|
|
Post by Jasmine on Feb 12, 2009 15:36:09 GMT -5
I'm emotionally tired and drained. I love my husband I really do, but I want out of my marriage. Nobody knows the hell I have been experiencing in my own home. I'm tired of praying and fasting, asking the Lord to mend these broken pieces. I am sick and tired, of being with someone who has no respect for me as his wife. All the humiliation, and yet I still stand, by his side..I can't live like this anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by vin on Feb 12, 2009 20:07:53 GMT -5
Jasmine,
I don't want to leave you out here by yourself. But at the same time, I don't know what to say. I have been there myself but at the core of my unhappiness was me, yes, but also the fact that I knew I had married the WRONG MAN.
Do you feel like you married the wrong man?
|
|
|
|
Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Feb 12, 2009 23:42:02 GMT -5
Jasmine,
Until I know EXACTLY what to say to you all I can say is that you are in my prayers.
Monica (ASWSOY)
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasmine on Feb 13, 2009 1:15:36 GMT -5
No, I don't feel like I've married the wrong man. I really do love him. I've been married for 13 years. I have 3 beautiful children. When all pointers says I /We should fail (young, married, black, in the church, former military)..we've made it through them ALL. We were kids when we got married, so of course we've done foolish things..but now?
I'm tired of the emotional roller coasters. Today you want to be married, tomorrow you don't..Today you think you love God, tomorrow you kicking it with the devil.
*shrug*.,i don't know..I thought I always knew what God was saying about my marriage. It hasn't always been bad..but its no where near where it used to be.
I couldn't finish the post from earlier, because I debated on whether or not to post it. but the truth of the matter is..I need your prayers....for my marriage, but most importantly me.
|
|
|
|
Post by nina2 on Feb 13, 2009 5:17:38 GMT -5
You got it...
It's good that you were able to say: "I'm tired" and though it seems obvious, the answer is still "just rest"...
Now let's see how God has planned for you to get the rest you need on ALL levels, body, soul and mind.
Love ya'
Nina
|
|
|
|
Post by Nikkol on Feb 13, 2009 8:22:34 GMT -5
My prayers are with you as well. You're definitely not alone in dealing with these same issues. I'm here if need you need some things that I've learned for myself and others.
Have u talked with your pastor's wife?
|
|
|
|
Post by vin on Feb 13, 2009 9:44:07 GMT -5
Jasmine, Girl when I think about the stuff I've shared on here...and something I'm thinking about sharing now....anybody can share anything.  All I have in my heart to say to you is to "focus on you". When I say that I don't mean to leave him. Nobody can tell you to leave or stay. But I will just say, focus on you. Pray for your peace, your mind. I know that it may be extremely difficult, especially while you're living in the house with the person who's actin up. One of my brothers was kinda like you described. Until one day his wife was on her way to church and he was following her to the door cuttin up. She got to the car and turned around with tears in her eyes and told him, "You can go to hell if you want to. But I'm going all the way with the Lord.".He said that went all through him. Because it showed him and reminded him that what was happening wasn't about him and her, it was about each of them and their individual relationships with the Lord. When she turned to speak to him she didn't do anything but serve notice on him that what he was doing, she wasn't about to do. And not only that, she wasn't going to "go there" with him. She wasn't gonna be pulled in. Today they are pastoring a church together and very much in love. So all I can say is first and foremost take care of YOU. YOUR relationship with God. Don't get sucked in. Don't allow yourself to be stretched past who you know you are. If he's cuttin up and can't make up his mind, that's his problem. Don't take ownership of his issues. You're his wife but you are not responsible for his behavior or his relationship with God. Detach yourself from his sins and his behavior. Maybe at this point, don't ask God what He's got to say about your marriage. Ask Him what He has to say about You. This is not a statement about blaming you for what's wrong. It's just that I've learned especially concerning my ex husband that God has always had something to say to me about me. So be sure to get God's point of view on you. Not you, in light of your husband or even your children, but just you. He's got something to say. And it will heal you. That's all that's in my heart to share. And you're gonna be just fine. THAT I do know. |
|
|
|
Post by livinganewlife on Feb 13, 2009 10:24:12 GMT -5
Jasmine, I am praying for you and praying that God will keep you and give you peace in this situation.......
