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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Jul 18, 2008 9:31:12 GMT -5
^ can you repeat that?
lol j/k
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Post by livinganewlife on Jul 18, 2008 10:39:03 GMT -5
Bro GDD......thanks for breaking that all the way down.............
However, let me throw this out.....
Should the requirements for dating (courting) be different for older mature singles than for younger (less experienced) singles...
I say that because I read in your post that the reason people date is bcuz they are impatient and can't wait....
However for a woman..............waiting at 39 years old is very different than waiting at 19 years old or at 29 years old; if for nothing else biologically it is a totally different wait....
At 39 if you are single with no children you have to face some real facts and that is if you don't hurry up and marry there is a strong possibility that you may never ever bear children..........unless one chooses to be a single parent (and I don't believe too many single saints are willing to be single mothers).........
While I do agree with the assessment your church has and the sound doctrine of that teaching I must say that in theory that all sounds good but practical living is totally different and that's what the church has failed to address....
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 18, 2008 12:23:51 GMT -5
GDD..that is very good. thanks for posting that.
As addressing the very topic of dating I can agree that it is very often neglected and for some overlooked as if there is no need for those us are not married yet, to be encouraged and exhorted as to why to abstain from dating and all it stands for..
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Post by giantsdodie on Jul 18, 2008 13:59:12 GMT -5
No because that sets a double standard in some respects. Age is not the issue or factor here. You could have a younger more mature saint as well as an older immature saint. The other question is who is the judge of the saints maturity? is that left up to the saint themselves? A mature saint will know to seek the Lord for HIS divine will and instructions which I dont believe includes dating.
I also believe the understanding of "courtship" has been twisted. We see it as two people who have an interest in each other spending time to see if marriage will be the eventual result. That is IMO an utter waste of time effort and energy which often leads to hearbreak for one of the individuals which now GOD has to step in and heal. I believe that courthsip is the period when two people are betrothed ( aka engaged ) grow together. Notice the difference is AFTER engagement.
That is only one reason. Other reasons mention were fea, lack of faith, lack of trust in God and more assurance in self.
Here the problem is leaning to one's own understanding. Situations and circumstances should NEVER motivate us. God's Will and His Word should always be out motivation.
Our church has mostly women over 39 some who are waiting patiently and some who have been impatient and made mistakes.
The question is...
Who do you trust More.?
God and HIS ability or you and your ability ??
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 18, 2008 15:00:17 GMT -5
Thanks GDD !! I know many who have made the choose to wait for what the Lord has. Many times we run to do what we think we heard God say and we end up with a bad choice and as you have already stated in need of healing...great post
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Post by leadinglady on Jul 18, 2008 19:59:06 GMT -5
Thanks Giants for the input. We must remember that God is a preserver. Age shouldn't be a factor.. God is in control of time, and He knows our times and seasons. I have a friend who just turned 59. She got married at 55. In total, she waited for 30 years (not saying that would be the testimony of most). She has been married for 4 years, and has received God's best. She was blessed to look young for her age, however, God has even restored her youth even more. You would think that she is the only one in the entire world who has ever gotten married, the way she gushes and carries on! lol. It really is something to behold. While waiting she emerged herself in the things of God. Yes, I'm sure there were times of impatience, longings, frustrations, coupled with tears. But she would be the first to tell sisters, "Wait, I say upon the Lord", and it is indeed worth the wait.
