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Post by kitty on Nov 26, 2007 4:14:16 GMT -5
Hello Single Saints,
As I am going through a transition period right now, I have taken some time for reflection. One thing I realize is that I have now been in the process of praying and standing before the Lord for a husband for 7 years now...
Interestingly enough at year seven i belief my single days are definitely numbered. ;D
But as I reflect one of the things that I noticed was how my prayers to God about a husband changed over the years. In the beginning I started off with a "list".
I think it was the latest thing going around at the time. I got detailed instructions from a friend on how I needed to really sit and decide all of the qualities that I wanted my husband to have. His personality, walk with God, temper, educational back ground, physical traits, sense of humor etc. Then the personal was to take this list and pray to God about it.
I started off with a detailed list... But a relative pulled me a side and told me that I was better off simply asking God to choose for me.
And sure enough... as time went by... I focused much less on the list and more on God Himself to be the one doing the choosing rather than just honoring my wish list. Although I do ask for one major thing... I ask for compatability and harmony.
Now I just ask for His choice....
So guys I am wondering... How many of the rest of you ever made a "list"?
Kitty
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Post by giantsdodie on Nov 26, 2007 12:15:11 GMT -5
Yup made a list. Sat down with the Lord and drew up a list of what I should want in a wife. ( not a list of what I wanted.. a list of what GOD said I should pray for in a wife )
Then God made me a list of what I should be as a husband.
Spent more time on the second list than the first list...
Think thats a lot of our problem. We spend more time praying for what we want, than praying for what we should BE....
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Post by livinganewlife on Nov 26, 2007 13:44:49 GMT -5
When I read this thread it reminded me of this email I received....
Please read becasue as GDD said we are always focusing on our wants instead of the person we need to become
Sista's Poem and a Brother's Response
Do you qualify to be the man I need you to be?
Will you be able to recognize the things you
need to see? Will you be able to understand, that
I'm a good woman and in my life I need a good man?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to fertilize my unproduced seeds?
Can you fulfill, as I can, all of our needs?
Can you put me in my place if you see I am slippin'?
Can you talk to me, wholeheartedly, not
constantly trippin??
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called all mine?
Can you leave the other women and temptations
behind? Can you come to me with your problems and
not wait until it's too late?
Can you stand up and admit if you made a mistake?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be the honest ebony man I
would want you to be?
Would you be able to look me in my eyes and
admit your feelings to me?
Could you take me in your arms and make love to
me all night long?
Can you be sensitive and still be strong?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be my friend as well as my
lover? Can you put our love before any other?
Can you cherish me as if I were Diamonds &
Gold? Can you make me feel like I'm the last
woman you'll ever hold?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called a GOD fearing man?
If I have doubts can you reassure me and understand?
Can your love intoxicate me as if I were High?
To be in my life, I need to know,
DO YOU QUALIFY?
************************************************
The Brother's Response:
You ask, do I qualify.
Can I fulfill your needs and become the man you need me to be?
My sister, are you prepared for what you've asked for?
Can you handle the responsibility?
Can you accept that, by GOD, I am the chosen
one, the authority, the comforter, and the head?
Will you submit and willingly follow my path?
As I am GOD lead?
Or will you fight with me instead?
If I am your King, will you treat me as such?
Will I get the best of your beauty and poise?
Or will I be subjected to an appearance
neglected, and checked with some serious noise?
When I talk, will you listen?
I mean whole heartedly and feel me?
Or will you rush me just to make your point too?
Can I be the man at all times? Even when it hurts?
Or is it just when it's convenient for you?
Can you love me for me, and not who you wish I could be?
Will you see the strong Black Man within?
Or will you always remind me of the all
the past brothers behind me and make me pay for their sins?
If I don't send you flowers the day your co-worker
received some, will you know that I love you still?
Or will my good name be uttered along with those other doggish brothers?
Will you question if my commitment is real?
Will you be patient and teach me to understand you,
and allow my knowledge of your needs to grow?
Or will you shut me out when I ask, Baby
what's wrong?
Or will you respond with, "Well a REAL man would know!"
