I'm tired

[nina2]

Hi

I think that the information about those issues on this ministry's site might be able to give you a starting point in understanding what is (has been) going on, not only with your husband but also yourself:

midlife.org/

When we live the situation, it's difficult to gain some altitude and see the bigger picture so, this is not about "misery likes company" but more about getting an understanding from an objective - and spiritual - point of view.

And also this one, because we are, after all, all human:

www.mengetdepression.com/index.cfm

We don't think - or don't want to - think about it, but it does happen.... and it can manifest in surprising ways.... check it out...

[ybrown]

When those of us who enter marriage with the idea that it is forever, we’ll do whatever for however long it takes to save it and make it work. Usually the work of saving and fixing the marriage falls on the wife and it can be exhausting.

If we even think about leaving, knowing that we didn’t do everything to save the marriage, we won’t leave. We may say we’re leaving or think we’re leaving but we’re not going anywhere. Until we’ve done all we can do and have nothing else left to give to the marriage, there won’t be any peace in the decision.

You know how in Romans 1 it says that God's invisible qualities can be seen in what he created? It’s really true. We see it and live it every day because God is reflected in all our functional and working relationships – friend/friend, parent/child and husband/wife.

In marriage the wife is like the HS. Something just happens to a man when his woman is behind him 100%. We have the power to make him feel like Superman. As women we're also the inspirer, the encourager, our man’s counselor.

A man can do anything with his wife cheering him on just like we can do anything with the HS encouraging us.

Were also a convictor like the HS. We're the ones who address things and problems out loud that the man knows but may not want to face.

Sometimes when God tells us something and we don’t want to hear it, we'll put Him off and may even get an attitude with Him {I've been guilty of that}.

A husband will do the same thing to his wife when he doesn’t want to hear or face what she’s saying. He'll put her off and distance himself. Just like us toward the HS, a lot of men forget or just don't realize how much their wives love them. When that happens he can easily mistake her encouraging words with nagging. That's when things can go from bad to worse.

A bible teacher/marriage counselor to thousands of couples/author who was the leader of both a very large singles and marriage ministry said that he can sit down with a husband who cheated on his wife and within 30 minutes he can convince that man to stay with his wife. It doesn’t’ take much.

But when a woman is ready, truly ready to leave, nothing short of a miracle from God can make her stay because for her to have gotten to that point means that she'd been quenched over and over and over and over and over again. She’s done all she can do. The rest is up to the husband.

I've done every Christian, Catholic and mainstream counseling, spoken to pastors, elders, ministers, read every book known to man and done other things (I shared with you) to save my marriage. lol

Yup, it takes hell and high water for us to become utterly and totally fed up. That's why I‘ll take all the peace in the world when I leave because I know I did everything I could to save the marriage.

But my situation isn't yours and yours isn't mine.

Jasmine, you will never catch me telling you what to do because I don’t know you like that and because I know you have the LIVING AND BREATHING God inside of you guiding you, but from all I’ve experienced, seen from wives ready to leave and not ready to leave their marriages, it sounds to me like you’re discouraged; but also like you still have too much fight left to let your marriage go at this point.

If his actions can still deeply hurt you that means you're still invested. When his actions that used to hurt you no longer do, that's when you know you're done doin'.

When all that fight is gone you will know. There'll be no mistake.

You know you and you know your husband and only you and God know where you are. Your marriage could even emerge from this stronger than ever. I hope that happens for you.

The only advice I will offer, which you can take or not take is this: Don't let all the outer voices overshadow and become louder than that inner voice that is God. Advice can be good but it can also be confusing.

God knows how to speak to you directly and He doesn't need anyone talking on His behalf.

[Jasmine]

Ladies,

I thank each of you for your words of encouragement, your prayers, and most of all your shared experiences. I thank you for the wise counsel, in and out of public view. Truly right on time.

I can say that there is still some fight left in me. I am/was discouraged about the things that have been taking place, but I have invested too much into this relationship, and I DO love him.

I don't know, but after hearing the word by my pastor today, I decided to do something nice for my husband. Despite everything he has put me through, I took him to dinner and I paid. I expressed my feelings, and I listened to everything he had to say concerning our relationship. When we left the restaurant he asked me did I want to watch the east vs west basketball game, I declined, but later changed my mind, because I realized that these are things we used to do once upon a time. Well,I watched the game..He watched me.