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Post by vindicated on Jul 19, 2008 0:19:42 GMT -5
Interesting article in the latest Ebony by Dr. Ron Elmore on dating. Taking risks, coming out of your comfort zone in order to find your soul mate. Taking chances or putting yourself out there even though there's a chance you might fail. He said in the article that a young woman came to him after a conference and said that she had attended one of his conferences 18 months before. She left saying that she was going to do everything he said in the conference. Within 18 months she met and married the most wonderful man in the universe. He's written three books on dating so far. How to Date a Black Man, How to Date a Black Woman and No Nonsense Dating....for finding your Soulmate...something like that. It's become more amazing to me how in the body of Christ we are all so different when it comes to our beliefs on dating or not to date. Don't ask me why  because the body of Christ is divided down the middle on so many issues. I guess I never would have thought I'd see the day when there would be preachers and pastors who advocate it as much as those who are against it. |
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Post by giantsdodie on Jul 19, 2008 7:44:15 GMT -5
Interesting article in the latest Ebony by Dr. Ron Elmore on dating. Taking risks, coming out of your comfort zone in order to find your soul mate. Taking chances or putting yourself out there even though there's a chance you might fail. He said in the article that a young woman came to him after a conference and said that she had attended one of his conferences 18 months before. She left saying that she was going to do everything he said in the conference. Within 18 months she met and married the most wonderful man in the universe. He's written three books on dating so far. How to Date a Black Man, How to Date a Black Woman and No Nonsense Dating....for finding your Soulmate...something like that. It's become more amazing to me how in the body of Christ we are all so different when it comes to our beliefs on dating or not to date. Don't ask me why because the body of Christ is divided down the middle on so many issues. I guess I never would have thought I'd see the day when there would be preachers and pastors who advocate it as much as those who are against it. Thats part of the problem.. christians are looking for SOUL mates.. They need to be looking for GOD's choice.. not the one that meets the conditions of their SOUL because some of our soul is still marred by the stain of sin AND out own selfishness and sheer stupidity... We shouldnt be looking to be knitted in the Soul realm. We should be looking to be knitted by God in the SPIRIT... |
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Post by anointedteacher on Jul 19, 2008 9:13:14 GMT -5
Interesting article in the latest Ebony by Dr. Ron Elmore on dating. Taking risks, coming out of your comfort zone in order to find your soul mate. Taking chances or putting yourself out there even though there's a chance you might fail. He said in the article that a young woman came to him after a conference and said that she had attended one of his conferences 18 months before. She left saying that she was going to do everything he said in the conference. Within 18 months she met and married the most wonderful man in the universe. He's written three books on dating so far. How to Date a Black Man, How to Date a Black Woman and No Nonsense Dating....for finding your Soulmate...something like that. It's become more amazing to me how in the body of Christ we are all so different when it comes to our beliefs on dating or not to date. Don't ask me why because the body of Christ is divided down the middle on so many issues. I guess I never would have thought I'd see the day when there would be preachers and pastors who advocate it as much as those who are against it. Thats part of the problem.. christians are looking for SOUL mates.. They need to be looking for GOD's choice.. not the one that meets the conditions of their SOUL because some of our soul is still marred by the stain of sin AND out own selfishness and sheer stupidity... We shouldnt be looking to be knitted in the Soul realm. We should be looking to be knitted by God in the SPIRIT... AMEN |
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Post by stillfocused on Jul 20, 2008 18:29:02 GMT -5
Has anyone seen the ad that is over this topic ?!! It's the best ad I have seen yet..and most of it's free !! the site name is plentyoffish.com
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Post by vindicated on Jul 20, 2008 23:02:49 GMT -5
I think if we really dug deep into what people are talking about when they say "soulmate" we'd find that they are saying a lot of the same things we say we should be looking for in a mate. I'm finding that many things we say we disagree on is just a matter of terminology. I believe these people would say with tears in their eyes that God sent this person to them. And if they get divorced, so what? Christians say with tears in their eyes that God brought them together and we're getting divorced as quickly as sinners are.
Whether we agree with it, like it or not, people who don't the Lord and/or who are not waiting on all the things we say we are waiting on are meeting, falling in love with and marrying AND being faithful to people and spending their lives with them. And they are happy. There are people who don't get saved until after they are married and they have great relationships before and after salvation.
I'm not about to go out and starting seeking to date one man after another. But just looking at this subject honestly, even though I don't think dating is wise for me, because of what I've been through and how it affected me, I can't say that I'm totally against it altogether.
And I really think that if there were more active and healthy Single's Ministries who actually went out and did things together as groups(instead of always talking about singleness or how to prepare for marriage) and fellowshipped with other single's ministries there wouldn't be so many of us (singles in general) considering "dating".
It has just started to get on my nerves somewhat. And I've only really been single for just over 8 years. The church is filled with LONELY single people who are always getting accused of being horny when they just want company, conversation, friendship. It's not always about sex. After a while you realize, sex it not even at the top of the list when you think about wanting someone to share your life with.
What if for many singles the internet is just a way to have conversations with the opposite sex without being accused of "being in men's faces" or being horny? I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But I'm a witness that telling people to just get busy working for the Lord and hope it takes their mind off being single never has been or never will be the answer.
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Post by giantsdodie on Jul 21, 2008 10:09:43 GMT -5
Problem number one...
People saying GOD did a thing doesnt necessarily mean GOD actually did it..
Problem number two... Marriage is a about a LOT more than TWO people...
Problem number three... You can me MARRIED and be lonely...
Problem number four.... Sure unsaved people and meet and marry.. but are they affecting destiny and advancing the KINGDOM...
Sanits of God should have a much bigger much better picture of marriage and covenant. Its about a lot more than Im lonely and I need somebody and I wanna have kids before im too old. Those things are a part of marriage but they are not the totality of marriage.
