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Post by stillfocused on May 22, 2009 20:34:13 GMT -5
I have been single for more than 10 yrs..and only now is the church I attend is starting it's singles ministry. I don't claim to know everything; yet, a part of me is screaming.." I can't take another teaching on how to be single!!". And I don't want to have what some call " a take over spirit" as I listen people who are married ( married before 21) and have not truly experienced what it is like to be single and in love with the Lord. Please folks be honest with me..am I wrong for feeling this way ? Nothing against those of you who are married..because ya'll be bringing some thought provoking things to the surface...help me out here. Am I the only that feels this way?
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Post by Poetricia (G.A.P.) on May 23, 2009 11:25:37 GMT -5
I have been single for more than 10 yrs..and only now is the church I attend is starting it's singles ministry. I don't claim to know everything; yet, a part of me is screaming.." I can't take another teaching on how to be single!!". And I don't want to have what some call " a take over spirit" as I listen people who are married ( married before 21) and have not truly experienced what it is like to be single and in love with the Lord. Please folks be honest with me..am I wrong for feeling this way ? Nothing against those of you who are married..because ya'll be bringing some thought provoking things to the surface...help me out here. Am I the only that feels this way? ME EITHER and NO YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!! I haven't attended a Single's workshop in years because they've all centered on the waiting for marriage aspect of singlehood and nothing else. I have however taught both singles and single parenting workshops but I always make the focus about discovering and excersing your spiritual gifts, pursing your purpose in God, etc... Most recently because now I'm in my mid 40's I'd like to see workshops for singles that focus on taking care of yourself when you're by yourself, 401k's and retirement plans, health happiness, mentoring opk's (other people's kids) for those who are single with no children and have a burning yearning for parenthood, and a funny one, the single's "bucket list" from the movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Can you see the possiblities when we stop making marriage the only focus of single's ministries? stillfocused, you know another thing I got tired of? The endless conversations we have with our sisters and friends about getting married. I got so tired of it that I made my new year's resolution to STOP TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE, when I'm gonna get married, where is he, what kind of husband I'm waiting on, what God is showing me, telling me, revealing to me, teaching me, etc..etc..etc...!!!!! Don't get me wrong, marriage is still the number one desire of my heart and I haven't given up on believing that God has heard that prayer, will answer it in his own time. BUT all the hours and hours I have spent while I wait talking discussing writing and sharing about my future husband/marriage has not been fruitful nor edifying to my spiritual growth, if anything, it has tickled my ears, pulled at my heart strings and made my flesh happy!!!!! And I'll tell you in these last five months, my focus has sharpened, my faith and my peace has actually INCREASED, and I've made strides in pursuing my personal goals and visions and for my life. All I can say is WOW and THANK YOU JESUS!!! |
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Post by giantsdodie on May 25, 2009 10:39:01 GMT -5
Id like to address this from several angles.
Firstly I think we do saints of God a disservice many times when they are herded into categories. Many times it unfortunately creates division and this is seen a great deal in our single and married saints ministries. In fact in the BoC its of single VERSUS married saints and instead of coming together as ONE Body we become enemies.
This has created the unfortunate resentment of many single not wanting to hear anything about being single from married saints because " They Got Somebody " and unfortunately this was even further driven home by our sister Prophetess Bynums remarks.
It has also created an issue where married people will not take advice from single people because they are not married and therefore cannot give them advice because they have no experience.
The problem there is that what we are doing is minimizing MINISTRY to EXPERIENCE and not the ANOINTING. I point out to people all the time the scriptures we choose all the time to teach marriage from were given to us by people who were SINGLE Jesus and Paul... So even married people make these mistakes.
It has also created in an issue where people think that being married is " better or more complete " than being single when the reality is that marriage has challenges and singleness has challenges.
Thats why I say that the most important thing to teach people whether single or married is to teach them to walk out the will of GOD for their lives. Teach them to embrace HIM first and foremost and HIS will for their lives and then WALK that out.
Sekk Ye FIRST the KINGDOM of GOD ( the Kings Domain and the Kings DOMINION and the KINGS Way of Doing things ) and ALL these things will be ADDED unto you. Our problem is we want a bunch of stuff ADDED before we start seeking or walking.
On a more personal note. I personally think its utterly stupid when people cut themselves off from ministry to them because someone is married and they dont wanna hear anything from them. In my example I am 42 years old. I started having sexaul relationships at the age of 17. I was saved at age 26. I was married at age 35. My life as a single FAR outweghs my life as a married person. I know what it is to have God heal you from past relationship hurts and to deliver you from strong soul ties to individuals. I have had God deliver me from addiction to sex and pornography, YET because of my marital status some people would quickly REJECT all that GOD has done in my life to help me get whole...
and THAT is also a HUGE mistake people make.. Marriage will NOT make you WHOLE.. only GOD can do that....
Again I believe the MOST important thing to know is GOD HIMSELF first and then HIS WILL for your life. Thats for single folk and married folk.. You need to know WHO You are in CHRIST.. You need to know WHO HE IS in YOU..
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Post by stillfocused on May 25, 2009 13:50:59 GMT -5
Giants...thanks for your response and much of what you have said is true. I am over 45 yrs. old never married..but, I don't regret it. Because I know within myself if I had earlier..it would have been outside the will of God for my life and I would been one those "foolish" women mentioned in Proverbs who tore her house down with her hands. As one who continully being treated as less been because of martial single..it irks me others treat me like I am in denial 'when I say Embrace it". How true it is when you say seek the kingdom of God first..I remember ministerig to a friend who is married and asking God why he was using me.."because I ain't married to nobody?" And the Lord reminded me if I used a donkey..I can use anybody I choose to use. And it is true that there are challenges in the state of marriage and the state of singleness. For me it doesn't make sense of you to say to that in my single ness I am complete in the Lord..and then you turn around and treat me like because I am not whole and of no use the Lord..when in reality I am of no use to you. The biases have created divisons..and sadly, the worse place is the body of Christ. Giants..you're right it is about knowing who God is for yourself..and sadly, there seems to be an unspoken and spoken(sometimes) rule you don't know who the Lord is because you're consumed with trying to find a mate...when that's not true.