When we first met, what was it that caught your
eye? Was it my mind, my heart, my personality?
Or was it my suit, or my job, or do you love
what I drive, instead of what's driving me?
Yes I can, and I will, make love to you from midnight to the dawning of the sun.
But, if I tell you I'm tired, will you trust
I'm sincere or believe that there must be another one?
My sister, I love you and my heart can be yours. No woman could lead me astray.
But like you, I have needs, so I beg of you, please, in this love thang meet me half way.
In life's tough times I'll hold you, in the rough times I'll mold you;
your simplest wish will be my command.
My life is yours if need be.
Yes you can fully bleed me, and when hell comes, in your place, I'll stand.
A good relationship is a powerful institution that must be built on a foundation of two.
GOD FIRST AND THEN MY LOVE FOR YOU.
So to answer your question,
YES sister, I do qualify.
Now, more importantly...do you?
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Post by Nikkol on Nov 26, 2007 15:39:07 GMT -5
My husband actually made a list that he kept with him. But in his time of prayer when God asked him what he wanted (he had been praying about a wife) he said "You"... soon after, we ended up being introduced; only as friends though. I actually didn't find out about his list until we were married for a while and funny enough I actually meet all of the criteria.....lol
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Post by chosen on Nov 26, 2007 22:16:42 GMT -5
When I read this thread it reminded me of this email I received.... Please read becasue as GDD said we are always focusing on our wants instead of the person we need to become Sista's Poem and a Brother's Response
Do you qualify to be the man I need you to be?
Will you be able to recognize the things you
need to see? Will you be able to understand, that
I'm a good woman and in my life I need a good man?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to fertilize my unproduced seeds?
Can you fulfill, as I can, all of our needs?
Can you put me in my place if you see I am slippin'?
Can you talk to me, wholeheartedly, not
constantly trippin??
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called all mine?
Can you leave the other women and temptations
behind? Can you come to me with your problems and
not wait until it's too late?
Can you stand up and admit if you made a mistake?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be the honest ebony man I
would want you to be?
Would you be able to look me in my eyes and
admit your feelings to me?
Could you take me in your arms and make love to
me all night long?
Can you be sensitive and still be strong?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be my friend as well as my
lover? Can you put our love before any other?
Can you cherish me as if I were Diamonds &
Gold? Can you make me feel like I'm the last
woman you'll ever hold?
Do you qualify?
Do you qualify to be called a GOD fearing man?
If I have doubts can you reassure me and understand?
Can your love intoxicate me as if I were High?
To be in my life, I need to know,
DO YOU QUALIFY?
************************************************
The Brother's Response:
You ask, do I qualify.
Can I fulfill your needs and become the man you need me to be?
My sister, are you prepared for what you've asked for?
Can you handle the responsibility?
Can you accept that, by GOD, I am the chosen
one, the authority, the comforter, and the head?
Will you submit and willingly follow my path?
As I am GOD lead?
Or will you fight with me instead?
If I am your King, will you treat me as such?
Will I get the best of your beauty and poise?
Or will I be subjected to an appearance
neglected, and checked with some serious noise?
When I talk, will you listen?
I mean whole heartedly and feel me?
Or will you rush me just to make your point too?
Can I be the man at all times? Even when it hurts?
Or is it just when it's convenient for you?
Can you love me for me, and not who you wish I could be?
Will you see the strong Black Man within?
Or will you always remind me of the all
the past brothers behind me and make me pay for their sins?
If I don't send you flowers the day your co-worker
received some, will you know that I love you still?
Or will my good name be uttered along with those other doggish brothers?
Will you question if my commitment is real?
Will you be patient and teach me to understand you,
and allow my knowledge of your needs to grow?
Or will you shut me out when I ask, Baby
what's wrong?
Or will you respond with, "Well a REAL man would know!"
When we first met, what was it that caught your
eye? Was it my mind, my heart, my personality?
Or was it my suit, or my job, or do you love
what I drive, instead of what's driving me?
Yes I can, and I will, make love to you from midnight to the dawning of the sun.
But, if I tell you I'm tired, will you trust
I'm sincere or believe that there must be another one?
