Singles Ministry

[Rachel2]

My Pastor has appointed me to lead the Singles Ministry at our church and I need help. I have been single for so long until it's become a way of life. I am fulfilled and I actually like my life.

Since being married is no longer my focus, I need some ideas. We have a lot of singles between 20 and 30+, and I know that many, if not all of them are focused on being married.

I know that I can share with them the things that helped me to overcome in many areas, but I can only relate to the women out of my experiences. I have no idea how to relate to the brothers. I would think that they have different issues to deal with.

I am a few years older and I don't know what people in this age group enjoy.

Any suggestions?

[stillfocused]

Actually Rachel..they deal with same things we who are older do. I know that there is a fear of not marrying..they love music and like to have fun. Yet, I have found out if there is no foundation or other alternatives to get their minds off of finding a mate.

[Rachel2]

Thanks for your input Stillfocused,

Please pray for us.

[giantsdodie]

my suggestion.. I would ask your pastor if there was a man of God that he would appoint along with you to help with the men of God. The singleness issues are often different for men than they are for women and it MIGHT be a good idea to have a man of God working with you to help the singles in this area.

[Rachel2]

You know Giants I was thinking the same thing. I am sure men have different issues than women. The problem is the men who would help are married and the single ones either aren't interested, feel they already do enough or they just don't have time.

I've been told this is the third attempt to do something for the singles in this church. The people who were put in charge before couldn't seem to get them interested.

There is one brother who I feel would be good to work with, he's single and has lots of experience like myself. Of course, he says that he already has enough to do. So will you pray with me that God changes his mind?

[giantsdodie]

rachel2 said:

You know Giants I was thinking the same thing. I am sure men have different issues than women. The problem is the men who would help are married and the single ones either aren't interested, feel they already do enough or they just don't have time.

I've been told this is the third attempt to do something for the singles in this church. The people who were put in charge before couldn't seem to get them interested.

There is one brother who I feel would be good to work with, he's single and has lots of experience like myself. Of course, he says that he already has enough to do. So will you pray with me that God changes his mind?

Sorry I cannot do that. I will not pray that GOD changes his mind. I will pray that GOD will send you help.

[Rachel2]

Out of curiosity, why won't you pray that God changes his mind? Is it because I feel he would be good in this position?

Also understand this is a very small church and the person I have in mind is the only single male in the church with age and experience. That is the only reason I considered him.

[Beck]

I think maybe GDD thought that you were asking for GOD to change his mind concerning your position within the church... thats the way I read it as well.

[giantsdodie]

Exactly thats the way I read it. This man has expressed that he has a lot on his plate already so whether or not you feel he would be best suited for the task at hand it would literally be witchcraft for me to pray that GOD change his mind to do something that he would rather not do, or doesnt have time to do.

The best thing for me to do pray is that GOD send you the help required to handle the task at hand.

That I will most assuredly do.

On a side note.. why is it that the church ( and by church I mean church at large ) feels that only single people should minister to single people....

I mean deriously TD Jakes has probably had more impact among women than any preacher I can remember in the last 20 years and he doesnt have a uterus...

[Rachel2]

Okay Beck and Giants,

Sorry if you misunderstood. I was asking for prayer for God to change the guys mind so he would help...it had nothing to do with my position. I just feel that a male could relate better to another male b/c I am sure men have different issues than women.

Now don't turn this into a fight. We were getting along nicely (LOL)

Personally, I don't care if a male works with me or not...I was just trying to look out for the single brothers. I am more than capable of helping the sisters.( please re-read my original post)

And Giants as far as your question about single people ministering to other single people. Well, my pastor is a MALE and HE brought this to ME. I didn't even want to do it, but trying to be obedient to leadership, I agreed. He told me that HIS WIFE (of course they are married) tried to do something with the singles and they were not interested. Then another MARRIED couple from the church tried to help the singles as well and they couldn't get them interested either.

So, I think the pastor's rationale in choosing me is the fact that I am a single, positive woman and that maybe they would be willing to listen to someone who they consider one of their own.

Oh, and BTW, I am just as busy as anyone else in the church, including the bother that I was asking you to pray about. It's about sacrifice. This is not the only thing that I do. As I stated it's a very small church with a faithful few working....so everybody's busy.

I wasn't expecting to get accused of asking you to commit witchcrat of all things...Jesus, all I was asking for was prayer. My God...cut a sister some slack!

Also, now y'all done got my dander up. The guy in question doesn' t work a full-time or part-time job. He's on disability and at home all day or hanging out at the library. He has no children, never married and has more time on his hands than most people, single or otherwise. He is the pastor's adjutant and to my knowledge all he does is make phone calls to remind us of meetings and stuff. (LOL)

[Nikkol]

Rachel: Since you've indicated that your church is small, is it possible that you may be able to work together with another church. The great thing about being in the body of Christ is that we can all work together.