Love you and everything will be alright~
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasmine on Feb 13, 2009 13:23:10 GMT -5
Jasmine, Girl when I think about the stuff I've shared on here...and something I'm thinking about sharing now....anybody can share anything. All I have in my heart to say to you is to "focus on you". When I say that I don't mean to leave him. Nobody can tell you to leave or stay. But I will just say, focus on you. Pray for your peace, your mind. I know that it may be extremely difficult, especially while you're living in the house with the person who's actin up. One of my brothers was kinda like you described. Until one day his wife was on her way to church and he was following her to the door cuttin up. She got to the car and turned around with tears in her eyes and told him, "You can go to hell if you want to. But I'm going all the way with the Lord.".He said that went all through him. Because it showed him and reminded him that what was happening wasn't about him and her, it was about each of them and their individual relationships with the Lord. When she turned to speak to him she didn't do anything but serve notice on him that what he was doing, she wasn't about to do. And not only that, she wasn't going to "go there" with him. She wasn't gonna be pulled in. Today they are pastoring a church together and very much in love. So all I can say is first and foremost take care of YOU. YOUR relationship with God. Don't get sucked in. Don't allow yourself to be stretched past who you know you are. If he's cuttin up and can't make up his mind, that's his problem. Don't take ownership of his issues. You're his wife but you are not responsible for his behavior or his relationship with God. Detach yourself from his sins and his behavior. Maybe at this point, don't ask God what He's got to say about your marriage. Ask Him what He has to say about You. This is not a statement about blaming you for what's wrong. It's just that I've learned especially concerning my ex husband that God has always had something to say to me about me. So be sure to get God's point of view on you. Not you, in light of your husband or even your children, but just you. He's got something to say. And it will heal you. That's all that's in my heart to share. And you're gonna be just fine. THAT I do know. thanks vin, I can appreciate your words. I look at each and every situation, and I do ask God, what are you trying to teach me, or tell me to help me go further in my walk. Sometimes that answer is really clear, sometimes I recognize what I've learned after going through the storms..other times..like now. I don't know. I did want to clarify my statement. I am tired of his emotional roller coaster, which in a sense, has thrusted into the ride. He doesn't know if he wants a wife. His excuse is that, we married young, and he feels like he needs to know whats its like to be single, then he'll turn right back around and say...but I need you to be with me. God's standards, has become "jasmine's" standards. In his eyes, I'm the holy roller that never sins..and no one can live up to my standards...Sometimes I laugh at his foolishness., then other times I feel horrible, because I never want to be seen or appear that way to anybody. Ultimately I realize that he's mad because I won't allow him to be comfortable in his sin. I've done whats been stated, so many times. At this point..I do just want to focus on me, but without the divorce. I don't want to follow my heart, because the heart deceives. I need to lead it, but I just don't know what direction to go. I feel like a fool sometimes, because even though he has not been physical with anyone as of yet...he's done things that no wife should ever have to put up with. All he says..is I know..I know its wrong.
Nikkol, I spoke with my pastor last month. I explained to him what was going on, and he gave me great spiritual councel. He told me, he was behind me, and this was a decision I would have to make, but what ever that decision was, He was behind me. I have not spoken to my first lady at all, but I know that I really should. |
|
|
|
Post by Nikkol on Feb 13, 2009 15:11:36 GMT -5
I probably would've went to the pastor's wife moreso because as a woman, she can probably give cousel. (tho a man "can", I think a woman is more equipt).
I can "understand" why he thinks that because he got married young he hasn't been able to see what it's like to actually be single. (this is not 2 excuse his behavior)
I can only imagine how tough this is. I know that this falls into the "worse" from the "better or for worse" time. My prayer is that he would strengthen you during this time to continue to be the wife that G-d has made you to be and to be attentive to not follow your heart (which may be hard) but to follow Him..... if nothing else I say sticks, remember these words: "Keep your focus on Him and what He is requiring of you. Your mind may play tricks on you, your heart may want to do something else..... it can be a battleground. Love your husband to life. Hear what he says but also hear what he says (if you know what I mean) and target your prayers accordingly.
Feel free to email/pm and I can give you my cell if needed.
And above all, thanks for sharing. It's this type of transparency that can bring healing to not just you but for others as well.
|
|
|
|
Post by ybrown on Feb 13, 2009 16:20:53 GMT -5
Jasmine, I could have started this thread and wrote what you wrote. I've been married for 17 years. I saw the signs and should have left 16 years ago but at the time our baby girl was just a few months old.
