Questions to ask before Marriage...

[Poetricia (G.A.P.)]

living, thanks for your post, you said it better than i could today, i'm just not articulate enough today,

btw, lean not to your own understanding is truly saying a mouthful regarding this topic. it's hard not to lean to your own understanding but it is best.

[kitty]

Hey Guys,
I'm starting to get a little confused here...

This post that I orignially started was about questions that should be asked before a person decides to marry... I haven't stated that asking questions should take the place of praying to God... But I'm getting the feeling that some may feel that these questions shouldn't be asked at all...

Am I correct in that assumption?

Could it not be possible for God to reveal His will through your circumstances? Could God not be revealing things through the process of getting to know someone? Through asking them questions?

Are we not forgetting that the MAJORITY of people, Christians do end up married this way? Yes God does indeed directly and without a doubt tell some directly who to marry... And in the case of Hosea it may not seem like a good choice to the human flesh....

But are we forgetting that God's only directions for some in the bible was simply not to marry someone that from a particluar land or not of the faith?

Give a little more feed back guys... I'm not sure I'm clear on what your thoughts are...


Kitty

[Poetricia (G.A.P.)]

Okay let me clarify:

Yes, I absolutely do think questions like these (and others) are very important to ask before marriage.

No I do not think it's wise to be asking some these questions so early in a relationship as you have described you are doing.

Either way, I think that seeking God is still important. Sometimes, when we have sougt God on previous matters and things went awry, we are hesitant to continue seeking him with all our heart. We begin moving in our own power and knowledge and begin making our own choices and we forget that every thing is still subject to God's will and leading.

I believe that is a trick of the enemy to get us to think we don't have to actively seek God's face, that he will just step in and show up in our circumstances with a yay or a nay. The bible is full of countless times when God required mankind to seek him and then he led the way.

So, while he may show up in one's circumstances, I believe that when we neglect to actively seek him, or if we choose to make seeking him second to moving in our own strength and intelligence, and making our own choices, more often than not he will allow certain things to occur to teach us that come what may we have got to trust him and seek him with all our heart no matter what. I learned this (and I am still learning this) the hard way.

Hope this clears up my point of view in my previous posts.


Kitty, since none but God himself knows the MAJORITY of Christians worldwide, none of us can say for certain how the MAJORITY of Christians end up marrying. A more accurate statement would be "the majority of Christians I know end up married this way."

(sorry to be so picky, but you know how I am) ;D

[giantsdodie]

Sept 11, 2008 13:41:01 GMT -5 livinganewlife said:

Sept 11, 2008 10:33:51 GMT -5 kitty said:

Living...

Do you really feel that asking some of these questions is an attempt to interegrat worldy philosophies with the Holy Ghost?

How so? Please explain?


Kitty

Kitty, I am not saying don't be alert, don't pay attention to what your physical ears and eyes see in regard to relationships....

But as saints of God and especially dealing in the area of marriage we (general) do not get it....

I say that not as an attack but as a thought to seriously ponder....as I grow up i realize that God's ways are not our ways and his thoughts and plans are not our thoughts and plans....

And life can not be bottled into this perfect little package... we (general) as believers must determine what God's ultimate will is for our lives and (God) will tell you and give you specifics on how to act accordingly....

I for one didn't believe that God will give you specifics but as I travel this journey of marriage God will (and is the only one) that can give specifics regarding your life and your "covenant" relationship....

I am not trying to bash you (so please don't take it that way as you know I am one of your greatest supporters in the area of marriage); however since you and that gentleman have both agreed to asking each other these questions please don't forget to ask God what is his purpose for you and marriage...

Kitty, the real answer may frighten you....honestly if we (general) look at marriage from God's perspective it is nothing glamorized it is seriously about sacrificing yourself.... Marriage should really imitate your relationship with Christ....

And Kitty I would say the most important questions for believers to ask someone are:

Do you know God's will and purpose for your life? Are you walking in the will God has purposed for you? Are you ready to accept God's will for your life? Is a spouse the will of God for your life? How does a spouse effect the will of God for your life? Has God told you anything regarding your marriage and the reasons why he wants you married?

Seriously these questions will let you know if a person is just full of talk or really seeking God for their lives...and of course expound on the answer because you can't just give yes and no answers on what is God's will for your life.....

Be Blessed Sister and hang on in there!

That part in the red is the part that I think is the MOST important...