My sister, I love you and my heart can be yours. No woman could lead me astray.
But like you, I have needs, so I beg of you, please, in this love thang meet me half way.
In life's tough times I'll hold you, in the rough times I'll mold you;
your simplest wish will be my command.
My life is yours if need be.
Yes you can fully bleed me, and when hell comes, in your place, I'll stand.
A good relationship is a powerful institution that must be built on a foundation of two.
GOD FIRST AND THEN MY LOVE FOR YOU.
So to answer your question,
YES sister, I do qualify.
Now, more importantly...do you?
awwwwwww That was beautiful livinganewlife thank you for sharing  |
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Post by kitty on Nov 27, 2007 21:50:28 GMT -5
Hey Guys,
Living that was a really good poem. I'm gonna have to copy it and save it! Giants... You know I have gotten some of the best ideas from you over the years. I didn't think to pray about all of the qualities that God wants me to have as a wife. I know that there are plenty that would be obvious... I think I have those covered.
But there could be plenty more that God wants me to develop or work on... I am going to start praying about that right away.
As for me... making a list was really eye opening. I would start with a person that I had feeling for and wanted to pray that they would work out as a husband. It was pretty much like trying to fit a square into a circle peg hole.
When I did take the time to write a list with no one in mind it helped me to shift my view point on relationships. I was one of those people who started with the outside and worked my way to the person's insides.
I first started to look at who I was attracted to physically and then hoped that they had a nice personality to match.
By making a list that stopped me from viewing a potential husband that way. I start with the inside now. Making the list helped me to focus on Godly characterstics and now when I am out and about I notice I am never swayed by a handsome face anymore. I can't see what's inside this person's heart so I'm not impressed.
But even as I wrote the list I did still need to mature to the point of really focusing on God and what He would choose for me. I guess I had to get to a point where I realized that God truly does know what is best for me better than I could ever know myself...
I am at that point now...
Kitty
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 10, 2007 8:47:36 GMT -5
Sure there are some general things that we shuld have covered... Now wnat about for the man God is bringing YOU... what about HIM... He is going to have some specific needs to be met.. do you know what those are ?? Do you know how you are going to need to minister to them  What are you going to need in place in your life to handle that |
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Post by kitty on Dec 10, 2007 13:13:31 GMT -5
Giants,
You ask a very enlightening question... At this point God hasn't revealed to me particular ways that I may be needed to minister to the man that He has chosen for me. Instead during my prayer time and reading the bible I have been learning more about God's wisdom in His choices. I tend to focus on my weakness rather than my strengths. Not because I am unaware of what my good points are but I'm always trying to work on my weak points. I have been in many competitive situations in the past and looking to work in a field that is competitive. So my thoughts were more along the line of God what if I'm not good enough? Maybe there is someone that is better? I believe God is leading me out of this type of thinking where His choices and His will is concerned.
So I have been working on trusting that if God has picked me for some particular purpose... including being a wife to a particular person, that He knows best and know how I will be an asset, a helpmeet, and a supporter to that person.
Honestly in general I am very supportive... I am very good at pushing people in the directions that they want to go. I am very good at supporting those with dreams and life goals. I completely know how to encourage, support and push someone that has their vision for their life in order... I have done it with friends and family. I also happen to add stablilty to people in those types of situations because more often than not... they usually have to deal with some risks and acting on faith.
So if I were to say that God is working with me in a area I would have to say that it is working on me to have confidence that if HE says I am the best person for a job then I have the ability.
Giants I will ask God if there are specific ways I will need to minister to the man that He has chosen for me. I think it is a very good question to ask...
So let me ask you.... Did God reveal what ways you were going to minister to your wife a head of time?