The problem as I see it is that some people see singleness as a blight and something that needs to be gotten rid of. Persoally I enjoyed my singleness. If I told the truth sometimes I actually miss it. Singleness is the perfect time to get close to Jesus, Know Him intimately, learn His plans for your Life, His will for you and then start working it out.
I learned most of what I learned about my wife when I was SINGLE.
I knew how tall she was BEFORE she showed up. I knew how long her hair was BEFORE she showed up. I knew she had long legs for her height. I knew her SPECIFIC ministry anointings BEFORE she showed up . I knew she had an older sister she was very close to BEFORE she showed up.
Whats my point.. The point is that it was in my SINGLENESS that God revealed these things to me. Personally I enjoyed my singleness greatly.
The bibele gives us council on how to treat the opposite sex. It tells men to treat the older women as mothers and the younger women and sisters.
Thats what I instruct the men in our church to do. Treat every woman you meet this way. Do not be alone with women. Watch your conversations with women. DO NOT mislead them or lead them on in anyway.
When my wife showed up at my church for the first time the WOMEN in the church told her, thats a good man there. He is not one of these brothers trying to get all up in a sisters face and he watches over the women of God like a protector.
I believe ESPECIALLY in the black church we need our men to stop acting like they are choosing from a harem, and learn to protect the women of GOD like a man of GOD should, and be about their fathers business.
I like the way the Lord told one of my friends when GOD showed him that one of the members of the ministry team was to be his wife. The Lord told him that it is time to take your relationship level from the brother and sister in Christ level to the husband and wife level.
And he got confirmation from GOD before he did it.
We need to be seeking the LORD about these marriages !!!
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Post by anointedteacher on Jul 21, 2008 12:12:14 GMT -5
Problem number one... People saying GOD did a thing doesnt necessarily mean GOD actually did it.. Problem number two... Marriage is a about a LOT more than TWO people... Problem number three... You can me MARRIED and be lonely... Problem number four.... Sure unsaved people and meet and marry.. but are they affecting destiny and advancing the KINGDOM... Sanits of God should have a much bigger much better picture of marriage and covenant. Its about a lot more than Im lonely and I need somebody and I wanna have kids before im too old. Those things are a part of marriage but they are not the totality of marriage. The problem as I see it is that some people see singleness as a blight and something that needs to be gotten rid of. Persoally I enjoyed my singleness. If I told the truth sometimes I actually miss it. Singleness is the perfect time to get close to Jesus, Know Him intimately, learn His plans for your Life, His will for you and then start working it out. I learned most of what I learned about my wife when I was SINGLE. I knew how tall she was BEFORE she showed up. I knew how long her hair was BEFORE she showed up. I knew she had long legs for her height. I knew her SPECIFIC ministry anointings BEFORE she showed up . I knew she had an older sister she was very close to BEFORE she showed up. Whats my point.. The point is that it was in my SINGLENESS that God revealed these things to me. Personally I enjoyed my singleness greatly. The bibele gives us council on how to treat the opposite sex. It tells men to treat the older women as mothers and the younger women and sisters. Thats what I instruct the men in our church to do. Treat every woman you meet this way. Do not be alone with women. Watch your conversations with women. DO NOT mislead them or lead them on in anyway. When my wife showed up at my church for the first time the WOMEN in the church told her, thats a good man there. He is not one of these brothers trying to get all up in a sisters face and he watches over the women of God like a protector. I believe ESPECIALLY in the black church we need our men to stop acting like they are choosing from a harem, and learn to protect the women of GOD like a man of GOD should, and be about their fathers business. I like the way the Lord told one of my friends when GOD showed him that one of the members of the ministry team was to be his wife. The Lord told him that it is time to take your relationship level from the brother and sister in Christ level to the husband and wife level. And he got confirmation from GOD before he did it. We need to be seeking the LORD about these marriages !!! Well, Giant... when are you going to take you knowledge and wisdom of God outside the four walls of your church and on this board to the Body of Christ. There are many men and women of God that need to sit at your foot to here and receive the wisdom you are giving on this board... I know we have hit head to head in the past and you have a problem with me, but I still and always believe you are a man of God and have a lot to offer to the Body of Christ.... Keep up with the prophetic wisdom.... that's what I call it... God Bless |
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Post by kitty on Jul 21, 2008 13:24:14 GMT -5
hey Guys,
I just want to say that I do believe that there is a difference in having a "soul mate" and in God's choice. I used to believe that they were really the same thing but they are not.