Also I believe that it can be a mistake to love life by the

" If its God's will He will tell me yes and if its not He will tell me No " principle...

That opens the door for deception and much heartache.

Kitty the God I know does teach us through circumstances, however I also know that He DECLARES His will. Why

Because circumstances can be deceiving... The reality is that your perception and understanding can be based on Untruths and Half Truths..

Your circumstances could be showing you that everything is perfect and everything is ok and the man answers all the right questions and treats you like a queen but in his heart he could be a child molester waiting to happen...

Your circumstances could tell you everything is going wrong and nothing is working right and it could very well be the will of GOD for you...

This is why the Bible tells us that we must walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT. And as we well know Faith comes by HEARING and HEARING comes by the Word of GOD ( whether the written word or GOD speaking directly to our hearts, dreams, visions or prophetically )

So while I agree GOD does teach through circumstances HIS WILL is DECLARED...

The reasons why most Christians dont get this is because in all honesty MOST Christians do not have a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus Christ.. Most Christians are NOT baptized with the Holy Ghost.. Most Christians are NOT LED and CONTROLLED by the Spirit of God...

Therefore they lean to their own understanding and make up their own criteria for which they are led and GOD is not obligated to flash a giant neon NO NO NO NO sign in front of their faces and many times even if He did they would ignore it anyway to pursue what THEY want.

I dont expect every situation to be like mine. I understand that it wont. God always does the strange and unusual in my life but thats how God flows in my life.

However the principles of seeking GOD's WILL FIRST before we ACT applies to ALL THINGS in life.

We say things like GOD gave us wisdom and intelligence and we are correct in saying that. My intelligence realizes that GOD is smarter than I am and that GOD has more wisdom than I DO and it behooves me greatly to seek HIS WILL in every matter. Then once I receive HIS WILL and HIS direction I utilize first and foremost MY FAITH and my intelligence and wisdom to walk it out.

I say this a lot about marriage and Living pointed it out well.. Marriage is NOT about YOU....

Marriage is sacrifice... Its giving of yourself first and foremost to GOD and then to the other person.

Do you know GOD's will FOR your marriage ?

I tells saints this all the time.. Once the Preacher says I DO.. the WEDDING is OVER !!!!!!

Now the MARRIAGE begins... many saints fall in love with the idea of the wedding ( and evidenced by the amount of DvD's some folks bought.. cough cough.... )

The marriage is going to be challenge.. by the person you are with.. by life's circumstances and by the devil himself...

DO you have the vision of GOD both for your life and for your marriage to WITHSTAND the attacks and the challenges......

The Bible says without a vision the people persish. The word vision often means " a prophetic unveiling of the mind of God "

The church of GOD has a RIDICULOUSLY high divorce rate. Men and women of GOD getting divorced and remarried two and three times.. Just outrageous... Preachers and Bishops Included !!!!

And a lot of this is because we are allowing our circumstances to tell us if something is God rather than to allow GOD to tell us something is God.

[Nikkol]

I think that asking questions is good. However, the truth be told, those things that you may have indicated when you first were engaged/married and how you feel 5 years from then... let alone 5 days may change. Some ppl b4 marriage can say that they don't want children and really be honest in that.... and yet after being married for a while, they want children.

I think another thing is that you can't perse base where you go next in the relationship on the responses. Truth be told, although you (general) may not like the answer given, that doesn't mean that you weren't "meant to be".

I know in a conversation I was having with someone, they were asking if marriage in and of itself is about "happiness" or even "love" as we call it? Or is it specifically ministry based by which 2 ppl work well together (1 can chase 1000; 2 10,000).

Now, I will say for me, based on teaching of being friends (no dating) and when you hear from God, that this is your spouse, it moves from friendship to courting.

But asking questions is nice...but moreso as an "FYI". Because they may give an answer that you (general) don't like and you decide to "cut them off" when in actuality, that was the person for you.

[livinganewlife]

Kitty,

I am not quite sure about the most Christians marry this way comment….

The reason I say this is that most people (especially) women do not tell the truth about their struggles in relationships… and I am going to step out on a limb and say especially “black women” we really don’t tell the truth about how we got to the altar….

