jul 14, 2008 15:20:47 GMT -5
I am a living witness that getting busy working for the Lord or in ministry is not the only thing needed. I am one who my whole life has been active in more than one area of ministry in church. And I wasn't just busy, I was sincere about what I was doing. I was/am anointed to do what I've done. But when there is a brokenness inside of you that needs to be put back together, all the church work, ministry work in the world won't heal you.
I do agree that sometimes it helps to have something else to think about. Many people, once they begin to think about someone other than themselves find their mates right in front of them and they had no idea. That's different.
So to say it better, without sounding like others are wrong...I'll say, that I'm one of the ones who is proof that "being about your Father's business" is not always enough. Many broken people are up ministering, serving the pastor and first lady, leading worship, full of pain, and sadness. Those are the ones who keep repeating this cycle over and over, and all the while wondering what's wrong.
I was one who was told, "Just forget about it!" "You need to just get busy working for the Lord!" "You just need to fall in love with Jesus". But even though I did all that, I still had something wrong. And it took 9 years of walking through one broken heart after another to get to the bottom of it. People don't like to hear me talk about healing a lot of times because like I was, people don't like to admit that the problem could possibly be in them and not the other person. But who else can it be in when you're the one who keeps getting in the same situations over and over? I was the same way. But after a while I decided that I wanted to know that the problem was even if it was me. And it was me. And all my working in ministry didn't fix it or help it.
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 14, 2008 16:30:19 GMT -5
Vindicated..and you're correct about that. Thanks for sharing your heart...for me personally I just go tired and said if there is something right not with me..I need to know what is that and that may mean sitting at the feet of the Father and allowing HIm to search my heart and allowing Him to mend the broken pieces of your heart and life. It's funny how many will say that those who are should be the first ones to get to church and the last ones to leave...one must use wisdom...
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Post by Jasmine on Jul 14, 2008 22:43:30 GMT -5
I feel you ladies, there are alot of people working in the ministry, hurting, broken, bruised, nearly comitting spiritual suicide, however I think we we all get to that aspect that...its not about working in ministry....Its about being made wholly whole, and allowing the master to do it.
There are alot of reasons why women don't have husbands, and men don't have wives. Its to the individual to make sure that before GOD sends anybody in their life, that they will be a help, not a hinder, that all excess baggage has been removed, and thrown out.
EDITED, realized I didn't finish the thought.
The devil whipping typhoons through marriages today, and one needs to make sure that they are entering into marriage for the correct reasons. If you aren't happy in yourself, or with yourself, a man is not going to make you happy. He can't do that for you. If one does enter into a marriage, with this issue, nothing the man does will ever satisfy, he'll never be good enough, because the issue lies within that individual.
A man is not a woman's source of everything, and women cannot look to their husbands for everything. I learned this for myself. God is my everything, not my husband. I love him dearly..but God is my source of everything.
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 15, 2008 11:12:11 GMT -5
Jasmine..thanks !! At this time I am enjoying my period of rest..I got physically and spiritually drained..because I was doing too much all the time. I was prayed for and I didn't like what I heard and made the choice to pull away and let my leadership know. As Jasmine stated we much allow God to heal us..and during this season that's wha I have been asking the Lord to heal me of physical, emotional, and spiritual area that's out of order. And Jasmine sadly you're correct the devil is ripping through alot of marriages...and even sadier many are the marriages of our leaders.
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Post by vindicated on Jul 15, 2008 13:19:55 GMT -5
Are we ever truly baggage free? I ask this honestly because you see a lot of it and hear a lot of it in the single's circle/market. You see people on their profiles with "baggage/drama free". I can understand to an extent the drama free because a drama queen is just an immature individual. They blow everything out of proportion, make everything about them and basically handle everything like a spoiled child. They're "over the top" emotionally.
But to me, baggage is nothing more than what you were left with after you went through what you went through. We have all gone through things that CHANGED US. That baggage. You go through something in a relationship that changed the way you behave with the opposite sex. It can change what you thought you wanted in a mate. If someone has a sensitive area, there's a reason for it, and a lot of the time it has something to do with their past, upbringing or a past relationship. But it will always be something negative.
Now I understand the concept of not punishing the next person for what the last person did. But that's not really and issue of baggage. That's an issue of unresolved issues and healing.
If you have a baby daddy or baby mama, you have baggage. Because especially until those children are grown or as long as you have to deal with the person that's a bag, a load, a relationship good or bad that you have to deal with and anyone who comes into your life has to deal with on some level.
Maybe it's just a matter of terminology. But though I've met people with many unresolved issues and things they need to forgive and be healed of. I've never met anybody without baggage.
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 15, 2008 14:13:39 GMT -5
vind...that's that truth !! There are unresolved things in all of our lives..yet, for me I beginning to no longer look at them as issues or struggles..yet, challenges that I face daily that I need to face and take care. Struggling is just that..staying in a place of bondage because you are not willing to face yourself and deal with what is before you.
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Post by vindicated on Jul 15, 2008 15:14:13 GMT -5
"The devil whipping typhoons through marriages today, and one needs to make sure that they are entering into marriage for the correct reasons. If you aren't happy in yourself, or with yourself, a man is not going to make you happy. He can't do that for you. If one does enter into a marriage, with this issue, nothing the man does will ever satisfy, he'll never be good enough, because the issue lies within that individual."
This is true. And it is one of the things the Lord was saying to me as He was healing me. He said to me, Don't look for a man with Godly abilities. Look for a man with Godly qualities. Because only God can be God. And that when we look for humans to do what only God can do we really don't stand a chance in that relationship because it's an unrealistic expectation.
