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Post by Beulah5 on Aug 30, 2007 14:18:21 GMT -5
I also have never been sure about all this marriage fiasco Krazeeboi but then again i have always held to the belief that marriage is not for everyone. I know that the Lord said that man shd not be alone however i also believe that not every christian has to get married and have a family. I know there is great blessing in marriage but there are many miserable ones out there as well just as in singleness and i believe the lord allows us to see that so that we know that Jesus is the only one that can truly meet man's need, not our spouses not our ministries, not our jobs but Christ and Him alone. Jesus exemplified this when He said to the samaritan woman that: This water that i give you will cause u never to thirst again....... and while we are on this subject it is astounding to lil ole me how many people believe that marriage or relationships are about them and their needs. What about getting so filled up with the river of God that wherever u go bless bless. If i ever get married my vision is to bring every spiritual blessing to the man and to pour into his life, his family and wherever God takes us. It is amazing how many women and men want their needs met and have their lists but it never occurs to them that they need to start off with the mindset of Christ Jesus and empty themselves out for others-can u imagine what would happen in churches, marriages and relationships if people GOT OVER THEMSELVES? Feel free to throw rocks at me but most of the problems in the church and in our lives is due to selfishness-me, me, me me and that is why so many people are unfulfilled. If u dont believe me James will back me up that where there is strife and contentions there is rank carnality (i am preaching to myself here). Maybe wives need to stop pointing at their husbands and check themselves, and husbands need to stop pointing at their wives and members need to stop pointing at their pastors and let us become a solution oriented people. If ur marriage or anything is in trouble- what can U DO. Before u go painting ur spouse and everyone with mud WHAT ARE U DOING ABOUT UR PART IN THE SITUATION?  The Bible says that who go thru the valley of Baca make it a well spring of living water. If Christ is living inside of us there is no situation that WE get into that cannot have a turnaround even if it is a challenge at times the Christ within is a PREVAILING CHRIST. Peace  |
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Post by Beulah5 on Aug 30, 2007 14:28:05 GMT -5
Psa 84:1 ¶ [[To the chief Musician upon Gittith, A Psalm for the sons of Korah.]] How amiable [are] thy tabernacles, O LORD of hosts!
Psa 84:2 My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the LORD: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.
Psa 84:3 Yea, the sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, [even] thine altars, O LORD of hosts, my King, and my God.
Psa 84:4 Blessed [are] they that dwell in thy house: they will be still praising thee. Selah.
Psa 84:5 Blessed [is] the man whose strength [is] in thee; in whose heart [are] the ways [of them].
Psa 84:6 [Who] passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools.
Psa 84:7 They go from strength to strength, [every one of them] in Zion appeareth before God.
Psa 84:8 O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer: give ear, O God of Jacob. Selah.
Psa 84:9 Behold, O God our shield, and look upon the face of thine anointed.
Psa 84:10 For a day in thy courts [is] better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
Psa 84:11 For the LORD God [is] a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good [thing] will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
Psa 84:12 O LORD of hosts, blessed [is] the man that trusteth in thee.
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Post by livinganewlife on Aug 30, 2007 15:22:02 GMT -5
KB, please stay encouraged and i would like to add that all marriages do not go through (major) struggles and the life of marriage is not hard... the bible says that the way of a transgressor is hard...
but the problem yet lies in people marrying and operating out of the will of God...and i am not talking about folks being caught up in the 3rd heavens all the time……the simple things in life is what too many of us take for granted…..
For example you have husbands that will open the doors for the women at work, buy their lunches but won’t help the wife bring in a car load of groceries….or wives who praise their boss’s new tie; laugh at all his jokes but won’t come home from work and ask your husband “how did your day go?â€â€¦.. those are the small steps you can take to ensure a happy marriage……many time people (general) want to pray but don’t want to put any work into our marriages…..
Tell the truth I have been married going on 4 years and I can truly say that it is going good…..my husband and I don’t agree on a lot of things but because we do the simple / small things for each other on a daily basis that so far we have not have any blow ups from underlying problems that have festered and exploded….. ( I hope that I am clear)……many fights and disagreements are about underlying issues that couples don’t want to discuss or speak frank about prior and during marriage…..