Most women I know prayed and labored over their husbands before they got them to that commitment level, especially if they tell you the truth…. I don’t understand why we as women won’t tell the truth to other young ladies when it comes to marriage and how they struggled through the commitment process…. (What I mean by the commitment process is how difficult the struggle was before they got to the altar and how most women prayed and cried before their marriage……)

Most women for the most part want to feel as if this person pursued me all “Hollywood” style and “Hollywood” style is not God’s will or way……

So Kitty to sum it up….yes ask questions but really if you (general) are seeking God than God will give you the answers to your questions before your questions…..Questions are good for conversations but they are not the determining factor and should not be the determining factor for marriage….

You know as I grow in God I am learning this one thing and that is:
My life was guided by prayer but now prayer guides my life…..

[vin]

By all means PRAY, SEEK GOD, HEAR FROM GOD. But guess what?
When we get though getting our answers from God about who we are supposed to marry, we're still gonna have to TALK TO THEM. We're still gonna have to ask them questions. We're not going to automatically know everything about them just because we know God chose us for each other.

I think one of the problems we have as Christians is that when we hide behind our Christianity because of fear, it causes us to sort of live in a fantasy world. Like we think everything will somehow magically work itself out just because God ordained our marriage. You know what the devil has to say to that? SO!? He don't care about God putting you together if you don't have sense enough to know how to stay together.

You still have to know his background. You still want to know about his upbringing. What he learned from his parents about money, spending, parenting, faith. What does he like or dislike in the bedroom. Are you looking forward to something in the bedroom that he thinks is gross, or vice versa?

What do we think? God's gonna give us to somebody and there won't be anything to talk about, disagree about. Talking helps you to understand. It gives you the other person's point of view so that you won't draw the wrong conclusions. It helps you understand why the person believes what they believe, how they came to those conclusions. It's how you learn how to stay married after you swear up and down that God gave you to each other.

Marriages in the church aren't lasting any longer than hollywood marriages, but we have God and He supposedly brought us together. Because we think everything is automatically worked out, we think marriage isn't work. One of the biggest components of a working marriage is communication.

[giantsdodie]

No one is saying that you arent going to discuss things with your betrothed.. obviously you are...

However I believe you need to get to the place where there is a revelation from GOD regarding the person in the first place.

People would be suprised about the things GOD will tell you regarding your spouse in the prayer closet. I knew things about my wife LONG before she actually showed up.

And there were things I learned about her during our courtship.

And there are things I am STILL learning in our marriage.

YET the promary source in knowing about my wife is the ONE WHO CREATED my wife...

I cant even count the number of times during our marriage where God has talked about why she feels or thinks the way she does even when SHE cant express it.

I cant count the number of time GOD has talked to me about my attitude or position was wrong about a thing.

Of course you are going to be challenged in your marriage which is all the more reason why a marriage truly needs a vision from GOD to survive all the challenges..

Cause folks ask all these questions.. do background checks and all that... and the marriage STILL fails..

So definitely talk, listen and share... but you better be checking all that stuff with JESUS as well....

I know two things for sure.. people will tell you what they think they want you to hear.. and people will hear what they want to hear....

JESUS will tell you the truth... whether you want to hear it or not..

[vin]

I do agree with all that but just like we are supposed to check with God about all that someone tells us, we are also supposed to check with the person about what we feel like God said. Like it has been said before, we miss God. Sometimes we are blinded by our emotions. But even God said that we can try Him, we can prove Him. Because He's God enough to back up everything He has said. So try Him. If He told you something about a situation or person, He has no problem with you checking it. If He asks us to prove Him with our money I know He won't have a problem with us proving Him concerning a mate. Is that not what happened in the book of Genesis when Abraham sent the servant to find a wife for his son?

I don't think that anyone should think that even though some of us are talking about asking questions before marriage that it means we override the Holy Ghost. It doesn't mean you start firing off questions back to back, just anything that comes to mind. Because if we add it all up, we pray, some of us even fast, that doesn't stop when God gives us permission to move forward. As we continue to pray and seek God concerning the relationship, the Holy Ghost will guide us.....Like show us a reaction to a certain subject. Letting us know that it's not time to go there yet. Just pray and ask God for more wisdom.

I have no doubt that God will show you things about your mate ahead of time. I know some things about my mate. But there are other things you won't learn until you get into the thick of things with them. God has also shown me that many things won't come up until after we're married. So asking questions and talking about things before hand doesn't mean it won't be needed after the wedding. Some things you'll discover as you're talking. Some may be a response to something that happened to someone else and you wonder why it affected them that way. For everything that God will show you in advance there is something else that can happen as you walk with that person.