I guess I can say that they reason that I know the difference because my soul mate and God's choice are really quite different people. They are differnt mental, physically and spiritually... But guess which one i intially wanted more? If you guess soul mate then you guessed right... It is true... that person appealed to my flesh more. And when I say flesh I don't simply mean lust... But it was an lust issue as well.
I can see why many people can meet a soul mate and think they have found God's choice... Both aren't your every day experiences... But the one major factor I have seen is this... God's choice will most defnitely bring you closer to God. The other will draw you away in ways I can hardly describe... One will line up with God's word... the other will just have a lot of signs and wonders and hoopla...
And also Giants... Big brother I want you to know that all you have shared repeatedly on this board and JBM has not been lost. There have been things that you have been saying for years that i am just now really getting...
It's not that I disagreed with it at all... I just didn't "see it". But now these are some of the same issues that I believe God is dealing with me on... You are absolutely right when you say that marriage isn't just about the 2 individuals... it is about God, it is about ministry... it is about so much more... Not just what we want.
I think the reason so many of us miss it is because we don't realize that ain't nuthin free except salavation! We want God to bless us with a mate but there is some serious responisbility to that. ESPECIALLY if we want God to be the one doing the choosing... That means we have a marriage that is dedicated to God, that is representing God, run by God, promoting God and most of us aren't doing that much on a good day! I'm just speaking for myself guys! Seriously... God started making me aware of the "cost" of what I have been asking Him to do in my life. I always thought the "cost" was simply living a good life, not having sex out side of marriage, going to church every Sunday... reading my bible. And yes that part of it... But for many of us... If we want God to bless us then that's just the TIP of the iceburg! LOL
What I realize now it this... God is really gentle with us when He doesn't answer some of our prayers... He's even gentle with us when he decides not to step in and let us make our own foolish choices... Because once he does step in... we have to step up to the plate in a bigger way than we realize.
Just my thoughts,
Kitty
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Post by giantsdodie on Jul 21, 2008 13:47:00 GMT -5
Problem number one... People saying GOD did a thing doesnt necessarily mean GOD actually did it.. Problem number two... Marriage is a about a LOT more than TWO people... Problem number three... You can me MARRIED and be lonely... Problem number four.... Sure unsaved people and meet and marry.. but are they affecting destiny and advancing the KINGDOM... Sanits of God should have a much bigger much better picture of marriage and covenant. Its about a lot more than Im lonely and I need somebody and I wanna have kids before im too old. Those things are a part of marriage but they are not the totality of marriage. The problem as I see it is that some people see singleness as a blight and something that needs to be gotten rid of. Persoally I enjoyed my singleness. If I told the truth sometimes I actually miss it. Singleness is the perfect time to get close to Jesus, Know Him intimately, learn His plans for your Life, His will for you and then start working it out. I learned most of what I learned about my wife when I was SINGLE. I knew how tall she was BEFORE she showed up. I knew how long her hair was BEFORE she showed up. I knew she had long legs for her height. I knew her SPECIFIC ministry anointings BEFORE she showed up . I knew she had an older sister she was very close to BEFORE she showed up. Whats my point.. The point is that it was in my SINGLENESS that God revealed these things to me. Personally I enjoyed my singleness greatly. The bibele gives us council on how to treat the opposite sex. It tells men to treat the older women as mothers and the younger women and sisters. Thats what I instruct the men in our church to do. Treat every woman you meet this way. Do not be alone with women. Watch your conversations with women. DO NOT mislead them or lead them on in anyway. When my wife showed up at my church for the first time the WOMEN in the church told her, thats a good man there. He is not one of these brothers trying to get all up in a sisters face and he watches over the women of God like a protector. I believe ESPECIALLY in the black church we need our men to stop acting like they are choosing from a harem, and learn to protect the women of GOD like a man of GOD should, and be about their fathers business. I like the way the Lord told one of my friends when GOD showed him that one of the members of the ministry team was to be his wife. The Lord told him that it is time to take your relationship level from the brother and sister in Christ level to the husband and wife level. And he got confirmation from GOD before he did it. We need to be seeking the LORD about these marriages !!! Well, Giant... when are you going to take you knowledge and wisdom of God outside the four walls of your church and on this board to the Body of Christ. There are many men and women of God that need to sit at your foot to here and receive the wisdom you are giving on this board... I know we have hit head to head in the past and you have a problem with me, but I still and always believe you are a man of God and have a lot to offer to the Body of Christ.... Keep up with the prophetic wisdom.... that's what I call it... God Bless When God gives me the release to do so... |
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because the body of Christ is divided down the middle on so many issues. I guess I never would have thought I'd see the day when there would be preachers and pastors who advocate it as much as those who are against it.