Honest for me prior to marriage I had standards and I knew that I wanted to live a certain lifestyle and if my boyfriend or mate couldn’t agree to it I didn’t pressure the issue…..i didn’t get on my knees and fast and pray over every relationship or date that came my way….i trusted God and knew that if the Lord was able to bless me with my own home, nice car and decent job…..i knew my mate was on the way and that he would be appealing to me in the natural as well as the spiritual……
one must develop a relationship with God and with themselves before marrying anyone…..i was older when I married but trust me before marriage the Lord took me on a island adventure a and the only person I had to deal with was ME….
One thing about the story of Adam /Eve is that they were two whole people who came together…..Eve was made complete before she was presented to Adam……
Just keep developing a relationship with God and it will all come together…..
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Post by Rachel2 on Aug 30, 2007 16:49:59 GMT -5
OK, I ain't even gettin' married. Y'all goin' through too much, and I go through enough by myself as it is...why drag somebody else into it? Krazeeboi I'm glad you said it. I was afraid that such sentiments coming from me would not be well received. I agree.....forget marriage ....I can definitely do bad by myself.. BTW..I've already been delivered from an ungodly marriage that I was in before I got saved. So I understand being suicidal and homicidal as well. Not to mention the pain that goes along with it all. But, I must say that marriage on this side seems to be no different. Aside from those who are very visible in ministry suffering terribly in their marriages, my own personal friends (who are saved) are going through in their marriages too. It's a very disheartening situation and entirely too much drama for me. Jesus help y'all.....  |
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Post by anointedteacher on Aug 30, 2007 17:42:54 GMT -5
Krazeeboi, I can relates to how you feel... I am really afraid of getting marry. I seen too many messed up marriage. All three of my college roommates and one of my college friend are divorce. One experienced horrible spouse abuse. When I was younger I backslidden and had a few relationships. I looked back and asked God why I didn't get pregnant, why I didn't have a baby. If I only had one child, he/she would have been an adult now.
Now I came too far to go back into the old life style and to put on the old man. It not worth you salvation, you can't assume you can lay down your salvation for a little preasure to have a child and expect to pick it back up so easy. When I fell back into sexual sin only a few time, I can count on my hand, it was hard to come back to Christ. I walked around in circle for some years before I was able to face God again. The hardest thing for me was to forgive myself.
God always Have a Ram in the Bush... What I learned to do is not to worry about marriage, but to work on my realationship with God.
AT
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Post by giantsdodie on Aug 31, 2007 7:29:53 GMT -5
And this is unfortunately the trap many saints are now fallin into, which is the plan of the enemy. Create Fear so that you are to "afraid" to get marriedm which could alienate you from a part plan of God for your life.
You have to know first and foremost if it is God's will for you to get married. Then you have to know the WHY. You have to understand the purpose for your marriage BEYOND self. How is God going to reveal Himself THROUGH you marriage. What is HIS plan for it.
Those are the things that will help you when the challenges come ( and they WILL come ). But every man aint beatin on his wife and every woman isnt some loudmouth hinderance either.
Thats why I tell the singles in our church. Your responsibility right now is to get to know the Lord and His plan for your life. As you come to know more about that IF marriage is God's plan HE will tell you. Then you are trusting in HIM.
We tend to focus so much more on the negative than we do on the positive. I can tell you about my mom and dad who were married 38 years until my mom died. I watched my father who didnt have a high school diploma or a college degree work two and three jobs to put my mother through college and THEN nursing school so she could have a successful career doing what she loved.
Then I watched my mother encourage my father to go get his high scool diploma and stayed up many night helping jim study for the GED which he passed. Then I wanted her stay up many nights typing up papers he had written as he went to college and graduated Cum Laude.
I watched them sacrifice for one another. I watched the many night my mother prayed and interceded for my dad because she got saved before he did. I watched my dad get saved and then become a productive part of his local church.
I watched my mother raise two children, myself and my sister. My sister is my half sister, my dad had her with another woman when he was around 16-17 years old and my mother NEVER treater her any different from me. She considered my sister her daughter even though she didnt birth her. My mother influenced ger so much that my sister has been a nurse going on 20 years now.
I watched them start a qospel choir and go around signing the praises of the Lord. I watched them help other people in the community and the church ( especially the elderly ).
I watched my dad stay by my mothers side as she fought with pancreatic cancer. I watched my dad be about as broken as I have ever seen him at the funeral. I have seen my dad grow stronger in his faith and his relationship with GOD since my mothers passing. Her committed faith was an inspiration to him to get to know the Lord better.
Ive watched God use them in their church in the ministry of helps so much its not even funny. Prayer vigils, sick and shut in visits, delivering food to those that couldnt get out the house, feeding the homeless, takung care of the elderly. Health care programs. My dad is recently trying to get a " spiritual " library started with all the books my mother left behind.