We all change. Who I am is NOT who I was last year. And this is exactly why there needs to be continual open conversation and communication. That way maybe we can cut back on so much divorce in Christian homes.

I'm just ready to ask one question.

DO WE THINK IT'S WRONG TO TALK AND ASK QUESTIONS??? Because to me it sounds like some of you guys think it's wrong.

The Holy Ghost will lead us and guide us into all truth, even how to communicate and get to know one another. Do we not think He can guide us through conversations with people, or Let us know when we need to stop or not go so far?

[kitty]

Hey Guys,

You know that I love all of you! You are my brothers and sisters in Christ... And with that... I'm going to state some things here... Honest things... I'm sharing my personal walk as a Christ with all of you in this area of my life.

Why because first I believe that there is wisdom in seeking the counsel of others... But also because I think there has to be some things that we really are honest and come out and discuss as members of the body of Christ.

I'm just being honest with you all... I realize that I have to have some thick skin to share of the things that I'm going to put out there... But nothing will get solved if I don't talk honestly about what I have gone through... Becasue I know many pther are out there as well. Most are just to shy or embarrassed to talk about it.

And with that I'm going to put some stuff out there... But I want to remind you guys to be 2 a few things... Honest, Kind, and realistic....


First off.... When I made the comment about most Christians getting married this way. What I meant to say that most Christians aren't going to be able to honestly tell you that thety distinctly heard from God about who they married. They had to spend time asking questions and observing... Now trust me... I know... I have spent the last few month interviewing several couples that I know have stable marriages and are saved Christians. The majority of them will say that they prayed about it, but the majority don't have a story like Giants... They had to spent time, ask questions, and discern whether or not this way the right person to marry.

Now don't get me wrong... I truly believe that people should seek God's will. Which is why I asked Giants to share his testimony as a part of the couples that I am presenting...

But I would be a liar and completely dishonest to suggest that I believe that God will work with me that way in my life... Why? because for the past 8 years when I decided that I would would simply wait... when I was going by what I "supposedly" was receiving from God about who to marry I came up with completely painfully horrific results...

And as I said before... These are not some men I decided to go out there and name and claim... I won't go into details of the first situation that I called the counterfeit situation... I have spoken about that in plenty of detail already... But this last situation leaves me very numb and clueless what to say happened "spiritually". But the bottm line is this... Clearly this in not a way that God is going to operate in this area of my life...

Yes God has been clear and I have been able to clearly hear and discern Him in other areas of my life and be obedient... But I think it would just be plain stupidity on my part to continue to bang my head up against a brick wall with something that is not WORKING for me...

In fact I would go as far as to say that because I have so desperately wanted God to be the one to choose and decide my husband for me that it erroded my common sense and opened me up to situations where the devil was using my faith AGAINST ME....

I think some of you fail to realized that because I was walking in faith and not by sight that these situations that I am talking about are situations that unfolded over the course of YEARS not months of my life!

I'm just not willing to do that again... About a job sure, about somthing else sure, about a mate... nope. I just don't think that it is wise... Not because God doesn't operate that way... But clearly God isn't operating that way WITH ME! I had to get real and ask myself... Do I want to living a good Christian life? Would I like to be married? Do I want to be married to a good Christian husband? And most importantly I had to ask myself this question... Did I think there was only ONE way that God can and does accomplish this in people's lives? NO I don't... So again... Thes question aren't in the place of seeking God... It is simply acknowledging that God doesn't NOT tell us everything.

Living... I agree with you... Many people aren't honest about what goes on in their personal lives about what lead them down to the alter... Heck half of the people had sex before marriage!

I still get people that pull me over to the side and tell me that I can't get a man without sleeping with him first!!! The guy I am dating told me that when he recently shared with a close friend of his (that happened to be a deacon of a church) that he was saved and dedicated to living his life right, that the first thing that happened was that his friend's wife pulled him in a corner and told him... " Don't be doing none of that no sex before marriage deal... You be sure to test drive!"

SAD WHEN WEGOT EVEN THE WIVES OF DEACONS SAYING THIS MESS!

Worse... a Christian man that I am seeing... who is commited to doing things the right way, yet struggling and needing support is getting this kind of advice from WOMEN in the church!

If we weren't committed to discussing things openly and placing our cards on the table... I may not have even known that mess was being said to him... He told me was completely surprised that he was told this... and from the wife of a man he was admiring and looking toward as a example...