Giants check your PM
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Post by kitty on May 25, 2009 21:30:22 GMT -5
Hey Guys,
How are ya'll doing?! LOL it has been a minute since we have talked about being single... and I woud like to share my thoughts on it today in regards to this post. I think the problem is that too many churches fail to realize that not ALL SINGLES should even be in they same group together!!!
Those who are well over the age of 35, those who have been married and divorced and those who have been widowed all may need different things than those who are 18-28, never been married with no kids...
Also... I would like to see more classes for singles that would prepare them for marriage. Speaking of Junita Bynum.... Did anybody notice how many singles were seeking her out for advice about how to prepare? Aside from her not more sheets videos...which definitely did a good job speaking on purity... some of the stuff she spoke was just plain crazy and unbiblical!
Although me and my friends laugh at it... I think it is really sad that many seasoned saints are still running around thinking that they got to "birth out" their husbands! God called us to be wives and help meets... not play the role of "Big Mama Part 2"!
The church that I am a member of doesn't have a singles ministry... Nor did the one I was a member of before it. I find that I am often on my own in this area. The truth is that the most that I get to talk about singleness is with you guys online... Other wise I hit the major book stores and read Christian literature to keep me grounded and help me to prepare...
Kitty
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Post by nina2 on May 26, 2009 7:20:08 GMT -5
This is so true.... If I may add something, it is also true that many would rather go for - or try to find a version of! - a "crash course" on that, and there is none, because, we are never finished learning about and from God, and at every stage of our life, if we let him, God will direct and/or re-direct us to maximize every step of our journey.
I also think that Kitty has a very good point when she mentions:
Even though there are principles that do apply to living single God's way at any age, there might be some different issues or interests depending on age and experience of relationships.
Creating more groups would also make those belonging to those groups maybe feel more isolated in their current situation rather than increase their awareness of having to seek God, live godly and possibly move on to yet another stage of their adult life.....
Being single or married has, for most, become a question of age, and it's not, never was for that matter. So, there might also be a few myths (lies??) needing to be debunked about both being single and being married before real progress is made :-)
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Post by giantsdodie on May 26, 2009 8:41:01 GMT -5
I think that this is a part of the problem. We want the church to minister to every area of our particular needs. And I agree that there are some specific areas that need ministry but my point is that we want the CHURCH to supply it all. We have a GOD that will supply our EVERY NEED and we need to start learning to go to HIM first and foremost and develop the relationship with HIM one on one.
See for me singleness is simple. We were all BORN single. None of us were BORN married. So by and large we dont need people to teach us how to be SINGLE...
What we NEED is deliverance from our mindsets and belief systems
What we NEED is deliverance from our past sexual encounters and appettites and the SOUL TIES that developed through those encouters.
What we NEED is to learn how to be CONTENT no matter what state we are in.
What we NEED is to be healed from the disappointments, hurts and abuse from our past.
What we NEED is to be delivered from our false images. identities AND idols.
What we NEED to do is learn exactly WHO we are in CHRIST and WHO HE is in US...
That would handle the majority of single saints in any age group.
NOW then there are those who have been married who are now either divorced or widowed and have the challenge of learning to master their needs and desires as well as their new found singleness. That requires different teaching. There might be some grieving that needs to be dealt with. There moght be some forgiveness that needs to be dealt with etc etc...
But the reality is that we need to start to learn to go to the SOURCE who is JESUS for these needs and allow HIM to work in and through us.
When the Lord spoke to me about marriage I was honest and told Him I dont know anything about marriage the way you talk about marriage. I told Him, Husbands Love your wives and Christ loved the church.. I dont know what that means.. I said what I know is how to manipulate emotions and how to use sec to get what I want.. thats what I know coming out of the world...
He said.. OK.. go study my Son Jesus. And study HOW He loved the church... that took a while..
Later He said ok.. what is marriage.. I said well I know that Marriage is a covenant.. He said GOOD.. now go study what a Covenant is...
Now I am not saying I didnt read any other books or listen to any tapes. What I am saying is that GOD was the main source for my learning.. and thats where I believe we as the saints miss out.
We need to stop treating singleness as a curse and enjoy it..
We need to learn to be CONTENT no matter what state we are in...
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Post by nina2 on May 26, 2009 11:05:51 GMT -5
Yes, and most of what you say needs/has to be said consistently. But, Giants, you know and I know (and others, of course!) that when we start to talk using words like "learning" and "develop", it translates into what? It takes time! And it does, there is absolutely nothing that can change that. Certainly, God is more than able to give us revelation in many ways and different areas in a more "instant" way, but it does not void the fact that if will take time and - in my humble opinion - it's the factor that most would like to take out of the process. And, if willing to go along and accept that, yes, chances are it won't be overnight, then the question becomes "how long?" Well, how long is long? how long is too long? The bottom line is that, in the mean time, there are things to do, a life to live, places to go, people to meet, character to develop, purpose to be defined and refined so, lessons to learn and/or re-learn, and that time does not go by in vain... As the writers say "Who is rich? He who is happy with his portion." And if only we (general) could stop translating "rich" with what translates as material belonging, and consider other riches in our life that God showers on us daily, freely, then maybe time won't matter as much?? Just my two cents..  |
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