Did they have problems.. SURE.. Did they have fights.. sure from time to time. The point is their FAITH was in the GOD that was biffer than THEM.
Fear comes when we put more trust in self and people than we place in GOD.
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Post by keita on Aug 31, 2007 7:54:25 GMT -5
Jesus is the only one that can truly meet man's need, not our spouses not our ministries, not our jobs but Christ and Him alone.
Jesus exemplified this when He said to the samaritan woman that: This water that i give you will cause u never to thirst again....... I truly believe that is THE WORD for this time and I deeply appreciate the confirmation it brought me. every man aint beatin on his wife and every woman isnt some loudmouth hinderance either. Yeah, "he" said it!!!! ;D |
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Post by keita on Aug 31, 2007 8:52:41 GMT -5
OK, I ain't even gettin' married. Y'all goin' through too much, and I go through enough by myself as it is...why drag somebody else into it? Bro KB! Don't you DARE leave that sista (who I once heard you describe in detail and vision) hanging, lol! Without a doubt, I believe GOD is going to give you the desires of your heart!  I'm seeing and hearing GOD offering us a lot of corrective and instructional WISDOM regarding marriage and marriages...regardless of our marital status. And I believe He's using the current news incidents/exposures as well as our experiences, discussions, and testimonies to do it. Teaching A Divine Marriage Seminar, so to speak, lol! Maybe I'm seeing it like that because of the student in me so I'll speak to that same thing in you. Don't throw up your hands yet because we're still in the learning curve and GOD is always gonna help anybody who wants it, to get this marriage thing straight. Marriage is the very desire of His heart toward His people. So I have no doubt...GOD's GOT THIS! Btw, your post put me in mind of MT 19:10-12.  |
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Post by krazeeboi on Aug 31, 2007 12:17:27 GMT -5
Thanks for all the encouraging words, and it's good to know that I'm not alone in the way I'm thinking about things these days. One thing is for sure, as you get older you gain more perspective, so I'm not throwing in the towel just yet. Sis. Keita, that passage sure is relevant right about now.  |
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Post by Jasmine on Aug 31, 2007 15:41:00 GMT -5
KB, please stay encouraged and i would like to add that all marriages do not go through (major) struggles and the life of marriage is not hard... the bible says that the way of a transgressor is hard... Yes the bible say the ways of a transgressor is hard, but in retrospect to mariage I disagree, but let me explain why. . Marriage is hard work, You have two people coming together as one. Joined as one. You have to be able to communite with each, you have to learn the ins and outs of your mate, You have to learn to love each other inspite of each others faults. This does not come naturally. Marriage is not 50/50! its 100/100 , and each person must be comitted and willing to give themselves to their partner in order for it to work. I'm sorry but when people marry, they just dont live happily ever after and things just happily work out. Hmm, nope thats not how it works. It takes hard work. Will marriages face Major struggles? Lets just say, whats minor for one, may be major to someone else and vice versa. I could list some things that I consider minor, but to others these things were major enough to cause a gap in the relationship or divorce. There are so many reasons why a marriage could go through and will go through. I believe the number reason is that,..no one is exempt. AS Giants stated, Challenges are sure to come, but there is so much power in a couple that stands in agreement! |
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Post by livinganewlife on Aug 31, 2007 17:19:30 GMT -5
KB, please stay encouraged and i would like to add that all marriages do not go through (major) struggles and the life of marriage is not hard... the bible says that the way of a transgressor is hard... Yes the bible say the ways of a transgressor is hard, but in retrospect to mariage I disagree, but let me explain why. . Marriage is hard work, You have two people coming together as one. Joined as one. You have to be able to communite with each, you have to learn the ins and outs of your mate, You have to learn to love each other inspite of each others faults. This does not come naturally. Marriage is not 50/50! its 100/100 , and each person must be comitted and willing to give themselves to their partner in order for it to work. I'm sorry but when people marry, they just dont live happily ever after and things just happily work out. Hmm, nope thats not how it works. It takes hard work. Will marriages face Major struggles? Lets just say, whats minor for one, may be major to someone else and vice versa. I could list some things that I consider minor, but to others these things were major enough to cause a gap in the relationship or divorce. There are so many reasons why a marriage could go through and will go through. I believe the number reason is that,..no one is exempt. AS Giants stated, Challenges are sure to come, but there is so much power in a couple that stands in agreement! my post was in response to KB post and was given as an encouragement to singles who are now saying that marriage is not appealing....... i dare not say that marriages do not have there challenges no one is exempt from challenges whether married or single.....however i feel that married people need to be truthful to singles and tell the the truth within the right context...... for example my husband has to deal with my moodiness and my attitude during PMS...but guess what my boss also has to deal with my moodiness and pms too..... so is that a struggle of course it is but it is not the end all of all because whether i was married or single i will still suffer from PMS... my point is if you are in a marriage and your spouse is not abusive or cheating on you than no you don't have major struggles.... (well now thinking about it maybe my husband and i don't have any major struggles is becuase we don't have children in the house with us......hmmm i don't know) you suffer from life challenges; that one will have to face whether single or married......because one thing for sure as long as you are living you are growing and with growth comes changes and with changes comes challenges......does that challenge have to be a major struggle only if you allow and don't keep things in perspective..... GDD the testimony about your parents was wonderful thanks for sharing....... |
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Post by Jasmine on Aug 31, 2007 17:46:08 GMT -5
It appears that we both just have a different view of the term major struggles, and I will show where I am coming from.