Oh well....

Moving on.... My point in sharing that was this... between people givng out information and guidance that is clearly wrong and goes against the bible.... and the others receiving the idea that to really receive a good marriage God must be directly telling you or else it ain't God... It is a wonder that well meaning Christians make it down to the alter at all...

Which leads me to something else that I discussed with this guy.... He stated... that he thought it was important to know the person that you with... impotant to know who they are in order to protect the relationship... at first I didn't immediately grasp what he was talking about but then I found that I truly agree... Because so many people will come at you in and out of the church that you got to have a clear idea of who you are dealing other wise people will lead you down the wrong path... Again... The only way to do this is to ask questions...

I'll come back and share with you what I mean by that later....

Kitty

[Poetricia (G.A.P.)]

Sept 15, 2008 23:05:32 GMT -5 kitty said:

But I would be a liar and completely dishonest to suggest that I believe that God will work with me that way in my life... Why? because for the past 8 years when I decided that I would would simply wait... when I was going by what I "supposedly" was receiving from God about who to marry I came up with completely painfully horrific results...

And as I said before... These are not some men I decided to go out there and name and claim... I won't go into details of the first situation that I called the counterfeit situation... I have spoken about that in plenty of detail already... But this last situation leaves me very numb and clueless what to say happened "spiritually". But the bottm line is this... Clearly this in not a way that God is going to operate in this area of my life...

Yes God has been clear and I have been able to clearly hear and discern Him in other areas of my life and be obedient... But I think it would just be plain stupidity on my part to continue to bang my head up against a brick wall with something that is not WORKING for me...

In fact I would go as far as to say that because I have so desperately wanted God to be the one to choose and decide my husband for me that it erroded my common sense and opened me up to situations where the devil was using my faith AGAINST ME....

I think some of you fail to realized that because I was walking in faith and not by sight that these situations that I am talking about are situations that unfolded over the course of YEARS not months of my life!

I'm just not willing to do that again... About a job sure, about somthing else sure, about a mate... nope. I just don't think that it is wise... Not because God doesn't operate that way... But clearly God isn't operating that way WITH ME! I had to get real and ask myself... Do I want to living a good Christian life? Would I like to be married? Do I want to be married to a good Christian husband? And most importantly I had to ask myself this question... Did I think there was only ONE way that God can and does accomplish this in people's lives? NO I don't... So again... Thes question aren't in the place of seeking God... It is simply acknowledging that God doesn't NOT tell us everything.

Now, kitty, the above quote, this portion of your last post is the crux of what I want to respond to because I fear that you are still hurting about this and I worry about you dating again before being completely healed from all of the above. ( I worry because I care and I care because you are my friend and Sister in Christ)

I worry if you've really sought God about WHY you went through all that, what was the lesson in all that God allowed to happen in the above quote. I do not believe you went through all that just so you could come to the conclusion that for you God will not answer in a particular way concerning a mate. It has to be deeper than that.

But until you find for yourself WHY God allowed all that to happen, what did HE hope for you to gain, to learn about Him AND about yourself, it's very possible that you will get the same test again and again. I know I did until I understood what God was trying to show me. And THAT is also another reason why I caution some of the intimate questions so early in your new dating relationhip.

I will send you a pm/email with greater detail.

Much love,
GAP/Pat

[giantsdodie]

My one prayer for the saints is this.

PRAY... get a vision from GOD for your LIFE and for your marriage before you start asking questions and investigating individuals.

and second....

HAVE FAITH IN GOD....

Each and every one of us will have a place in our lives where we are challenged tremendously in our faith. Where we are vulnerable and YES even where we might suffer some hurt. YET through all that we have to TRUST GOD...

I believe what GAP said was very true. You need to understand the WHY....

In my situation I understood the why.. I asked GOD why.. and HE told me why CLEARLY...

I was engaged before to a woman. God had spoken to her, God had spoken to me. He confirmed it through several sources including my former pastors, my mother, and a good friend who is also a prophet of God.. now keep in mind God told BOTH of us first...

Now that being said we were engaged for about a year when she began to have doubts... God re assured her. In fact two days before I met her pastor in prayer GOD told me and I quite " As I am here talking with you I am talking with him ( her pastor ) and he will KNOW you are my choice for her life "

When I met this man and we talked he spoke things about me that there was NO WAY he could have know unless he talked to GOD about it. These things should have been enough to solidify her faith...

