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Post by Beck on Dec 11, 2007 6:48:54 GMT -5
By the way Beck.... Would the person your describing even be husband material? If so explain.... Side bar>>>> Your question in a way reminds me of something I see a lot of in Black churches... To us women everyone can ask if a million and one questions about if we are ready to receive a man of God.... Do we have a degree? do we have a job? do we have good credit? are we in shape? can we cook? can you have kids? Are you a proverb 31 woman? can you get a prayer though? U know you are going to have to keep your husband prayed up! And that's fine.... But then... we are expected to be hooked up with the male version of Gomer!!!! LOL AND were supposed to be thankful and God even broought that joker our way while you guys.... Claim that God makes presentations to YALL... and that if you don't want da one that God brought then He's surely bring you another! LOL Please somebody tell me why that is? Kitty Na, Its not like that sister...lol. It seems that women can ask a million and one questions and that some men are only concerned about "one" thing..(If you know what I mean). Women ask if the guy has a house, a car, money in the bank..any baby momma drama, do he still talk with his momma when he has troubles...etc etc...LOL I asked these questions because of what we call unconditional love... Love isn't blind,so you shouldn't in the name of love overlook the faults of your mate. But on the same line, love doesn't allow you to walk away because of their faults... Love is patient, thinks all things and hopes all things. So even in the midst of a imperfect or ideal relationship...Love is the motivating factor. Now there are some that use love (I believe its pragma)as a crutch in the relationship... Its based on what they can do for me rather than who they are too me. We go and prepare lists about what we want in a mate and IF something isn't right even if 8 out of 10 things are met...we allow this type of love to say NO, its not worth it, I'M not willing to sacrifice and work with you through your short comings... While on the other hand...the bible tells us about a love that we should all be subject too... He commands the husband to be subject to this love..." Husbands love your wife, as Christ loved the church"... This is a subjective love that a Husband has to consider when he is taking on a woman... A husband is stuck with the internal question.." How did Christ Love the Church"? #1 Christ Love was unconditional: While we were yet sinners Christ Died for us. #2 His love was Sacrificial: Jesus Christ our passover was sacrificed for us #3 His love Sanctified us.... We haven't really loved until we have loved the way Christ loved... UNCONDITIONAL EROS Love. Love pushes through shortcomings and stands in the gap... So if your wife or husband loses his or her job, gains a little weight, loses their hair, feels depressed your love isn't based on a condition (what they can do) but its subject to how Christ has loved us... He looked beyond all of our faults and saw our needs. This is the challenge of Love... Its not based on Convenience, but its based on commitment. |
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Post by kitty on Dec 11, 2007 8:35:28 GMT -5
Hello Beck,
I completely agree with your post above. I also would say that I do understand that love is a committment and that we are to love one another regardless of our faults. And I would especially agree to this once the committment and bond of marriage has been made.
But in regards to your question about the man who only wants to work at the game shop.... I don't think I personally would have ever gotten with a person like that to start with. I can't force anyone to be something they don't want to be...
But I can love someone through the fear of failure........
But I don't know many men that are looking to love a woman though the sin of weight gain....
In fact I think in most men's minds.... God would never ever hook them up with a woman that is over weight and tell them to love her through it...... Love her through her weight loss and transformation....
What do u and Giants think about that?
Kitty
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 11, 2007 9:04:46 GMT -5
I knew a lot of things about my wife long before I met my wife.
I knew she was going to be a aprtner in ministry.
I knew how I was going to minister to her in certain areas.
I knew she had an older sister she was very close to.
I knew she was someone I would need to have a lot of patience with.
I knew we would need each other to walk into destiny together.
So yeah God can reveal things ahead of time.
Your talking to the wrong man here. I knew how tall my wife was and I knew what size she was before I met her. God had told me in advance that she put on weight after her mother passed away and that she would lose weight but she would always be between a size 16-20 especially after a few children.
