Hurtin or Grudgin?How can U tell the difference?

[auneeqsol]

Okay yall,

You know every now and then I pull out somethin in my great big book of thoughts.....LOL

Can you tell the Difference between a person that's truly hurting and one that is just holding a grudge?

I hear so many preachers that go off on saints, (knowing that they were mainly part of the cause of some hurts), preaching and going into a rebuke about them holding grudges and that God is not pleased and they wont get blessed and so forth....

But how can one tell if someone is just genuinely hurting and have a hard time getting over it? Or the fact that they continue to see the same thing that causes the wounds to never heal?
Versus one who is just hatefully holding a grudge against someone and their spirit is bitter about the matter?

I think just because a situation stings a person that doesnt mean that they are holding a grudge. I think they just have to let time heal them in the matter, of course with depending on the Lord for encouragement. I tell you there are all kinds of ways to be hurt out there, but there's nothing like church hurt.

I think ppl get soo torn up over a church hurt because the church is seen as a place to receive healing, deliverance, encouragement, and so forth. It's supposed to be like a hospital, a school, a home to some who have not had the joy of experiencing the love, comfort, and hope they truly needed. Ppl feel as if they are to be embraced within the church and that everyone is supposed to be family, and if there's anywhere you can feel comfortable and safe it should be at church?

So with that in mind can you imagine ( I know some of you can relate close up) how devestating it can be when you are hurt by members/leaders within your church? Can you imagine how your gauge on your trust meter with fluctuate? And not that you wanted it to, it just happened because that's a response to being hurt and disappointed. And I think if we would be more truthful within the local church about hurts , disappointments, heartaches etc, and what caused them... then we would be able to heal faster and trust again sooner.

But I'm rantin on and on........... what do yall think?

[And Such Were Some Of You]

auneeqsol said:

Okay yall,

You know every now and then I pull out somethin in my great big book of thoughts.....LOL

Can you tell the Difference between a person that's truly hurting and one that is just holding a grudge?

I hear so many preachers that go off on saints, (knowing that they were mainly part of the cause of some hurts), preaching and going into a rebuke about them holding grudges and that God is not pleased and they wont get blessed and so forth....

But how can one tell if someone is just genuinely hurting and have a hard time getting over it? Or the fact that they continue to see the same thing that causes the wounds to never heal?
Versus one who is just hatefully holding a grudge against someone and their spirit is bitter about the matter?

I think just because a situation stings a person that doesnt mean that they are holding a grudge. I think they just have to let time heal them in the matter, of course with depending on the Lord for encouragement. I tell you there are all kinds of ways to be hurt out there, but there's nothing like church hurt.

I think ppl get soo torn up over a church hurt because the church is seen as a place to receive healing, deliverance, encouragement, and so forth. It's supposed to be like a hospital, a school, a home to some who have not had the joy of experiencing the love, comfort, and hope they truly needed. Ppl feel as if they are to be embraced within the church and that everyone is supposed to be family, and if there's anywhere you can feel comfortable and safe it should be at church?

So with that in mind can you imagine ( I know some of you can relate close up) how devestating it can be when you are hurt by members/leaders within your church? Can you imagine how your gauge on your trust meter with fluctuate? And not that you wanted it to, it just happened because that's a response to being hurt and disappointed. And I think if we would be more truthful within the local church about hurts , disappointments, heartaches etc, and what caused them... then we would be able to heal faster and trust again sooner.

But I'm rantin on and on........... what do yall think?

Just went through something like this myself.

I think the easiest way to determine one is bitter or healing is how they hadel the offense. The bible instructs us how to handle offenses with our fellow brother and sisters - if after this you are still holding on to the issue then I feel that it would be time to allow the Holy Spirit to continue to show you how to deal with the situation.

Forgiveness is key. If one has truly forgiven someone that means that they no longer hold the offense against the person. You actually release them from the penalty that you feel they deserve as if it had never been comitted.

If you are asking how you determine if someone other than yourself is holding a grudge against someone, I feel that is something that only the Holy Spirit can reveal to you in prayer or after speaking with the person etc. If you are counseling someone in this area then I believe the Holy Spirit will give you the wisdom/discernment of what really is going on.

[stillfocused]

You have made some valid points and I have to agree with what you have said. I have experienced this kind of hurt and yes, I did get the point were I walked away, yet, because the love that Christ had for me it was not a long period of time. And for that I am thankful. For some it a grudge; yet, for many the pain is real. Because they have never received an apology or an acknowlegement from the inflicting party that they had any part of what this now feels. Somehow forgetting the passage of scripture that says if we know that our brother has anything against us to lay our gifts at the altar and go to their brother and be reconciled and then offer your gift. (Matt 5:23-24). And because neither party will seek forgiveness or try to resolve the problem; the wound continues to fester and grow until some cases it can never be resolved. And wounded party gets stuck in the place of that hurt. Wanting to heal is the key to how long you stay in that place and allowing the process to take place takes great trust..not in man; yet, in God. For those who hold the grudge; they don't want to be healed or move on. It's anything goes and alot of excuses as to why they are doing what they are doing..hurting others and using their pain to justify it. And for some no matter who it is because a lack of the work they use the word to justify what they have done, are doing, and won't do.

[stillfocused]

And I agree wholeheartedly that forgiveness is the key..as hard as it can be sometimes.

[And Such Were Some Of You]

stillfocused said:

And I agree wholeheartedly that forgiveness is the key..as hard as it can be sometimes.

