Tired of Wearing the Pants

[Nikkol]

I saw this letter for today and I was just wondering what you (general) thought. I'm shocked by what she was requesting....seemed moreso like it was something that she heard from someone else and it filled her head and therefore messed up the relationship........

Side Note: Did you think I was talking about myself at first? (LOL)[/i]


Date: 07/24/2009
Subject: Tired of Wearing the Pants After 28 Years of Marriage

Hi steve harvey and crew, good morning all, i want a solution to my problem. I have been married for 28 years and for the last 10 years or so my feelings have gone from in love to just love. I have been the largest bread winner, the one that have always did all the important things in the marriage, my husband is not as educated as i am so of course i make more money. It's just that i have gotten to the point now that i want to be taken care of and not worry about the rent or mortgage or things of that nature. I want the rest of my days here on earth to be filled with worry free days. I want a man that pays the bills and takes charge as head of the household. My husband pays what he can, dont get me wrong and he's a good man. Our 4 sons are all grown, i had 2 sons before we were married and he raised them as his own. But now i dont want to be married anymore and i want to be free. I love living alone, worry free. Do you think i am wrong for feeling tired of worrying about things the man of the house should be taking charge of. And yes steve i knew he wasnt as educated as i was before i married him but that doesnt mean the man cant take care of keeping a roof over his family's head. I just want a man that can do just that one thing for me and i will do the rest, that's all i am asking. I have told my husband this but he thinks it's a joke. I am dead serious and i am on the brink of filing for a divorce. I cant talk to him about things i read because he wouldnt understand and i miss having a good conversation with someone who reads and listens to the news or someone who reads period. Plus i miss the romance part of a relationship. I dont like the 1 minute sessions that's been going on for years. So you see there is a lot i have been missing in years from my husband. What should i do? Signed, desperate ps i have brought up the subject of him taking classes to read and get his GED and he thought that was the biggest joke of all. He is ashamed and dont want people to know that he cant read that good or do school work.

[Poetricia (G.A.P.)]

back in the day men worked 2 and 3 jobs to make up for that large salary they couldn't make because of lack of education, or moreso back then, lack of equal opportunities due to jim crow, WHERE ARE THOSE MEN NOW!!!!??

this is why i have no pity for men like the one described here who may not have an education. THAT'S NO EXCUSE!!!!!


p.s. no nikkol, i did not think it was you, i thought she must have a good topic for us to talk about from another board!!!

[Nikkol]

But should we based if a person is "the pants wearer" on how much money they make?

This is what I thought when i read this:

I'm going to break the letter down the way I see it...... I thought it would be a way to see how I'm thinking and maybe based on that you can show me what you're (general) are thinking. (this may also help to see how I read what ppl say in their posts).

Hi steve harvey and crew, good morning all, i want a solution to my problem. I have been married for 28 years and for the last 10 years or so my feelings have gone from in love to just love.

The first problem is that if you have been married for 28 years and for that many years you just "love" I think that's a problem with her. This is why it's important not to base things on a "feeling" because there will be days where I may love and others where I'm just like "whatever"

I have been the largest bread winner, the one that have always did all the important things in the marriage, my husband is not as educated as i am so of course i make more money.

She indicates a few words that stand out "LARGEST" and "ALWAYS DID ALL THE IMPORTANT THINGS". She also says that "of course" she makes more money because she's more educated. It would appear that she's putting him down based on her better education and making more money.

It's just that i have gotten to the point now that i want to be taken care of and not worry about the rent or mortgage or things of that nature. I want the rest of my days here on earth to be filled with worry free days. I want a man that pays the bills and takes charge as head of the household.

She went on to say that now she wants to be taken care of; ie equating making more money (which is what it appears she wants him to do) to having worry free days. It also appears that she equates making more money as who is in charge.

My husband pays what he can, dont get me wrong and he's a good man. Our 4 sons are all grown, i had 2 sons before we were married and he raised them as his own. But now i dont want to be married anymore and i want to be free. I love living alone, worry free.

She then says he's a good man and even raised 2 kids that weren't his....the weird thing is not she equates living alone as being free......but living alone wouldn't change the fact that she has bills and would STILL have to pay for things.

Do you think i am wrong for feeling tired of worrying about things the man of the house should be taking charge of. And yes steve i knew he wasnt as educated as i was before i married him but that doesnt mean the man cant take care of keeping a roof over his family's head. I just want a man that can do just that one thing for me and i will do the rest, that's all i am asking.

So she is equating 28 years of marriage to him being able to pay the mortgage? There has to be more to the story...... and if she's as educated and is making money "like that", she has GOT to have ppl in her ear telling her that it doesn't look good, etc. It's like that movie "Daddies Little girls". Her friends were telling her that it didn't look good, etc. to be with a person like "him". I wouldn't be surprised if that's what she's dealing with now; esp. since you KNEW this stuff BEFORE you got married, TWENTY-EIGHT years ago.

I have told my husband this but he thinks it's a joke. I am dead serious and i am on the brink of filing for a divorce. I cant talk to him about things i read because he wouldnt understand and i miss having a good conversation with someone who reads and listens to the news or someone who reads period.

Who has she been talking to these 28 years? If she is "missing good conversation, did this come from her husband or someone "else"? And if nothing else, Why did you get married to him in the first place?

Plus i miss the romance part of a relationship. I dont like the 1 minute sessions that's been going on for years. So you see there is a lot i have been missing in years from my husband. What should i do? Signed, desperate

If she acts around him the way it would appear in her letter, he may be dealing with a lot as well.

ps i have brought up the subject of him taking classes to read and get his GED and he thought that was the biggest joke of all. He is ashamed and dont want people to know that he cant read that good or do school work.

And this makes sense because men don't usually want ppl to look down on them (any more than ppl already do) and it appears that he does have a job and helped to raise 4 sons..... I see it as possibly someone else in the picture, ppl talking in her ear, or maybe she's tired of being "bossy".......but now she wants to rewrite the last 10 years but even moreso the 28years and try again......

It would be one thing if he wasn't helping at all with the kids, didn't have a job, etc. But it appears that he's doing the best he can....which all of a sudden isn't good enough for her...... it would appear that she has changed; not him.

[anointedteacher]

She probably has a jealous friend who unhappy in her relationship, and causing discord in her...

This woman need to be happy with what she has and fall back in love. The next man may be educated, financial independent, and very romanced, but a complete selffish jerk.

[giantsdodie]

Jul 24, 2009 11:27:01 GMT -5 Poetricia (G.A.P.) said:

back in the day men worked 2 and 3 jobs to make up for that large salary they couldn't make because of lack of education, or moreso back then, lack of equal opportunities due to jim crow, WHERE ARE THOSE MEN NOW!!!!??

Many are dead because of exhaustion... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[stillfocused]

Maybe she needs to step back and remember why she fell in love with him in the first place. As she allows him to the husband that he has not been given the opportunity to be and stops deceiving herself that she can do better without him.

[Nikkol]

Jul 24, 2009 18:30:17 GMT -5 giantsdodie said:

Jul 24, 2009 11:27:01 GMT -5 Poetricia (G.A.P.) said:

back in the day men worked 2 and 3 jobs to make up for that large salary they couldn't make because of lack of education, or moreso back then, lack of equal opportunities due to jim crow, WHERE ARE THOSE MEN NOW!!!!??

Many are dead because of exhaustion... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

LOL