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 15, 2008 17:49:29 GMT -5
Now that's a message..
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Post by Jasmine on Jul 15, 2008 20:48:11 GMT -5
Are we ever truly baggage free? I ask this honestly because you see a lot of it and hear a lot of it in the single's circle/market. You see people on their profiles with "baggage/drama free". I can understand to an extent the drama free because a drama queen is just an immature individual. They blow everything out of proportion, make everything about them and basically handle everything like a spoiled child. They're "over the top" emotionally. But to me, baggage is nothing more than what you were left with after you went through what you went through. We have all gone through things that CHANGED US. That baggage. You go through something in a relationship that changed the way you behave with the opposite sex. It can change what you thought you wanted in a mate. If someone has a sensitive area, there's a reason for it, and a lot of the time it has something to do with their past, upbringing or a past relationship. But it will always be something negative. Now I understand the concept of not punishing the next person for what the last person did. But that's not really and issue of baggage. That's an issue of unresolved issues and healing. If you have a baby daddy or baby mama, you have baggage. Because especially until those children are grown or as long as you have to deal with the person that's a bag, a load, a relationship good or bad that you have to deal with and anyone who comes into your life has to deal with on some level. Maybe it's just a matter of terminology. But though I've met people with many unresolved issues and things they need to forgive and be healed of. I've never met anybody without baggage. I believe it is just a matter of terminology, and I certainly am not trying to make it deeper than it it is. Unresolved issues, and healing, is considered excessive baggage. The individual is carrying around things that God never intended for them to carry around. Airports are only allowing 2 bags on the airplane, anything else is considered excessive, and you will be charged. Same with us...any burden, issue, care, etc, we have is supposed to be given over to God. We are not to carry them, handle them, or fight them, that is for the Lord. So if we have unresolved issues within us...its excess, because thats not how the Lord intended it. I perse wouldn't consider a baby daddy, or mama, baggage. That's life, you make a mistake, you deal with the consequences of bad choices...the only thing required of these two individuals now is be civil for the sake of the child, and raise them up to make better choices. |
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Post by vindicated on Jul 15, 2008 22:48:58 GMT -5
I used the example of ex's and baby parents because many of them aren't civil. They just ignant and so in that case it's a lot different than those who care more about the children.
But yeah, I'm thinking it is a matter of terminology. (baggage)
I have told a few people about this particular story since I read it a few years ago. I hope to see it done in a play at church, to just put it out there so people can actually see themselves. I think it would be a wonderful ministry tool from the singles's ministry. It wouldn't be very long because we could do it just like it's written with a narrator. Would make a powerful skit. If our single's ministry ever gets off the ground again I'll present it to them.
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Post by leadinglady on Jul 16, 2008 19:35:48 GMT -5
Let's be fair and honest here: how many of those brothers have bought their player images into the church and have taken advantage of SOME of these vulnerable women, by pretending to show interest by their constant eye contact, overly friendly ways, and subtle flirting, etc... For some of these men, it's all about EGO and CONQUEST, even if they NEVER approached the woman. Back in the day, pastors spoke out about this behavior from brothers, and sisters were forewarned.
I'm willing to believe that SOME of these women were minding their own business, attending to the work of the Lord, but allowed themselves to become distracted by this type of man. I'm not writing about brothers who are on the prowl and are looking to fall into fornication, but I'm commenting on those men who like to play what they think is harmless, mental games with women.
This has happened to me on several occasions, with some well known single, eligible brothers, and also with some pew- warming brothers. This has happened to several sisters that I know. One incident occurred over several weeks. I Knew that brotherman wasn't God's choice for me, even though he never approached me.
The brother tried to constantly distract me by his intensed staring, going out of his way to show attention in subtle ways, and by his soulical psychic prayers (I know, I know, this is another topic). Once I discerned what I was dealing with, I took this to God in prayer. His ego couldn't handle the fact that I was determined not to be distracted by him, and after a while, I just ignored him. I knew that God must have dealt with him when lo and behold, one day he angrily came up behind me and hit me on the head, and pretended that it was an accident. LOL. Thank God for deliverance...
This is not to take away from the women who become deceived in this manner, but as women, we must not allow ourselves to fall for the game that some of these brothers play.
I remember a sermon that pastor Jackie Mccullough preached regarding this topic.
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Post by leadinglady on Jul 16, 2008 19:43:00 GMT -5
I hope that my digressing LOL havn't taken from the subject at hand...For every man that behaves the way in which I described in my above post, there are countless more women who have been guilty of Naming and Claiming husbands, only to cause the poor man to run to the hills, feeling bewildered, and themselves left hurt and bruised.
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 17, 2008 12:50:07 GMT -5
LeadingLady..just recently I had to call a brother was acting the way you described in your post in check...and I have not heard from him since !! He was using subtle comments like...
"you can talk to me about anything" and I am coming down to Buster(the city I live in) and I want to see you..and when I asked him about it and he came with this we're friends.
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Post by anointedteacher on Jul 17, 2008 13:39:12 GMT -5
LeadingLady..just recently I had to call a brother was acting the way you described in your post in check...and I have not heard from him since !! He was using subtle comments like... "you can talk to me about anything" and I am coming down to Buster(the city I live in) and I want to see you..and when I asked him about it and he came with this we're friends. Friend is defined as a relationship without commitment... He can do all the dating and boy friend/girl friend things, than walk away into another relationship... when you question it... He will say "WE WERE JUST FRIENDS"   |
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