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Post by Nikkol on Oct 6, 2009 14:41:36 GMT -5
Subject: Guilt tripped friend
I have a friend who is 33 years old. He has no job no get up and no goals in life and he also has a really bad hygiene problem. I mean its really bad we almost got kicked out of a cab one time because of the way he smelled. When I or any of our other friends try to bring this to his attention he gets all defensive and says i do take baths and brush my teeth when we know he doesnt, anywho here is the real problem recently one of our mutual friends just moved into a new apartment and there are really strict rules and she cant have anybody living with her or staying with her past 3 days or she can get kicked out. So our friend(the 33 yr old) has no where to go because his family wants nothing to do with him and he has no other friends. Well he asked me could he stay with me for just one month, now the problem is i dont have a problem with helping anyone but i am very clean person and honestly I dont think i can handle his smell for a month and another problem is i am a 22 year old and i think if i can get up do something for my life then he should be a grown man and do the same. I feel bad and guilty but I just dont think I can do it. Do you think I am being a terrible friend? Please HELP!
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Post by krazeeboi on Oct 6, 2009 18:36:12 GMT -5
How did this person wind up being friends with such a person in the first place?
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Post by Nikkol on Oct 7, 2009 6:49:48 GMT -5
I have no idea....maybe they weren't always smelly.......maybe they tried to overlook it? I don't know....
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Post by Rachel2 on Oct 7, 2009 12:47:57 GMT -5
Unless this person is mentally or physically imparied in some way, it sounds like you need to show your friend some "tough love". AND even if he is impaired in some way, there are many programs that he could qualify to receive benefits. Obviously, he has become accustom to the people in his life providing for him, i.e. shelter, food, clothing, etc. If his own family has disengaged him that means he has sucked them dry and they finally woke up to the fact that he is never going to do better. When we "continuously help" people and see that they are making no effort to help themselves, we are actually enabling them to forever depend on someone else to meet the needs in their life.
There is a saying "If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teach the man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime". As you stated, you are younger but you manage to keep a job and an apartment. We should never work harder than the people we are trying to help.
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Post by anointedteacher on Oct 7, 2009 13:27:23 GMT -5
Sound like the 33 years old man going through deep depression, he need some help... It probably caused by some form of chemical imbalance which explain the body odor and lack of ability to function... The person should direct him to get help at a clinic.... Ppl like him can't even function on a regular job...
He/she should take on false condemnation and responsibilities that don't belong to him/her.
I have taken in a lady with two young kids... she had no where to go and only receiving 250/month welfare and 300+ foodstamp. She was married and her husband was in jail. She have went from house to house, of ppl in the church. I felt sorry for her and took her in. All she wanted to do is sleep all day long... She didn't even get up to walk her 9 year old daughter to school... She made her daughter bathe her 2 year old son.... That little girl was a slave to her. She didn't believe in hanging her clothes up in the closet, they are flown on the closet floor clean mixed with the dirty clothes... I only had a one bedroom and they slept in the livingroom on a pull out sofa... I had to make her fold the sofa and clean up after her children. I told her about a program that will put her baby in a free daycare and daughter into afterschool care while she do some no the job training and she wouldn't go... getting her hair braid was more important... so I gave her 2 weeks to more out into a shelter....
I realized this lady was really running from her husband who was due to come out of jail.... He was very abusive and voilent... She was also extremely depress.... She is a very gifted writer and sing very well... but came from a family with a history of welfare, laziness, hopelessness etc. Her brother was an elder in the church and he had to broke from the familt to get his life together... He had a history of drug abuse, but God saved him and he went back to school, and got a degree... Their family live in the poorest area of Miami... where there in an ongonig shoot out... that why she refused to go back to her family, too dangerous for her kids. She saved and a very sweet person, but her lifestyle got to go...
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Post by stillfocused on Oct 8, 2009 22:50:43 GMT -5
Wow!! I have found out those who are depressed do odd things. It's almost like a cloud of hopelessness is over them. May someone can find someone to talk to this brother that he trusts and won't get offended by them talking to him.
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