AMEN AND AMEN!

[livinganewlife]

stillfocused said:

And I agree wholeheartedly that forgiveness is the key..as hard as it can be sometimes.

I agree too that forgiveness is part of the healing process, but what Still posted earlier hold so true!

Because we are emotional beings and for our sake as it is written in the Word with forgiveness needs to come reconciliation.

I may forgive my brother but unless we have resolved the issues and have both come to an understanding of forgiveness than the Hurt I feel and experience is real and is conjured up every time I THINK about it.

Another thing about forgiving, you can forgive but you don't have to forget...........it is just a matter of how long you replay those actions in your mind.

[Jasmine]

Good response ASWSOY.

auneeqsol,

When people come to church, they are looking for Jesus. I have been hurt in church, but I had to keep my focus on Jesus. I have been bitter, and I have had to go to God many nights in prayer asking that those feelings that I was harboring be removed. I realized that Our Rock and Refuge is Jesus Christ. I know that it is hard but we cannot place our complete trust in man. Man will hurt you. Even unintentionally.

Everyone in the church does not have a relationship with Jesus, so they are going to do things that may offend, or even hurt someone. But those of who are being hurt or offended need to know how to go to Jesus and ask for the hurt to be removed, the heart to be mended, and strength to forgive those who may have done or caused us grief.

I have found out for myself that when we don't forgive, and we see the person who has wronged us shouting and rejoicing and etc. We become bitter. That person may never approach us and say I am sorry, and honestly I wouldn't wait on it, but if God has forgiven them, then we should forgive them because we stifle our own growth. We cause bitterness to set up root.

with bitterness..no one gets in, and saddest of all, you block off yourself from people who need you.

[stillfocused]

Jasmine..that's truth. But, hey while Sis GottaStep is dancing all the church don't think God isn't telling go get thing straight..and she's just dancing, hoping her praise will excuse her from what he has told her to do; tore up and dying on the inside...does not the word say that obedience is better than sacrifrice ?

[auneeqsol]

jasmine said:

Good response ASWSOY.

auneeqsol,

When people come to church, they are looking for Jesus. I have been hurt in church, but I had to keep my focus on Jesus. I have been bitter, and I have had to go to God many nights in prayer asking that those feelings that I was harboring be removed. I realized that Our Rock and Refuge is Jesus Christ. I know that it is hard but we cannot place our complete trust in man. Man will hurt you. Even unintentionally.

Everyone in the church does not have a relationship with Jesus, so they are going to do things that may offend, or even hurt someone. But those of who are being hurt or offended need to know how to go to Jesus and ask for the hurt to be removed, the heart to be mended, and strength to forgive those who may have done or caused us grief.

I have found out for myself that when we don't forgive, and we see the person who has wronged us shouting and rejoicing and etc. We become bitter. That person may never approach us and say I am sorry, and honestly I wouldn't wait on it, but if God has forgiven them, then we should forgive them because we stifle our own growth. We cause bitterness to set up root.

with bitterness..no one gets in, and saddest of all, you block off yourself from people who need you.

True Jasmine,

And you know , I knew someone would bring up the fact of not trusting in man, which is the word all by itself. But...we have to realize that we as brothers and sisters in Christ have to maintain relationships with one another in order for us to fellowship together as a local body of believers. Now when that trust you had in that relationship is broken, you can go on with Jesus , but it will still hurt on the inside that your relationship has been severed, or damaged with your bro/sis. Trust is an important thing in everyday relationships.

Something of this nature recently happened to me. Me and a sister in the church became really close and we were there for one another to pray, fast, encourage, and we sort of became like best friends, her and her husband are Godparents to my oldest children, and she opened up her home (voluntarily when my husband and I were evicted from our apartment yrs ago, and i've been there for her through times when things in her home were'nt good and she almost suffered a nervous breakdown, we have been there for each other even through church hurt we experienced together. There was a season to where the spirit of discord, jealousy, and envy was settling in our church starting with the pastor, and other couples and sisters and brothers, and this sister told her things about me and she would come to me and tell me things about my friend, and had us skeptical in a sense, and then my friend totally just pushed me off, and later we had a big argument, yelled, callled on Jesus....lol rebuked....lol and then we made amends to the present situation, but after that, our friendship was never the same until this day. I still cant bring myself to just call her and chit chat like old times or just enjoy one another, Im not feeling it. Have i forgiven her..yes I just dont know what happened but its not the same anymore. And we had a lot invested in our friendship...I love her dearly, but that connection was sort of broken... It makes me sad to think about it. And to this day she wants it back like it was so bad, but for some reason it wont go back like the way it was. And Im not holding anything against her trust me, it just wont mend back the same way....I dont know what to do, but Im going on with Jesus.....

Whew!!! Sorry for that outburst of story...but I think it was proper concerning this topic.
But Jasmine your latter statement about you not being able to help ppl is true. Actually I did that, and maybe that kind of messed things up too. But i apologized to her and other friends as it was needed, but I sort of find myself being a loner sometimes still. It's like now i see I have to go on, I can't look to others like that or be such a high maintenance friend to be in need like that, cuz you might get the short end of the stick, so now im pretty much into what God is doing in my life and my family, and maybe thats selfish but I dunno, I dont have anything bottled up in my heart like hatred or anything. I do still feel the hurt sometimes tho, I think thats just human.