Black and single: Is marriage really for white peo

[kitty]

Nikkol,
As a single women who lived in sin for a few years let me be the first to state that people living together is NOT the same as marriage. Even if it has been over 20 years.... Sadly what occured is that the woman involved realized that the man she was involved with didn't love her enough to truly commit to her and she was afraid to leave him. She was afriad that she couldn't do better, so she stayed.

Trust me... in 23 years the topic of marriage probably came up more than once. It probably came up a few times. I also would suggest that although she may have been committed or "faithful" in the relationship... the guy probably has not been. He also probably dates other people with a clear conscious because after all he is "NOT" married.

I currently know of a young man i went to highschool with who was living with his "baby's mama" but going out on dates whenever he went out of town for work.

Again.... I think if we went back to the old days were it was 'uncommon" rather than the norm for women, including Christians to have sex outside of marriage... Men wouldn't waste time about figuring out if they want a wife or who they want to be tied down with for the rest of their lifes....

Tell the truth Krazeboi.... you probably aren't married because your too busy dating many and "weighting" your options! LOL

Kitty

[krazeeboi]

Apr 7, 2009 20:40:28 GMT -5 kitty said:

Ok Krazeboi,

That was then this is now.... I know of several Black men who are stable, grew up in two parent family homes... where their parents were MARRIED...

And still theu duck and dodge marriage like it is the plague!

Why is that?

Are kids in the picture or not? Because I think that makes a big difference.

[krazeeboi]

Apr 8, 2009 4:43:05 GMT -5 nina2 said:

OK, so what we see happening to day is the result of a process that started over forty years ago. That's already, by today's standards, several generations...

No, just one. It really wasn't that long ago. And cultural habits have a nasty habit of sticking around even when the original conditions that created them are no longer present.

How is the plight of a black man in defining/asserting gender and social identity in this day and age different from that of a white man??

I had to ask because I know for a fact that it would be a big, fatal mistake to even start believing that "white men" have it all figured out. Far from it! They have the exact same issues...

That's a really complicated question. For one, he may have to deal with a woman who makes more than him and is more educated than him. And we know all about the "I can do bad all by myself, Ms. Independent" syndrome that exists among Black women. I mean we could get into several scenarios here, but I believe a lot of it goes back to the absence of the Black father in a lot of homes.

[krazeeboi]

Apr 8, 2009 14:42:19 GMT -5 kitty said:

Tell the truth Krazeboi.... you probably aren't married because your too busy dating many and "weighting" your options! LOL

LOL, actually I'm not even dating right now. Just trying to work on me right now.

[Nikkol]

Apr 8, 2009 14:42:19 GMT -5 kitty said:

Nikkol,
As a single women who lived in sin for a few years let me be the first to state that people living together is NOT the same as marriage. Even if it has been over 20 years.... Sadly what occured is that the woman involved realized that the man she was involved with didn't love her enough to truly commit to her and she was afraid to leave him. She was afriad that she couldn't do better, so she stayed.

Trust me... in 23 years the topic of marriage probably came up more than once. It probably came up a few times. I also would suggest that although she may have been committed or "faithful" in the relationship... the guy probably has not been. He also probably dates other people with a clear conscious because after all he is "NOT" married.

I currently know of a young man i went to highschool with who was living with his "baby's mama" but going out on dates whenever he went out of town for work.

Again.... I think if we went back to the old days were it was 'uncommon" rather than the norm for women, including Christians to have sex outside of marriage... Men wouldn't waste time about figuring out if they want a wife or who they want to be tied down with for the rest of their lifes....

Tell the truth Krazeboi.... you probably aren't married because your too busy dating many and "weighting" your options! LOL

Kitty

Well, all I know is that she indicated that neither one of them are dating/seeing anyone else. If that's true or not, I don't know but that was what the woman had indicated.

[kitty]

nikkol,

In a lot of those cases the woman usually claims that she and her boyfriend are fathful to each other. And in most cases "she" is.... But honestly a man who will committ to you... will also marry you.
But how many people want to admit that they have settled for less... that thy are acting out of fear? Not many...

Kitty