I don't know what your situation is but God gave me peace about leaving, whenever I do leave.
A lot of times we do know what to do but it's scary. Don't be afraid. Be optimistic about your future, your children's future.
I've cried my last tear over my marriage.
Do what you have to do for you and your children. Nothing else matters. Not what others will think. Not what they will say because all of that is unimportant.
Honey, you are strong.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasmine on Feb 13, 2009 17:05:23 GMT -5
I probably would've went to the pastor's wife moreso because as a woman, she can probably give cousel. (tho a man "can", I think a woman is more equipt). I can "understand" why he thinks that because he got married young he hasn't been able to see what it's like to actually be single. (this is not 2 excuse his behavior) I can only imagine how tough this is. I know that this falls into the "worse" from the "better or for worse" time. My prayer is that he would strengthen you during this time to continue to be the wife that G-d has made you to be and to be attentive to not follow your heart (which may be hard) but to follow Him..... if nothing else I say sticks, remember these words: "Keep your focus on Him and what He is requiring of you. Your mind may play tricks on you, your heart may want to do something else..... it can be a battleground. Love your husband to life. Hear what he says but also hear what he says (if you know what I mean) and target your prayers accordingly. Feel free to email/pm and I can give you my cell if needed. And above all, thanks for sharing. It's this type of transparency that can bring healing to not just you but for others as well. I am going to talk with her. I don't think she's more equipped, I do think that from a woman's perspective she can offer me something that her husband, my pastor cannot. I too understand the "concept" of marrying young, and not being able to experience single life. I gave up mine also when I said I do. I wouldnt do him how I've been allowing him to do me. I wouldn't disrespect him like that. I do thank God for you guys, I do have a greater understanding of what I am feeling. And I also know that i am not the only one who has or is facing situations like such. |
|
|
|
Post by vin on Feb 13, 2009 21:05:05 GMT -5
BIG HUG.
|
|
|
|
Post by kitty on Feb 14, 2009 14:30:46 GMT -5
Hey Jasmine,
My prayers are with you! I don't have a whole lot to add since I have never been married. But I can share some thoughts about the "wishful thinking" about the single life. I am 38 years old so to be 39 in 3 months.
I have never been married and don't have any kids... But my time to experience both get's shorter everyday. This idea that living a single life adds some benefits to one's life or makes them more stable is hog wash!
I know many people that have married young often wonder about that. Would their lives be more stable, less difficult, easier, not really... Because all of that depends on God.
Honestly I think that it maybe possible that your husband is going through a "mid-life crisis". I have heard those words before from friends of mine... " I feel like I got married too soon..." " I think I should have been single for a while first..." Interestingly I just heard those same words from one of my old classmates just last month. He has been married for 10 years with 3 kids all boys...
In his case he is feeling out of sorts because he is out of work and dependent on his wife for support. He feels like he is missing out on his "chance" to be successful at his life dreams because he happens to be the main caregiver for his kids right now. He wants to move out and leave... They are going through counseling right now...
Jasmine... I think your husband could probably really benefit from counseling from a older saved Christian man who has "been there and done that". There are plenty of men who have jacked up their marriages thinking that the grass was greener on the other side and can live to tell the regret. He might really benefit from their testimonies... Ask around...
Even some "unsaved" men have walked down that road and can sing the blues...
My ex from my 20 sumthin days did me the best favor ever by deciding that he didn't want to marry me... But part of that was because he thought he was too young, thought he hadn't experienced enough, hadn't sowed enough oats, didn't want the commitment of marriage... yada, yada, yada...
Here we are some 10 years later and this joker keeps on calling me. All of his other dates/relationships have been nightmares, this has included death threats and restraining orders! LOL
Oh... how he wishes I would take his hand in marriage now. The best part was the stability that I offered... and he now sweats bullets about the fact that he can "feel it in his bones" that I will be married soon...
Jasmine... your husband would probaly lose his mind if you 2 separated and you really went on with life...
Keep in prayer... The devil is a liar... sadly some of his lies look pretty good!
We all got your back in prayer!
Kitty
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasmine on Feb 15, 2009 0:34:30 GMT -5
kitty,
He says what he's going through is a midlife crisis..I don't know if I believe all that.
|
|