Yet it wasnt. It got to the point where GOD HIMSELF told her ( which she told me GOD said ).. "This man is my choice for you.. If you mess it up.. anyone else you get will be YOUR CHOICE and not MINE"

You would think that would have been enough. Yet it wasnt Why because this person allowed FEAR and the voices of others to dissuade her from what GOD HIMSELF was showing her and telling her all along.

Now we had some specific instructions that GOD gave us to follow.. It got to the point where she refused to follow God's instructions regardingf our marriage... I told her " "ow wait. This is what GOD told us to do.." She said I am NOT doing that...

Then God challenged me.. what are YOU going to do.. are you going to do what I told you to do or do what she wants you to do ?

AT that point I realized she had to go.. because now it was a test of whose will was greater in my life.. Hers or God's... so I ended the relationship....

I refuse to even allow the promises of GOD in my life to be greater that GOD in my life....

NOW I was hurting after that... and I didnt understand WHY God allowed me to go through it even when He knew she wouldnt... In fact later on two friends of mine i found out GOD had told them the marriage wouldnt happen and GOD told them NOT to tell me, but to pray on my behalf....

Why did God allow all this to happen....

He said Son understand this.. It is MY WILL for you to be married. You cannot accomplish my complete will for your life WITHOUT MARRIAGE ( because part of God's will for my life is at least three children with at least two sons to continue a Godly legacy with my family name )

But understand that my promises are NEVER contingent upon a person.. They are contingent upon ME !!!!

1) First thing GOD said to me concerning the why.....

a) HE said Son you always say Lord if you can use anything you can use me. HE said well I did what you asked. I wanted to use you to be a blessing to this woman and to her family. God said you have NO IDEA the ways I was going to use you. I was going to use you to heal some of the brokeness in her life. I was going to use you to heal the relationship between her and her mother. I was going to use you to help her father become the man of GOD he should be. He said in fact her baby sister is going to go through some tradegy in her life that you would have been INSTRUMENTAL in helping her overcome...

b) He said SON my desire in this whole thing was to teach you BOTH about trust. There were things you were going to have to believe me and trust me for in your marriage and through that I would have taken you both to new levels of faith. I said well LORD now what.. HE said OH you are both still going to learn trust because this is MY WILL...

YOU are learning to trust me right now.. even when yoiur heart is broken, and when you are confused and dont understand.... He said son you trust me with lots of thing... money.. no problem.. your salvation.. no problem.. but will you trust ME with that which is closest to you which is YOUR HEART ?

I said ok what about her.. HE said she is learning the harder trust lesson.. what happens when you DONT TRUST ME....

2) Now this is what GOD said regarding the situation...

HE said son because you obeyed me and you did everything that I told you to do, your labor will NOT be in vain.. HE said I am going to give you DOUBLE for your trouble.. I am going to bless you DOUBLE in your marriage.. I am going to bless you DOUBLE in business and I am going to bless you DOUBLE in your teaching anointing becase you OBEYED ME...

3) GOD said I wanted to see what you would choose.. ME or my promises... which one was greater in your life... He said now I already knew whih you would choose... but YOU NEEDED to make that choice. YOU NEEDED to see which one YOU would choose... GOD said this is one reason I can now open a greater door of blessing an favor in your life because I KNOW and YOU KNOW you will choose ME !!!!

as the scripture says.. His ways are NOT our ways and HIS thoughts are NOT our thoughts...

btw GOD also said.. SON get your heart right.. because the woman I am bringing you if she sees you in your messed up condition.. she will not want you.. God said I will bring you your wife QUICKLY because you obeyed me....

I believe it was three months later GOD revealed my wife to me...

We have been married six years...

and I sought GOD all along the way.. and I asked her specific questions..

However what was FAR more important was the things that GOD said...

There was even a point where my wife was saying she didnt believe that I was God's choice for her...

Now experience would have said.. OK... not this mess again...

But I went BACK to the prayer closet and spoke to the LORD... I said GOD you told me this woman was YOUR perfect choice for me and YOUR perfect will for my life.. You gotta talk to her..

The NEXT DAY.. she calls and apologizes and said she was trippin.. she knows what GOD told her.. the challenge was she was going to have to leave everything she knew to be with me in NYC and she is from Ohio... she was going to have to trust GOD to leave all she knew.. her family.. her church...her job.. her home...etc etc....