Right before he went to sleep, I dropped the bomb on him. I told him that I wasn't going to let him go. I told him I was fighting for my marriage, and I refuse to watch him destroy our family. He didn't say anything, but I saw the tears fall.

At that moment, I walked up the stairs, and shut myself in the room. I don't know what the end result of my marriage will be, but ybrown your correct, there's still some fight in me.

[vin]

And you know Jasmine, maybe your husband is hoping that you will fight for him, because he might not know how to fight for himself right now.

Keep doing things with him. He might miss it, and just hasn't said anything. Men sometimes scream silently.

[giantsdodie]

I have nothing to say other than I have prayed about your situation....

[Nikkol]

Continue to fight. I doubt that any person can say that they're marriage didn't take a fight. Some for MANY years.... and I do believe that there is a blessing for those that are willing to continue to do what they are doing in spite of what they see....

One person I'm thinking about is Abraham. Waiting more than 5 years for a promise is too long.... but to have to wait over 20?

Personally, I've thought about that same thing before so I wouldn't say that it's hard to believe. But sometimes, one can think that they've missed out on "life" by being married young.... same way that some ppl feel they missed out on life because they got saved young.......

I know that it's hard and you may get weary.....but I pray that through this, you'll be strengthened and the only way that you'd fail is if you give up.

Side Note: I am hoping maybe I can find someone that has went through greatly and what they learned which I think would be helpful for you.

[Jasmine]

Hey all!

Just coming back to provide an update. My marriage is still on troubled waters, but those waters are more like stirred, and not raging. I'm continuing to pray and hold on to God.

I've basically laid out everything on the table, explained that if it wasn't acceptable then, its not acceptable now. Things are changing, and I've pretty much kept to myself. I still entreat him as my husband, but I am cautious and I guard my heart.

God is still good, and I know this regardless of the outcome

[true]

You and your family are in my prayers Jas

[Jasmine]

GOD is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

My husband is Back!! CAN i tell you it definitely got worse before it got better, but its all GOD. I took my hands off of it, gave it to God and he worked and is continuing to work it out.

everything has to be rebuilt, but is what God specializes in.

Thank you all for your prayers, and keep praying because the healing process is beginning.

[Nikkol]

Apr 6, 2009 14:01:24 GMT -5 Jasmine said:

GOD is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

My husband is Back!! CAN i tell you it definitely got worse before it got better, but its all GOD. I took my hands off of it, gave it to God and he worked and is continuing to work it out.

everything has to be rebuilt, but is what God specializes in.

Thank you all for your prayers, and keep praying because the healing process is beginning.

[faint sound of a bass drum and highhat in the background]

To G-d be the GLORY!

My husband had preached a message about how many times, it's when things are at it's darkest that G-d is working. He compared it to a play and that when the scene is about to change, it gets VERY dark and ppl come and move things around so that when the lights come back on, things aren't the way they were before. [faint organ in the background] But if we were to leave in between the scenes because it got too dark or we were impatient, we would've missed the new scene (which unfortunately happens to a LOT of ppl). I thank G-d for this testimony.

God can/will heal. So we don't wait till the battle is over but we shouting during and RIGHT NOW!!!!

<<organ in the background in B flat...it's shouting time>>

[Jasmine]

I Would have love to continue to report the above as the final outcome. God has a reason for allowing the things he does.

My divorce is almost final.

[krazeeboi]

Wow, I'm just reading this thread...I'm pretty stunned, had no idea Sis. Jasmine. I really don't have much to add at all as a never-married guy in his late 20's, but you and your husband are in my prayers.

[Nikkol]

Well, I'm going to keep the two of you in prayer.... I know that God can work it out. Hopefully you two will be able to reconcile.

[livinganewlife]

Aug 21, 2009 22:30:37 GMT -5 Jasmine said:

I Would have love to continue to report the above as the final outcome. God has a reason for allowing the things he does.

My divorce is almost final.

Jas when I saw your post earlier regarding Christina Glenn, I immediately thought about this thread......well God knows everything and I am with Nikkol praying for you both knowing that everything will work for your good.

[Jasmine]

Thanks KB.

@nikkol, anything is possible with God.

@ LANL, you know I went back to read what I had written on the other post.and it stuck out at me. I don't know, there was just something about it. I can't put my finger on it though.