I'M Very Upset.....

[kitty]

Hello Guys,
My mind and my heart have been really heavy for the past 24 hrs.... But for 2 different reasons that happen to be both connected... I'll start with the first one.

I happen to be active on facebook and recently added some young relatives to my friends list. I did so reluctantly because although I don't post anything that is outrageous... I didn't want them to be possibly exposed to something that other adults on my friends list may post. In general most don't post anything crazy but some my make some adult themed commentary maybe like joking because I state that I like Taye Diggs. Most of it is mild but just the same.... I was cautious because of this... Especially because a lot of these people on the friends list are people that I knew years ago from school. And many are not saved or luke warm Christians or I just don't know anything about their spiritual lives because I haven't been around them for over 20 years...

So I cautiously added 2 young relatives... One of them just turned 21 and the other is still in highschool.

It is that relative in highschool that I am concerned about... I don't talk with her that often because of the age difference as well as the fact that I live in a different state. I come in contact with her maybe 2-3 times a year but she has spent a lot of time doing odd jobs for my mother. In the past she has done some work for me. I found her to be sweet innocent, smart, and easy going.... kind of quiet almost shy.

The last time I had a face to face conversation with her was last summer. We did discuss the whole idea of her dating... and I was in fact fishing around in my comments to see where she was in terms of male/female relationships. The impression that she gave me was that she didn't have much dating experience and wasn't currently dating or liking anyone.

Then yesterday I got the shock of my life when I see she made some rather very serious and explicit post in regards to her having some relationship with some guy and getting ready to be arrested by the police in order to fight someone over him....

Trust me when I say that my summary of the post is mild... It was really adult! It was the kind of thing you might expect from someone at least in college or much, much older. It was very base, ghetto, low class, so many terms... The post spoke volumes of what I had no idea was going on in her life...

So I'm terrifed because I now know that she is in trouble! Her life is apparently out of control and it seems that neither mother, father or older sibs (not that they would be much help) are aware or either they just don't care!

I'm terrifed because I know my influence is limited... I did start by contacting her on facebook and asking her not to be involved with any fighting... I contacted another cousin who happens to be my age to go and physically check on her... But ultimately I know that it a situation very serious because she has just DECLARED to over 71 other highschool kids that she is willing to "jump" anothr kid!!!

Sooo how quietly do you think that situation is going to die down? Not likely! Comments like that are potentially dangrous... So my first questions to you guys is this...

Has anybody had any dealing with this kind of situation before? And before anyone asks... No her parents are very little help. They allowed hr oldr brother to drop out of highschool 4 years ago... Her older sister is apparently not the best role model now either... For several reasons and I'll post more about that later...

But any suggestion would be welcomed...

Kitty

[kitty]

More back ground...


Guys... I can only say that if someone has children that are under 21 in their homes that they shouldn't be allowed to have a myspace or facebook page period! I know that may sound extreme... But it is the honest to goodness truth....

Young people don't understand the extent that words have power... It is even worse when it is placed in black and white... And truthfully... I don't think God ever intended for everyone to know what everyone else is thinking because all thoughts shouldn't be shared...

Even now as an adult I rarely post any serious thought that I have on facebook... I usually reserve it for this place.

But think about it guys... Could u imagine being back in school and literally annoucing over a loud speaker that you like someone? Common sense would have prevented most of us from doing that... But I don't think the kids understand that this is the equivalent to what they are doing on facebook and myspace...

The about this... think back to when you were in school 12-14 years old... What do u think the effects and result would be if you went around and told almost a 100 people that u want to have a fight with another kid?

Again guys I have so say... that because I have worked as a teacher I am really concrned about this... Not just from the stand point of her getting into a fight but what if something like this could be grounds for her being expelled? ( Yes it was that bad...)

Not to mention this guys.... The post that she made was so adult that it indicated to me a true possibility that she coud be sexually active... When I went back to her home page to see what else was going on... I was also shocked to see that she listed her relationship status as "engaged"!!!! a 16 year old engaged? I don't even think she has a driver lic....

JESUS!!! I promise you all I didn't know whether to laugh or cry... Laugh because I know she has no way of knowing what it means to be married or sharing a life with someone...Or cry because I have seen fake "engagements" be used by boys to try to get girls to sleep with them...

Which is her case? I don't know....


Kitty

[Nikkol]

I think that what makes this a little different is that each generation does get wiser. Even if we think about the generation above us, some of the things that we did growing up were things that they would think was something that we should've been older before we did. It's to a place that even without facebook or myspace, many ppl are more vocal and how they feel will still come out. It's just that with these avnues, ppl may be able to catch it before it goes too far. (ppl have been able to help ppl talking about suicide, etc. because of their status updates)

Even like discussions about menstrual cycles. Generations ago, ppl didn't want to talk about it so they didn't. I remember one college professor said she was sliding down the side of her steps (in some row homes, there's this little incline between two houses that you can "slide down") and when she got up she noticed that there was a strip of blood on the incline and she thought she was dying. To now although my daughter is 9, I've already discussed that with her (because girls are getting it younger and I don't want her to be scared or shocked).

Added onto that, what is her "church background"? ie, does she go to church? does the family? It does become more difficult based on the fact that you're not nearby nor are you as close. Does she have any close relatives in the faith?

Without knowing all the details surrounding, the only other thing I can say is to keep her in prayer. Have your church family pray as well. And continue to seek G-d and he'll give you direction.

[Rachel2]

Kitty you mentioned earlier that she had done some odd jobs for your mother. Is it possible to share this information with her and maybe ask her to speak to this young relative?

[krazeeboi]

Kitty, I'm not sure how much experience you have with high school kids these days, but I can tell you, this sounds pretty average. I don't want to minimizes the potential consequences if the threats that were made were actually carried out, but it's almost become something of a norm.

Being that her immediate family doesn't seem to be of much help, really I think the only thing you can do is try and reach out to her as much as you can via Facebook and do a lot of praying. You may also possibly want to try and contact the guidance counselor at her school as well. These days, I'm sure they know that they have things like these to deal with on a daily basis as well.

As far as anyone under the age of 21 having a Facebook page, it all boils down to parental guidance.

[kitty]

Hey Guys,
Thanks for posting... Honestly things got pretty bad... as more things were posted this week it seems as if my cousin is dealing with a young man that is out of highschool and too old for her.
Sadly some other poor child wants to fight her over this...
Krazeboi... I do have some experience with highschool kids... I do not consider this to be the norm. My family members are looking to have her change schools and explain to the young man that my cousin is involved with that we will call the police if he continues contact... The are other details... I won't go into them now... But this has been a bad week. I'm just glad that many people were here to support me in my concern...



Kitty

[stillfocused]

Honestly..find a way to show tha t this guy is really making a fool out of them both. And if he really cares about either one on them because he's young man playing childish games with their minds. How did this turn out..

[kitty]

Apparently she is starting to see the light Thank God!