Now get this.. to be with a man who had recently LOST his job and was unemployed, didnt have enough money for the wedding bands.. didnt have enough money to evne get to his own wedding in Ohio... didnt have enough money for a honeymoon.... we didnt have enough money for a dress.. cake.. flowers.. NOTHING>>.

She said what are we gonna do.. I said we are gonna have to trust GOD... I told her look.. lets set a wedding date... If we dont set a date we arent activating our faith....

We set a date... She stood up in her home church and announced the date....

IMMEDIATELY a woman stood up and said..

Ill pay for your dress..

Another stood up and said...

Ill pay for your flowers...

Another stood up and said...

Ill pay for your cake.....

She told me and I was like.. WOW>.....

THe LORD said DOESNT MY WORD SAY... Give and it shall be given to you good measure.. pressed down.. shaken together and running over shall MEN give into yiour bosom... I ALREADY had men prepared to give.. You just needed to activate the faith.....

What ws GOD saying...

His LESSON DIDNT CHANGE!!!! HE said I told you the first time you were going to have to trust ME for some things.. and you STILL do... He didnt change his WILL one bit.....

Wow that was long..

Hope that helped ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[livinganewlife]

Sept 15, 2008 21:18:52 GMT -5 vin said:

I'm just ready to ask one question.

DO WE THINK IT'S WRONG TO TALK AND ASK QUESTIONS??? Because to me it sounds like some of you guys think it's wrong.

Vin, if we (general ) on this BB thought it is wrong to ask questions we wouldn't be communicating with each other now....

I don't believe anyone on here has said don't talk, don't ask, don't see and don't hear when you are in a relationship....

The "warning signs" are coming into play because most people can see where most singles will go once all these questions are answered and that is the pit stop many of us are advising against......

Once you (general) has gathered up all this information from your conversations than what.......

* More than likely you are emotionally involved and you are thinking that this person (he / she) is the one because they got all the questions correct or answered them to your requirements.. or on the flip side that person may have said something you didn't like and than let them go....

My questions would be to everyone who is seeking and searching is why not ask God FIRST and than proceed?

If you are asking God first than you want have to go through the deception phase and the counterfeit occurrences that many of us have / is experienced... If God confirmed first that this person is for you than it doesn't matter what the questions look like or don't look like God is going to have the last say so!

[kitty]

Hey Guys,

I truly thank you for the prayers and the concern.... I am clear on some of the reasons that God allowed me to go through some of the things that I have experienced... In the past when I heard of people going through experiences like mine I simply thought that they were causing themselves to "hear what they wanted to hear". In other cases I thought that some of their testimonies weren't true.

I know that God specifically wanted me to go throught my counterfeit situation so that I would know that some prayers are really a form of witch craft... And that the devil really can send some amazing looking stuff one's way...

If I learned anything in this situation that I currently went through then it would have simply been this... That people still have a choice... When I was seeking God about what was going on... one day I asked God to give me a word through the Pastor of my former church that I was visiting one day... The word I received turned out to be right on point... Without knowing anything about me he called me up... told me he had a word for me and stated this, " God said that you are not the one being chosen... But God said He can still do it... He will bless you in your marriage."

Well... what he stated came to pass... a man that claimed to have heard from God in regards to me... A man that God revealed to me in a dream before I ever met him... That was confirmed to me as God's choice through a Rev. I had been calling for prayer who again also knew nothing about me... Decided to choose someone else...

Sooo... Now with the after math I have to ask myself... did I miss God? Did I not ask for correction several times over the years? Yes I did... Were there things that I should have done differently? Absolutely... There were mistakes I made in the relationship. But I made up for those...

But ultimately I say to myself... Ok... now I may not have any idea what lessons God may have been trying to teach the man in question... But I'm left holding the bag in a case whre God chose, the guy chose... But I didn't...

So I'm making a choice now... I'm choosing to be a little more proactive. There were clearly times in the past 2 situations that I would have left things alone and walked. I stayed put out of faith... But now I see that i wouldn't have been wrong to decide to walk.....

I also want to make a statement/ questions to all of you guys...

Are we at the point as Christians that we decide that there is only on way for God to bless us or bring us a mate?

Is it possible that wanting to know before hand could also be a form of wanting to walk by sight and not by faith? I ask this especially in my case because I can say for sure that God plans for me to be married...

