Ok, here is my understanding of the thread as it has been started, and that would be: how far should/can a woman go in order to "find a husband".
What I was trying to point out was that Ruth was following and trusting the advice of Naomi. She did not go to the first in line for the redemption of the piece of land (which included, if accepted, also taking her as his wife) because she did NOT know, until after going to see Boaz, that there was someone else with so to speak a claim in the redemption. He told her, that night, and then Naomi confirmed....
Also, whether in the example of Ruth and Boaz, or the one given by KB re Judges 21, and in general most scriptures used to make a point along this topic,
If they are taken out of context, and if we completely ignore the bigger picture of the times, places, law, etc... then we (general) can easily over elaborate and possibly totally extrapolate and make the scriptures say what they did not intend to, only for the purpose to make them say what we want them to say to make a point.
There are many examples of scriptures taken from the Old Testament which are used in a very "poetic" way, when talking about love, relationship, marriage etc... TODAY that did not have anything to do with that to begin with.
If you allow me, let's back track and check a few:
1-
Ruth and Boaz:Not repeating everything already said, and by the way, I understand where you stand...
BUT, it was a Levirate Marriage. IF the next of kin had accepted to redeem the land and to take her as a wife, she would have had to go along. No love story there: only the Law...
So, it seems - to me, at least - that romantacizing and fantasizing and encouraging women - who are genuinely thinking about marriage and to have a good husband - by telling them that they too should "find their Boaz", is out of line and a major shortcut, again, in the process of the story. Mostly also, what it does is take away how God meant for this union to happen, and who he had chosen to make it happen....
2- First Levirate Marriage - Judah and Tamar26. Then Judah recognized [them], and he said, "She is right, [it is] from me, because I did not give her to my son Shelah."
But he no longer continued to be intimate with her.Genesis - Chapter 38 Commentary:"Who was the first human being to introduce this practice of levirate marriage?
It was, according to the Midrash, Judah, who suggested to his son to marry his brother's widow and perpetuate the legacy of the deceased brother.
The continuation of the story is both strange and tragic. Judah's second son also died prematurely without having any children.
Now, during those early times
prior to the giving of Torah, Nachmanides explains, other relatives, in addition to brothers, used to carry out this obligation of levirate marriages.Thus, following the death of both of Tamar's husbands,
she went and lured her former-father-in-law, Judah, into a relationship with her which impregnated her and brought forth twin brothers, Peretz and Zerach.
Peretz was the ancestor of King David and the entire Davidic dynasty, including the Moshiach (Messiah), who, according to the Jewish tradition, will be a descendant of David.
Judah and Tamar ended up marrying each other, in fulfillment of this mitzvah (commandment) of levirate marriages.
The strange levirate relationship between Judah and Tamar was also part of God's paving the road through the jungle of history for redemption and Moshiach."3- Judges 2116. And the elders of the congregation said, "What shall we do for those that remained for wives, since the women of Benjamin have been destroyed?"
17. And they said, "(There must be) an inheritance for the remnant of Benjamin, so that a tribe not be blotted out from Israel.
18. But we may not give them wives from our daughters, for the children of Israel have sworn, saying, 'Cursed (be he) that gives a wife to Benjamin.' "
19. And they said, "Behold, there is a sacrifice before the Lord in Shiloh from time to time, which is to the north of Beth-el, on the east side of the highway that goes up from Beth-el to Shechem, and to the south of Lebonah."
20. And they instructed the children of Benjamin, saying, "Go and lie in wait in the vineyards.
21. And you will see, and behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in the dances, then you shall come out of the vineyards and you shall grab for yourselves each man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin. 22. And it shall be, when their fathers or their brothers come to quarrel with us, then we will say to them, 'We took pity on them, because we did not take for each man his wife in the war, (neither should you be concerned) for you did not give them presently that you should be guilty.' "
Again, that was to restore the tribe of Benjamin, the Benjamites were instructed by the elders to do so, following a chain of tragic events and war against the tribe of Benjamin.
Same thing, none of those "solutions" in today's world would be practical, let alone acceptable. (Sorry KB, no "bushman" maneuver
4- Isaac and Rebecca: Arranged marriageAnd Isaac... took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her (Genesis 24:67)Aaaah... Finally, real love, love at first sight? not really... Let's back up:
63. And Isaac went forth to pray in the field towards evening, and he lifted his eyes and saw,
and behold, camels were approaching. Isaac did not have a clue about what - literally - was coming. He saw nothing but camels approaching. No racing heartbeat, no anticipation, no "feeling", nothing...64. And Rebecca lifted her eyes, and saw Isaac, and
she let herself down from the camel. Very calm and collected, no movie moment when everything goes into slow motion as they walk towards each other.... Nothing romantic there either...65. And she said to the servant,
"Who is that man walking in the field towards us?" And the servant said, "He is my master." And she took the veil and covered herself.
Again, she did not know him, doesn't seem impressed by what she sees, but she has manners and covers herself.... 66. And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done.
Report time! What is she doing now? We don't know, it is not written. Maybe giving water to the camels....
67. And Isaac brought her to the tent of Sarah his mother, and he took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her. And Isaac was comforted for [the loss of] his mother.
So... The servant made his report and, without further due, no transition, Jacob takes her to his tent, and they consumate the marriage.
No big wedding, again, nothing romantic or exciting about the entire story... Why? Here is why:
Commentary:"... Their parents treated them to a shidduch. That's right, an arranged marriage.
Eliezer, Abraham's servant ,was a superb matchmaker. Dispatched by Abraham to find the perfect bride he returned with Rebecca in tow. They never hesitated and were married the very next day.
Did they love each other on their wedding day? No.
They barely even knew each other. As the biblical verse quoted at the beginning of this essay indicates,
it was only after their wedding that they discovered their admiration for each other and finally, their love.
Dispassionate? Unromantic? Maybe, but let's take a closer look at the shidduch approach to finding a mate.
In the shidduch approach, marriage is seen as a gateway. A gateway through which one enters into enchantment, romance and love.
True love is not created in a day. It takes decades to develop. In our world of instant gratification this is difficult to appreciate, but it is nonetheless true. Admiration and infatuation can be created in a day. Love takes time.True love is formed by living a mutual life for many years. True love is created when you share so much in common that you cannot imagine life without each other
In the shidduch approach, the prospective husband and wife are not focused on their wedding day, but on the decades to come. They understand that true love takes years to develop. On their wedding day they are content to share a foundation of mutual admiration, commitment and respect.
A foundation on which they will build their marriage and develop their love.
If the fundamentals are sound and a commitment to long-term marriage is in place, the details can be resolved and the obstacles overcome. True love will be free to blossom.Rooted in respect and admiration, nurtured by devotion and commitment and laced with happiness and love, such a marriage is a tribute to God."
So, that would be a good place to actually ask: what's love gotta do with it? And could it be that either they or we have it backwards?
I honestly don't think that what this person is doing was anything spontaneous and "just" for that purpose. It looks like a very well scripted show, and she is very much in control of what she does and what it brings to her... for now.
A lot of things have changed in relationships, including among christians. Some things are acceptable today that were not not too long ago. I believe that God can guide us in finding a balance in how we deal with these issues between man and woman, marriage being only one of them.
