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Post by nina2 on Apr 11, 2007 3:02:58 GMT -5
Many people today talk about "unconditional love". As Christians parents, we are faced with the same issues regarding our children as non believers. They too love their children.... I was wondering: - As a Christian mom, what would you do ( not react) if your daughter came to you and very plainly told you that she has been sexually active? - How would you feel as a parent? - Would you do the same thing(s) and feel the same way if it was your son? - Do you think that it would affect your relationship with your child, whether daughter or son? Of course, the Dads are more than welcome to answer too!  |
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Post by stillfocused on Apr 11, 2007 18:02:21 GMT -5
Be there and didn't like it all ..you still love them irregardless; yet, make it plain as day that you do not agree with or condone this act. My son was over 16 yrs when he lost his virginity. I sat and got real with him and let him know that truth regarding sex outside of marriage; the consequences, the emotional damages, what can happen when children are conceived out that the marriage boundaries ( he has 2) and he's feeling the consequences of his bad decision; not to get to know the women he chose to sleep with.
son or daughter..you never want them to experience the rejection, the pain, the humiliation, and etc that comes along with becoming sexually active too soon.
It will affect your relationship to a degree; but, you always to gather what God wants you get from the experience; do you tell them the truth of your own promiouscity ? do you share with them the pain of having an abortion ? do you let them of the shame and guilt you felt while you were doing the same thing ?
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Post by nina2 on Apr 12, 2007 2:38:28 GMT -5
I think that you really hit the nail on the head there. It seems to me that often parents make, consciously or not, the choice not to share their own experience(s) in life. Somehow, they choose to slip into that persona when it comes to their children. And I can understand it. But I also believe that there has to be a balance. I made sure to let my children know that I am not perfect When they were growing up, and they started talking about their friends experiences, I made sure to tell them that, even as Christians, we can never say never.... Maybe it's God's way of humbling us.... I don't have all the answers, but I always told my children, from the time that they were very little, that I wanted them to come to me and that they could ask any question, because there was nothing that they could do that could make me stop loving them. They knew it then, and now they are grown, and they still do! I have been investigating and reading a lot lately about the "virginity" and promiscuity issues, and I read from both the secular and the Christian side. Maybe I missed something, but it seems to me that the secular approach gets through the kids more. They don't beat around the bush, they call a cat a cat, they are not judgemental, they just put it out there, and maybe that's why they get more results. The question that I've seen asked the most, by both girls and boys, but mostly girls, is "why should I hold on to my virginity". And, maybe, that's where we (general) miss the coach.... Our kids too have that question, and it is possible that if they asked us, we would not necessarily have the right answer. We use words like chastity, and abstinence, celibacy, and I feel like, to them, no matter how good it sounds - so to speak - it is still an abstraction. As dumb as it may sound, I think that, even though they seem very preoccupied with their body, they still don't know, first and foremost, why they are given a body.... The gap is not bridged for them, between "my body" and "my soul". It's either all physical or all spiritual, and there is a critically, tragically, missing link when we talk or teach about the body. |
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Post by stillfocused on Apr 12, 2007 13:14:58 GMT -5
The funny ..yet, very sad thing is this. The answer is found in the word of God..in I Corinthians 6. Often we tell to stay chaste; yet, we don't tell them why. We don't tell the truth regarding how damaging sex before marriage; can be to their bodies, their minds, and their futures. Not only that is affects everyone and everything around them. I was a teen mother and the things I dealt with before and after birth is something anyone should have to go through young or old. And if no one is honest with them..they will think they are the finest around since "sliced bread". My son and I talk about alot of things; yet, the things that get his goat the most is how young ladies don't care who they lay down with and that it's okay; he just calls it what he sees it as...NASTY !!. We must let them their virginity and choice to refrain from sexual immortialy is a precious gift and no matter how good others make it sound..no one likes a wrapped gift in a pretty box..that has been used over and over again. They must be aware and understand.. especially our daughters that men..young and old !! like a challenge and once they give in before the right time..that the game is over. Because the thrill of the chase is gone and they even it seemed like they wanted the sex; they really wanted to see if they could trust you to say no and mean it. Because of our rules of "dos and don'ts"..no one really took to the time to say this " why" to change the game..
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Post by nina2 on Apr 12, 2007 15:29:25 GMT -5
You know, not too long ago, one of the news headlines in the part of the world where I live was that an 11 years old girl gave birth to a baby.... The "father" is 13.... And, it was not rape...
I know that we can't reach all of them, but somewhere, somehow, something is drastically missing.
I don't believe that young people should wear their virginity like a trophy, or have to behave like they are an endangered species.
If they choose not to be promiscuous, they should know for themselves, in themselves, why they made that choice, and be able to tell anybody who tries to argue or belittle them "you know what? I don't care if you understand or not, I know why, and that's what matters."
Because they should not have to justify themselves for doing what they believe is right.....
It's true anyway that there is nothing new under the sun. The number 1 line for a guy to a girl who was saying no used to be "well, if you loved me..." And it's tempting, even now, not even trying to be funny, to answer "what's love gotta do with it?"
I think that we need to rewind and be the ones to ask the kids that question "why are you holding on to (or not) your virginity?" and see what answers we get. They might surprise us...
And I also think that it's not just teens, but also older ones, men and women wondering about why choosing celibacy and abstinence, because temptation is going to be around, and it can lurk in the most unlikely places. Temptation is where it starts.
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Post by stillfocused on Apr 12, 2007 16:50:00 GMT -5
I can answer one question and this came straight from a young lady's mouth to my son's ear...it's my body !! I agree that they should not showcase it; but, I agree that they should be able to tell someone why they have chosen to refrain. Some of it is temptation and the could may as well be rebellion..and sadly, for some it's a yearning for the attention and touch of anyone who will give it to them. And because many have grown without a father in home or mom was tore up the desire to fulfill that need for acceptance has become a stronghold..
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Post by nina2 on Apr 13, 2007 4:29:40 GMT -5
That's true. And I am not judging, I do love young people, it's just that those issues could, and do sometimes, give a sense of being powerless. I took more than one wrong turn in my life too... What I have seen happening over a number of years, is a lot more than just being a teenager and everything that came with it, that's not new. It's like at some point, young people have started "separating" from adults. Somehow, it's like a society within a society. It's a lot more than having their language, their music, their fashion trends, it's a way of existing not within something, but outside of it. It's a self supporting system and it has become a life support system. And it is encouraged, when it comes to being sexually active, by the fact that, among other things, girls can go without their parents consent and be put on the pill, get treatment for STDs, and even have an abortion without their parents knowledge... Even though, as Christians, we have been talking more openly about a lot of topics, for many they attitude is still "don't ask, don't tell" and that's why we (general) still have a bad case of "boom there it is". That's why I asked the first question, what would you do and then how would you feel. Because, often, how we feel dictates what we do, including in those situations. Another thing is that the ones who do start having sex very young have the attitude of "I'm a woman" or "I'm a man". At 12, 13, 14?  Where does that come from?? Who do they get that notion from? Then, you have the other end of the spectrum, the ones who are young women and men, who did choose to abstain, and also end up wondering why they did, because all the others, who did'nt make that choice, seem to have "all the fun". Like, oh, you're not having sex and all of a sudden you become sister kill joy??? Why did having sex become not just the way of having fun but also the way of defining someone's identity? "It's my body": and the body, too, is a gift, with a reason, a purpose for "being" way higher than just feeling. |
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Where does that come from?? Who do they get that notion from?