Kitty
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Post by Beck on Dec 10, 2007 13:37:57 GMT -5
Giants, You ask a very enlightening question... At this point God hasn't revealed to me particular ways that I may be needed to minister to the man that He has chosen for me. Instead during my prayer time and reading the bible I have been learning more about God's wisdom in His choices. I tend to focus on my weakness rather than my strengths. Not because I am unaware of what my good points are but I'm always trying to work on my weak points. I have been in many competitive situations in the past and looking to work in a field that is competitive. So my thoughts were more along the line of God what if I'm not good enough? Maybe there is someone that is better? I believe God is leading me out of this type of thinking where His choices and His will is concerned. So I have been working on trusting that if God has picked me for some particular purpose... including being a wife to a particular person, that He knows best and know how I will be an asset, a helpmeet, and a supporter to that person. Honestly in general I am very supportive... I am very good at pushing people in the directions that they want to go. I am very good at supporting those with dreams and life goals. I completely know how to encourage, support and push someone that has their vision for their life in order... I have done it with friends and family. I also happen to add stablilty to people in those types of situations because more often than not... they usually have to deal with some risks and acting on faith. So if I were to say that God is working with me in a area I would have to say that it is working on me to have confidence that if HE says I am the best person for a job then I have the ability. Giants I will ask God if there are specific ways I will need to minister to the man that He has chosen for me. I think it is a very good question to ask... So let me ask you.... Did God reveal what ways you were going to minister to your wife a head of time? Kitty You said something that is very important in my opinion... you said that you will push people in the direction they desire to go. Most problems in relationships can happen when the spouse push their partner in the direction THEY feel would be best for the person. Let me ask you this Kitty... What if the direction they want to go isnt something that you feel isnt the best for your relationship? would you stay supportive even though you feel they are wasting their time? |
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Post by kitty on Dec 10, 2007 15:28:53 GMT -5
Beck,
I know where you are going with the word push.... Most people don't like that word. It's not meant to be a negative... I don't push people in directions that they don't want to go... it is a waste of my time and energy.
Here is an example of the ways that I push... You want to be a dancer... then I would be debbie allen! LOL
If you want to lose weight then I will help you run... even if that means I'm running with you...
If you want to cram for an exam all night long... then I will stay up with you... Help you stay up... stop you from going to sleep. Quiz you when needed.
Think of my pushing as being encouring when a person is feeling weak or wants to give up... Not as being bossy...
Now as far as encourage a person if they are choosing to do something that I don't agree with. I have done it plenty of times... I don't always agree with the desires and goals of those around me. But I offer my help just the same. I am aware that I don't have the final say in whether or not what they are doing to going to be beneficial.... God has that choice. I also understand that God chooses some foolish things that confuse the wise. So unless there is honest harm present... I offer help.
I especially understand the role of being supportive even when I don't agree because there have been plenty of times that I have made decisions or had goals that others didn't agree with. Yet I KNEW I was doing the right thing.
I was lucky enough to have people in my life that knew how to be either supportive... Or simply state their opinion and be quiet, while I went through my process. But most of these things are in regards to people's personal goals....
Now to you Beck... I have a question... Please give me an example of a situation where a person may have a goal that one could perceive is not good for the "relationship"? I'm not sure what you mean here...
But if I get where your going then let me know if it is something like this.... I once dated a guy who was an olympic hopeful in college. At some point he thought it would be best in his career if he attended another school in another state. Now of course if he left then we mostly wouldn't have dated anymore. I encouraged him to go... because that was his dream. I had no doubts about do so either... Is what you are refering to long these lines?
Please explain your thought about something not good for the relationship in how it would apply to a marriage... After all I wouldn't support something if I thought it was going to harm my marriage...
Kitty
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Post by Beck on Dec 10, 2007 16:24:18 GMT -5
Sister kitty, I wasnt going there with the word push... I actually thought what you said in your earlier post was encouraging.
As far as my question kitty...Lets just say that your husband has a ton of potential, but all he wants to do is work for the local game store because he can get free games for his XBox 360. thats his goal in life and thats all he is motivated to do.. when you challenge him about going back to school and finishing his degree he says thats not what he wants to do anymore... Will you respect his views KNOWING that he is just being passive about his future or will you challenge his thought process and push him to be all that God has designed for him to be. Or simply walk away... Some women will get frustrated because things arent going their way and simply forget about potential and go find another one.