Maybe there's someone in another church that could help... even with the women as well... the last thing you need is to spread yourself too thin

[Beck]

If he is the pastor's adjutant, and the pastor asked you to be the head of the single's ministry... Wouldnt that tell you something? LOL

Also you should never compare what you do naturally or spiritually to another person to bring justification as to who can do what, or who should do what...

Two men went up into the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, and the other a tax-gatherer. The Pharisee stood and was praying thus to himself, ‘God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax-gatherer. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all I get.’
But the tax-gatherer, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted Luke 18:10-14

What you can handle is much different that what the next person can handle... That might be the biggest test for the brother, to make phone calls and to sit in the library, none knows but he and the one he is being obedient unto. Or it might be that the Pastor doesnt want him to handle the youth or assist, because he believes that its going to birth something great in you... So I would just respect the process and go with what you have, and let the spirit be your help!

[Rachel2]

electladynb said:

Rachel: Since you've indicated that your church is small, is it possible that you may be able to work together with another church. The great thing about being in the body of Christ is that we can all work together.

Maybe there's someone in another church that could help... even with the women as well... the last thing you need is to spread yourself too thin

I agree with you completely Nikkol. I don't want to spread myselft too thin either b/c I know that I will become ineffective completely. This is the reason I hesitated when the Pastor asked me to take on this added responsibility. He knows that I only accepted out of obedience after He explained that they had tried before. And I agree with him there is a real need. The singles at our church a mostly newly saved, just came out of the street and they need real help.

I've only been at the church for a year (although I have been saved for 20 years) so I don't know about the other churches in the area. But that is a good idea and I will check to see what they do.

Thank you for trying to help. I sincerely appreciate it.

[stillfocused]

As a single woman...I fully understand the need for ministry in that area. Rachel..may I suggest that you have a time where everyone gets together to find out where they are, what they enjoy, what some of their concerns are. I know that you are looking for a older person who has been saved for some years, and who has embraced being single. Just maybe there is a younger person there who is walking in righteousness and holiness who can assist you..too many times singles ministry consist of food, games, outings, and hanging out. The church I attend in small, too. We would get together once a month..eat..play board games..and that was the extent of it. Yet, there was no spend on feeding one's spirit on how to deal with challenges, ups and downs, and for some how to deal with those uncontrolled urges. I have to agree with GDD regarding the brother changing his mind...pray that God will send you the person who will be able to bring balance to that ministry. When you pray against someone's will whether we admit it or not one does move into the area of witchcraft praying..it actually binds that person up. Things start happening and there is no explanation for all of the confusion..until you talk to someone and find out that they have been praying for you..and their prayer has been " God change their minds..show them that I am the person that they are to marry..show them I am the person who is to stand along side of them as they serve the Pastor as his armourbearer..

[Rachel2]

elderbeck said:

If he is the pastor's adjutant, and the pastor asked you to be the head of the single's ministry... Wouldnt that tell you something? LOL

Also you should never compare what you do naturally or spiritually to another person to bring justification as to who can do what, or who should do what...

Two men went up into the Temple to pray, one a Pharisee, and the other a tax-gatherer. The Pharisee stood and was praying thus to himself, ‘God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax-gatherer. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all I get.’
But the tax-gatherer, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted Luke 18:10-14

What you can handle is much different that what the next person can handle... That might be the biggest test for the brother, to make phone calls and to sit in the library, none knows but he and the one he is being obedient unto. Or it might be that the Pastor doesnt want him to handle the youth or assist, because he believes that its going to birth something great in you... So I would just respect the process and go with what you have, and let the spirit be your help!

Beck, come on now brother we friends LOL

What part of what I am saying don't you understand. I repeat, I was trying to look out for the single brothers because I am sure that I cannot relate to their issues. Even Giants suggested I get the pastor to appoint a brother to work with me! (I REPEAT, READ THE POSTS FROM THE BEGINNING)

I hope we do agree there is a difference between MEN and WOMEN. I was not asking for help, I can manage my end. God will help me.

Whatever that little blurb is that you posted in the middle, I can't read it b/c it's too small.

Oh, and BTW, the guy in question told me that he told the pastor he didn't want to do it. He is not on disability because he is mentally challenged. He's on disability because he suffered an injury to his back while at work in 2003. He hasn't done anything since. This is what he told me himself. That's why I asked for prayer to change his mind.

And you know what....just forget that I asked for prayer or anything else. After all of this confusion and hostility I would be afraid for you or Giants to pray for me at this point. I fear that would be witchcraft. ;D

The End.....remember, I know when to stop posting!