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 11, 2007 9:31:45 GMT -5
I think we have this unrealist image of the person we are marrying. We want this altogether person who has it all. The money, the house, the car, anointed, and can curl up your toes.... but the Word of God tells me whatsi]oever a man soweth that shall he also reap. What are you sowing to receive such a harvest  and are you willing to WAIT for that harvest Back to the guy working at Gamestop. We clown that brother. But what if that same Gamestop working brother is a man of God who loves his wife as Christ loves the church, supports her, encourages her, takes care of his business and provides for his wife and family as he should, why is that seen as not a good thing??? When I married my wife I was unemployed ( was working when we were engaged, company shut down ), didnt have anough money to even rent a car to drive to my own wedding, lived in a small studio apartment and have no college degree. I had none of the things that many women of God are told to look for BEFORE you get married. So why did my wife marry me??? |
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Post by kanyon on Dec 11, 2007 10:06:17 GMT -5
I think we have this unrealist image of the person we are marrying. We want this altogether person who has it all. The money, the house, the car, anointed, and can curl up your toes.... but the Word of God tells me whatsi]oever a man soweth that shall he also reap. What are you sowing to receive such a harvest and are you willing to WAIT for that harvest Back to the guy working at Gamestop. We clown that brother. But what if that same Gamestop working brother is a man of God who loves his wife as Christ loves the church, supports her, encourages her, takes care of his business and provides for his wife and family as he should, why is that seen as not a good thing??? When I married my wife I was unemployed ( was working when we were engaged, company shut down ), didnt have anough money to even rent a car to drive to my own wedding, lived in a small studio apartment and have no college degree. I had none of the things that many women of God are told to look for BEFORE you get married. So why did my wife marry me??? You curled her toes... |
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Post by Beck on Dec 11, 2007 10:18:22 GMT -5
Hello Beck, I completely agree with your post above. I also would say that I do understand that love is a commitment and that we are to love one another regardless of our faults. And I would especially agree to this once the commitment and bond of marriage has been made. But in regards to your question about the man who only wants to work at the game shop.... I don't think I personally would have ever gotten with a person like that to start with. I can't force anyone to be something they don't want to be... But I can love someone through the fear of failure........ But I don't know many men that are looking to love a woman though the sin of weight gain.... In fact I think in most men's minds.... God would never ever hook them up with a woman that is over weight and tell them to love her through it...... Love her through her weight loss and transformation.... What do u and Giants think about that? Kitty I don't consider weight gain a sin..thats first. When I prayed about a mate, I didn't ask for a weight, height, look, or financial class. I asked for a woman that would love him more than she would love me, a woman of character and integrity.. All those other things are superficial to me... House, money, looks, all can go away....but a woman that fears the Lord...Now thats a woman in my book. Loving your mate shouldn't start off with where they work, or how they dress, or the size of their shoe...but it should first start off with their position with Christ. Many times we choose a spouse based on a list that God isn't even involved with. Its all personal wants and desires..nothing to bring glory to him, but to bring selfish convenience. We are not subject to the will of God, but rather we are subject to personal views of what we think we should have and how we think it should come. You might desire and God might desire for you to have Mr. Money bags making 250k a year and you don't have to work again in your life..but how do you know that Mr. Game stop wont be that with some godly motivation and support from a woman who respects the process of God? I guess my next question is What Do We Want In A Mate, and What Are We Willing To Do To Get It? |
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 11, 2007 10:45:24 GMT -5
I think we have this unrealist image of the person we are marrying. We want this altogether person who has it all. The money, the house, the car, anointed, and can curl up your toes.... but the Word of God tells me whatsi]oever a man soweth that shall he also reap. What are you sowing to receive such a harvest and are you willing to WAIT for that harvest Back to the guy working at Gamestop. We clown that brother. But what if that same Gamestop working brother is a man of God who loves his wife as Christ loves the church, supports her, encourages her, takes care of his business and provides for his wife and family as he should, why is that seen as not a good thing??? When I married my wife I was unemployed ( was working when we were engaged, company shut down ), didnt have anough money to even rent a car to drive to my own wedding, lived in a small studio apartment and have no college degree. I had none of the things that many women of God are told to look for BEFORE you get married. So why did my wife marry me??? You curled her toes... Not before marriage sir.... |
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Post by kitty on Dec 11, 2007 11:00:11 GMT -5
Hey Guys,
Let me first say this... In regards to the guy at the game shop... Beck you specifically stated that this guy HAS NO DESIRE FOR MORE.......... His lack or desire is what I have a problem with... Not the fact that he works in a game shop.... Heck if he knows that much about games maybe he could get a job making them, rating them etc... I believe that a person should follow their passion...
But IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PASSION for anything... then I myself am leary.
I expect to be a help meet and a support system. I can push a person to a goal... But it is NOT MY PLACE TO CREATE GOALS OR VISIONS FOR THEM.
In this way I think men need to know if they are looking for a wife or a mother.
Giants... when God revealed your wife's weight issue to you do you just gratefully accept that? Or did you wish for something different? Secondly... weight is all relative when it comes to height. Being a size 16 and being about 5'5 to 5'7 may not be that bad...
In my case... weight is a issue I have because I have been every size in the book. literally 0-16 and back again. I pull Janet Jackson moves all the time...One Year I'm in shape the next year I'm outta shape. God did literally give me a word about my weight. He told me to lose it, and through a Rev I called to for prayer.. that had never met me in person... God told him to tell me that many of my other health issues were tied to my weight. And that I would need to lose it to have more energy... and that marriage requires a lot of energy.
So now I am in the process of working out again... I recently had a physical for my job and my doctor was really surprised that my blood work came back so excellent. Because even though i am over weight... I literally for worked out over the years as well so I am not in any danger of becoming a diabetic or have high cholesterol, or heart problems....
But honestly... my ever changing weight is the one issue I wonder if the man God has chosen to be my husband can deal with? From this stand point it will be interesting to see if God really can pick someone that can love me unconditionally... And sure... I need to be obedient to God and not get out of shape again... But just the same...
Kitty
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Post by Nikkol on Dec 11, 2007 12:06:47 GMT -5
Response Part 1
You use the word "force". My question to you is why would you have to force anything? If you are provided for and he's a man of integrity and a true man of God, what is the issue? From what you are stating, I would say (as an outsider) that you see marriage as a "status symbol" and so there are certain jobs/things that are "acceptable" to you while others aren't.
As someone mentiones, weight gain isn't a sin. I never thought that I'd be with someone like my husband and vice versa... as a matter of fact, the "image" that I had of my husband in many ways is opposite my husband (lol) but we've been together 10 years and counting. What you (general) have to learn is that marriage is so much deeper than just the physical because if all you have is the physical that attracts you to each other, if God forbid something happens, you have nothing to hold you together. God's ways aren't our ways and he knows what's best for us.
I think that this goes to show us (general) that much of what we do should be based on hearing from God. I know that Will and I went through ups and downs with jobs and being young, etc. But what we had was the understanding that God put us together and no matter what was going on financially or anything else, that is what held us together.
Kitty: From an outsider again, you appear to be stating that since he doesn't want to make the games or rate them, etc but would prefer to just work in the game shop that he has a lack of desire? Why would you say that he has a lack of desire? Could it be that he enjoys his work and enjoys being around the people in the store? That he enjoys the customer service and that's it? Do you know the percentage of people that HATE what they do for a living? But because of society they continue to do these particular jobs because they don't want to be "talked about"? Do you know the stress that it causes to work for years doing something you don't want to do?
Side Note: This is GENERAL, but just using Kitty's response.
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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Dec 11, 2007 12:59:56 GMT -5
Excellent Post. Just took the time to read this and I must say some excellent points have been brought up. I had a list prior to salvation however once I gave my life to Christ that list went out of the door. Now there are still certain things that I would like my husband to have: - a true relationship with the Lord
- the desire to walk in God's will for his life
- to love me as Christ loved the church (as Bro. Beck spelled out)
Those are the main things for me. I have to be honest enough to say that I have not truly prayed FOR a mate but I believe that I know who he is and AM praying accordingly. I met him 5 years ago and at that time, I was not in any condition to take on a mate. If it is so, that this is my mate, then he is nothing that I would have selected (prior to salvation). God has truly done a work on me and changed me in ways over these past five years in that some things that I say that I would NOT want, I see differently now. I want this person to be my best friend FIRST. I want someone in which I can talk to about anything and vice versa. I want to be able to submit to him and love him in spite of the circumstance. I want to be patient with him when times are tough and be patient with him when times are good. I want to be able to walk in what 1 Corinthians 13 says about love. Like Giants, if this is the one, then I also know the areas in which I would need to be the strong one and minister to him. I also know his desire as far as work in the natural as well as in the spiritual. He is no Boris Kudjoe (lol...DARN!!) but he is the one that I believe God has chosen for me. As for the person in the game shop - if I was married to him or even engaged, I wouldn't just walk away because he seems to have no desire. If this is the one for me then he is the one. God can change him just like I was changed. My love for him would not be conditional. So right now, I am not working on the list but I am working on being all that I can be as it concerns being a wife. |
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Post by kanyon on Dec 11, 2007 13:11:56 GMT -5
Not before marriage sir.... No offence sir, just feeling silly today.  |
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Post by Nikkol on Dec 11, 2007 14:11:56 GMT -5
Part 2
But there is a difference between having goals and it's not the same goals and visions that you may have. I do think that in a way, it's the head of the household that would create and give the vision to the wife and therefore the kids. But if in his vision doesn't match what you think it should be than they'll be a butting of heads when all the wife has to do is catch a hold of the vision of the husband and watch God bless and manifest based on your (general) obedience to the Word of God.