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Post by Jasmine on Dec 10, 2007 18:42:24 GMT -5
Sister kitty, I wasnt going there with the word push... I actually thought what you said in your earlier post was encouraging. As far as my question kitty...Lets just say that your husband has a ton of potential, but all he wants to do is work for the local game store because he can get free games for his XBox 360. thats his goal in life and thats all he is motivated to do.. when you challenge him about going back to school and finishing his degree he says thats not what he wants to do anymore... Will you respect his views KNOWING that he is just being passive about his future or will you challenge his thought process and push him to be all that God has designed for him to be. Or simply walk away... Some women will get frustrated because things arent going their way and simply forget about potential and go find another one. hmm good job laying that out like that. I'd kick him to the curb..loser! ;D J/K.. I'm all about motivation, even those who don't want to be motivated. |
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Post by kitty on Dec 10, 2007 22:05:37 GMT -5
Wow Beck....
For something like that to happen I musta married someone right outta high school...No grammar school!!!
OK.... let me take a deep breath before i answer that one....
First off... I think it may be one thing if the guy had dreams goals and plans but just happened to fall off the wagon... Maybe he had a set back... Maybe he got discouraged. In that case I have no problems giving him some space for a second and then. Gently starting to talk with him about the issue. It is a matter of fear then I can build him up.
BUT>>>> If this is some guy that never had any goals ever.... And there are people that are like that. Then mostly likely we would have never gone on date number one. It WOULD be truly an act of God that I married that kind of guy.
Then I would have to stay before the Lord as to what he wanted me to do... If someone doesn't have goals and plans for their life and all the want to be is a couch potatoe then I'm not sure what we would have in common.
Point blank Beck I would need to ask... what does that guy bring to the table? Now again this is different if the person I am married to is going through a rough patch. It may even be a long time before they pull it together but I can go the distance because I know the person at least at one time had some husle and pep in his step.
But I wouldn't be tied to someone that never had it.... We would be unevenly yoked in my opinion.... I can see all kind of problems there...
I think it is one thing to be a motivator.... it is another to be someone's mother! I'm looking to be a wife not a mother or a nag! I don't want to waste my time pushing someone to do something that they really don't want to do... I'm great for the person that all they need is for someone to believe in them... that I can do.
After all... I ain't no Juanita Bynum! I ain't "Birthing out No Grown Men"!
Now I wouldn't leave the marriage if for some reason God placed me in that situation... But I might just be urging him to go out and cheat so I can be free! LOL
Kitty
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Post by kitty on Dec 10, 2007 22:19:21 GMT -5
By the way Beck....
Would the person your describing even be husband material? If so explain....
Side bar>>>> Your question in a way reminds me of something I see a lot of in Black churches... To us women everyone can ask if a million and one questions about if we are ready to receive a man of God....
Do we have a degree? do we have a job? do we have good credit? are we in shape? can we cook? can you have kids? Are you a proverb 31 woman? can you get a prayer though? U know you are going to have to keep your husband prayed up!
And that's fine.... But then... we are expected to be hooked up with the male version of Gomer!!!! LOL
AND were supposed to be thankful and God even broought that joker our way while you guys....
Claim that God makes presentations to YALL... and that if you don't want da one that God brought then He's surely bring you another! LOL
Please somebody tell me why that is?
Kitty
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Post by chosen on Dec 10, 2007 22:27:33 GMT -5
By the way Beck.... Would the person your describing even be husband material? If so explain.... Side bar>>>> Your question in a way reminds me of something I see a lot of in Black churches... To us women everyone can ask if a million and one questions about if we are ready to receive a man of God.... Do we have a degree? do we have a job? do we have good credit? are we in shape? can we cook? can you have kids? Are you a proverb 31 woman? can you get a prayer though? U know you are going to have to keep your husband prayed up! And that's fine.... But then... we are expected to be hooked up with the male version of Gomer!!!! LOL AND were supposed to be thankful and God even broought that joker our way while you guys.... Claim that God makes presentations to YALL... and that if you don't want da one that God brought then He's surely bring you another! LOL Please somebody tell me why that is? Kitty you are are right girl, ROFLOL ;D |
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What are you going to need in place in your life to handle that 