Am I not acting in faith by believing that God can reveal this person to me through my circumstances? Yes I completely agree that circumstances can be completely deceiving but in general... a relationship has to work in person on order for you to decide to take it to the point of marriage...

Also consider this... There are people who may have married the wrong person... a person who is a pediphile, murder, etc... Those people may have prayed to God before hand as well... Yet God may have been silent on the matter...

Are we forgetting that we know in part.... God doesn't always tell us all...


Kitty

[livinganewlife]

Sept 16, 2008 11:09:27 GMT -5 kitty said:

Hey Guys,

I truly thank you for the prayers and the concern.... I am clear on some of the reasons that God allowed me to go through some of the things that I have experienced... In the past when I heard of people going through experiences like mine I simply thought that they were causing themselves to "hear what they wanted to hear". In other cases I thought that some of their testimonies weren't true.

I know that God specifically wanted me to go through my counterfeit situation so that I would know that some prayers are really a form of witch craft... And that the devil really can send some amazing looking stuff one's way...

If I learned anything in this situation that I currently went through then it would have simply been this... That people still have a choice... When I was seeking God about what was going on... one day I asked God to give me a word through the Pastor of my former church that I was visiting one day... The word I received turned out to be right on point... Without knowing anything about me he called me up... told me he had a word for me and stated this, " God said that you are not the one being chosen... But God said He can still do it... He will bless you in your marriage."

Well... what he stated came to pass... a man that claimed to have heard from God in regards to me... A man that God revealed to me in a dream before I ever met him... That was confirmed to me as God's choice through a Rev. I had been calling for prayer who again also knew nothing about me... Decided to choose someone else...

Sooo... Now with the after math I have to ask myself... did I miss God? Did I not ask for correction several times over the years? Yes I did... Were there things that I should have done differently? Absolutely... There were mistakes I made in the relationship. But I made up for those...

But ultimately I say to myself... Ok... now I may not have any idea what lessons God may have been trying to teach the man in question... But I'm left holding the bag in a case where God chose, the guy chose... But I didn't...

So I'm making a choice now... I'm choosing to be a little more proactive. There were clearly times in the past 2 situations that I would have left things alone and walked. I stayed put out of faith... But now I see that i wouldn't have been wrong to decide to walk.....

I also want to make a statement/ questions to all of you guys...

Are we at the point as Christians that we decide that there is only on way for God to bless us or bring us a mate?

Is it possible that wanting to know before hand could also be a form of wanting to walk by sight and not by faith? I ask this especially in my case because I can say for sure that God plans for me to be married...

Am I not acting in faith by believing that God can reveal this person to me through my circumstances? Yes I completely agree that circumstances can be completely deceiving but in general... a relationship has to work in person on order for you to decide to take it to the point of marriage...

Also consider this... There are people who may have married the wrong person... a person who is a pediphile, murder, etc... Those people may have prayed to God before hand as well... Yet God may have been silent on the matter...

Are we forgetting that we know in part.... God doesn't always tell us all...


Kitty

Kitty, thanks for your openess....

One thing I strongly believe and that is GOD does tell us in ALL the will He has for our lives......now we may not know the exact path we must take in order to get there but God will tell us in specific details the will he has for our lives....

And Kitty, I actually had to grow to a place where I begin to trust God with everything in my life especially relationships as you know I am a member of the "counterfeit heard from God crew" too....

Honestly when I first read Bro. GDD testimony about his marriage and other testimonies he has shared regarding hearing directly from God it was hard for me to grasp the concept that one could really hear from God regarding specifics down to the minute details..............................until I started hearing and experiencing God for myself and I couldn't believe how the Lord will talk to you...

At first I was afraid and thought that this could not be of God but every night before I went to bed the Lord will talk to me in details about things that was going on with me and with my relationship......

And now when we have a disagreement or there is something about my "hubby" that I don't understand instead of trying to fight it out and struggle it out I seriously pray to God first and he deals with me before we have any further discussions....

As a result my temper is even and in control, and I am much much much more submissive to my husband than ever ever ever before.....and the Lord showed me exactly how to submit to my husband through His Word and speaking directly to my heart..... I didn't read any books on how to submit to your husband the Lord himself showed me how to become a submissive wife...

All I am saying is that in essence you do what the Lord has required of you....but please make sure that you are ultimately seeking Him FIRST!

Be Blessed Sister