for example..using PMS...
a wife could say that her moodiness and attitude is based on PMS, but that husband might say or think...she's moody and has an attitude all the time..now is it really pms?
while she may feel it is minor, because she doesn't think she has a disposition as such...but He feels that his wife is moody and attitudish all the time...and to him something is wrong.
he doesn't beat her, hes not cheating on her.. She's just moody and has a attitude all the time, and he's sick of it.
could one see this as a major struggle?
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Post by livinganewlife on Sept 1, 2007 9:41:02 GMT -5
It appears that we both just have a different view of the term major struggles, and I will show where I am coming from. for example..using PMS... a wife could say that her moodiness and attitude is based on PMS, but that husband might say or think...she's moody and has an attitude all the time..now is it really pms? while she may feel it is minor, because she doesn't think she has a disposition as such...but He feels that his wife is moody and attitudish all the time...and to him something is wrong. he doesn't beat her, hes not cheating on her.. She's just moody and has a attitude all the time, and he's sick of it. could one see this as a major struggle? IMO this is where marriages lack because to many times people do not know themselves and are not able to honestly communicate with their spouses........ Again that is why i stated in a earlier post that people should take the time to know themselves and be able to communicate about yourself to your spouse..... of course all of these things don't come over night it comes with growth and maturity....... If one marries at an early age they may not understand these things and that may cause major struggles........... but as you mature one understand that people (especially women) go through hormonal changes that effects their emotions In relationships you have people who struggle with psychological issues because people are dealing with underlying issues of abuse, childhood neglect and just a plethora of problems......but those issues will arise whether you are married or single..... i could go on but lastly i will say that marriage is not for children it takes two mature people to make it work.....a man needs to try and understand women and the things women go through and vice versa (whether married or single).... if you are a single person i would advise you to observe those that are close to you in their day to day interactions and see how they respond.....i know it is different when you live with someone but just start observing the opposite sex and see how they tick..... you will be surprised as to what you may discover........ many issues, challenges or struggles occur in marriages because of underlying issues that have not been dealt with....... (hypothethically) if you are a grown man who does not understand your wifes monthly cycle and the changes she goes through than the truth is marriage may not be for you.......... |
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Post by krazeeboi on Sept 1, 2007 11:34:38 GMT -5
IMO this is where marriages lack because to many times people do not know themselves and are not able to honestly communicate with their spouses........ Again that is why i stated in a earlier post that people should take the time to know themselves and be able to communicate about yourself to your spouse..... Even though I'm not married, I do know that sometimes it takes someone else to point things out about yourself that you yourself just might not be cognizant of. And many of these things someone else can only know after living with that person. |
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Post by anointedteacher on Sept 1, 2007 12:27:02 GMT -5
As Christian.... God will show us our heart and issues, through other ppl. He don't reveal everything at once, little bit at a time through situations, conflicts, and relationship. The problem is that we don't know how to receive what others see in us and we build a wall of offensives. God speak to us during out quiet time with him, and He can show what in us through dream and visions. Any time you have a dream, and there is a person acting a certain way, don't be too quick to point your finger at the individual in your dream, because God is showing you, you. He taking the personality of that person, to reveal what is inside of you. The problem is that we don't want to accept what is being reveal, Pride... is our biggest enemy, don't want to be wrong, don't want to look bad, pretend everything is perfect.
AT
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