I can understand being in some type of shape because ministry (being married or not) takes a lot of energy. Can God pick someone that can love you unconditionally? YES. And the good thing about it is that that person fell in love with you for who you are as a person. As we get older, we will look different... but what's on the inside should be what will stand the test of time...
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 11, 2007 14:34:00 GMT -5
This is where I see a conflict. Vision isnt always job related. A person could be full of vision and that vision may have nothing to do with their career. Neither is passion job related. A person can have a passion for God and for the things of God, yet God has not called them to start a business, nor become a game designer.
God might very well want that person in that video game store because their light will shine to people every single day for the glory of God. That person might be able to witness Jesus to thousands of souls in their lifetime and that would have far more eternal weight of glory because what they did was for the Lord.
We have to shake the mindset that everyone will be running corporations and preaching to millions. Someone has be a janitor. Someone has to be a bus driver. Someone has to clean bathrooms, and those people dont necessarily have less vision or purpose or less identity than the person called to be a part of an international conglomerate.
Success is not determined by your wallet because our lives do not consist of the abundance of things they possess. Success is simply put doing the will of God for YOUR life. That is true measure of success.
So a person could very well be a worker at Gamestop and be totally successful and be doing the will of God for their life.
I had no issue with it because I dont believe that GOD would ver choose something for me that wouldnt be a blessing to me. I didnt wish for anything different because my desire is to do the will of God. Once God revealed HIS will then that where my desire becomes focused. My wife is 5'8" and while she is tall she isnt a 16. I am not putting her size out there cause if I did she would probably kill me. I said that God dont expect her weight to settle to around 16-20 after she loses weight and has a few children. So essentially she would lose weight down to around a 16 and then gain some back after a few children. Suffice it to say she is larger than a 20.
And I had absolutely no issue with that. I will say this, I havent known a woman yet who is down for her man like her. She listens when I am upset, discouraged and confused. She encourages me when I am down. She challenges me to be all that I can be in Jesus. When my mother died she was a tremendous source of comfort and support. She extends herself when she isnt asked.
Why would I give that up for a dress size or two ??
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Post by kitty on Dec 14, 2007 14:36:34 GMT -5
Nikkol,
I'm not sure why you are making the assumption that this guy is able to support a wife and kids... In fact according to Beck the only reason this guy is working at all at the game shop is so he can get more games to play for free...
There is nothing to assume that this guy would be trying to hustle to keep a roof over the heads of his children or food for them to eat... Nothing...
I don't think that I or anyone else would be seen as odd for not wanting to be married to such an individual. I stated plainly that it wasn't the job that he had that was the problem... it was what was in his heart.
I never stated or implied that people that don't have certain jobs or make a certain amount of money wouldb't be good marriage partners so I'm not sure why you would get the impression that I see marriage as a "status symbol".
But then again... you saw me as selfish for not wanting to share a husband in a polygamous situation so go figure... Why try to FIGURE YOU out?
Kitty
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Post by kitty on Dec 14, 2007 14:39:03 GMT -5
Giants,
You are one in a million man! Your wife is blessed indeed... I hear from plenty of men all the time, saved and unsaved... that state that their biggest fear about marriage and wives is that she will gain weight and never lose it...
Kitty
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and are you willing to WAIT for that harvest 
