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Post by livinganewlife on Dec 14, 2007 15:15:02 GMT -5
There is nothing to assume that this guy would be trying to hustle to keep a roof over the heads of his children or food for them to eat... Nothing... I don't think that I or anyone else would be seen as odd for not wanting to be married to such an individual. I stated plainly that it wasn't the job that he had that was the problem... it was what was in his heart. Kitty Kitty this is topic is good....... I know you weren't talking to me but based on the statements above I must respond with this: Kitty, the one thing about this game attendant situation is that the Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord. The very idea that this brother in the game store is trying to be a husband, provider and family mans lets me know that the favor of God is upon him....... So to say that he is not successful would be a disservice because according to the word he has obtained the favor of God.... And as a wife always remember that you are your husband's favor......and ask God what is it I need to do to make sure my husband maintain his favor with you! Now I'm not saying go out and fall in love with game attendant as I am a student of believing that God will give you what's appealing to you both naturally and spiritually.... It's just once your eyes become more focused on God spiritually your natural desires seem to fade away somewhere and you begin to think differently, desire differently and need different things...... I will say this you asked did God let anyone know what area they would need to help (minister) their husbands in before they got married....and even though I never really prayed for a husband the Lord revealed to me early on that I would have to help my husband work through depressions and fears that stemmed from his childhood...and the Lord even revealed to me that my going through a rough emotional time was only to benefit my husband and wow is all I can say............ I needed to be broken in order to understand the pain that others were feeling .......... |
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 14, 2007 16:09:11 GMT -5
Giants, You are one in a million man! Your wife is blessed indeed... I hear from plenty of men all the time, saved and unsaved... that state that their biggest fear about marriage and wives is that she will gain weight and never lose it... Kitty I dont think I am one in a million. I am just the man for her as she is the woman for me. Its all about the desire for the Will of God in your life. Once God reveals HIS desire thats what becomes the focus. |
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Post by kitty on Dec 14, 2007 16:26:25 GMT -5
Livingwife... Nikkol,,, and others...
The guy at the shop is a hypothetical person that was created by Beck...
You all are placing characterstics on this individual that may or may not be there....
Beck's question to me was basically did I think I could inspire someone who doesn't have any goals or aspirations...
Not whether or not I think a man needs to have a certain job or make a certain amout of money...
I'm not quite sure I understand why all the assumptions are being made?
There are indeed men in the world who have no desire to work or provide for their families... That's one of the reasons that so many of our people are on welfare... Let's not pretend that's not a fact.
Thus there are also people are ar "slackers" in thwe world. Not because the are bad people, but because they are immature... Most of the guys who only desire is to play video games...do so all the time. I happen to know a few...
So I'm not quite sure where this idea that a person who only has a job so they can play more games is supposed a "Godly" Husband...
Just as there are plenty of women in the world that we are quick to claim are unready, immature, and not good canadiates for marriage... the same goes for men... I would suspect that this type of guy that is described would fall into that category. But ultimately that wouldn't be for me to decide but God....
Kitty
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Post by Nikkol on Dec 15, 2007 16:05:59 GMT -5
Nikkol, I'm not sure why you are making the assumption that this guy is able to support a wife and kids... In fact according to Beck the only reason this guy is working at all at the game shop is so he can get more games to play for free... There is nothing to assume that this guy would be trying to hustle to keep a roof over the heads of his children or food for them to eat... Nothing... I don't think that I or anyone else would be seen as odd for not wanting to be married to such an individual. I stated plainly that it wasn't the job that he had that was the problem... it was what was in his heart. I never stated or implied that people that don't have certain jobs or make a certain amount of money wouldb't be good marriage partners so I'm not sure why you would get the impression that I see marriage as a "status symbol". But then again... you saw me as selfish for not wanting to share a husband in a polygamous situation so go figure... Why try to FIGURE YOU out? Kitty LOL.... Kitty, did you really read what I said?  ?? Anyways, I know that it was hypothetical situation. Also, I don't recall EVER saying that a person was selfish because they didn't believe in polygamy... but if you could verify this or what scripture base that I used, I would appreciate that. Kitty, you know me by now in and off the board, I don't think that you or anyone else could really figure any of us out. :-D But I do think that it can create good relationships with much spontaneity. Side Note: I believe that welfare has become people's "husband" because in some ways a person will do better and have more things if they are on welfare than if they are married. You live in Philly now so I'll assume that you see how housing developments are built specifically for those on welfare and those that don't and are married can't move in those areas. There's an area going up towards Manayunk... nice houses that were built for low income/welfare which for many in that area or single moms. But when a person is married and is making maybe 50K total, they can't get into those... however, they'll be told that they're building more homes around 300K. So granted there are men that don't want to do anything... but it's important that we find out what the root of why they don't and when it comes down to it, can most men compete with welfare? No. And once women make a little more, welfare is cut so much... which is why some people aren't willing to do more than they are because they become dependent..... |
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Post by Jasmine on Dec 15, 2007 20:59:50 GMT -5
This is where I see a conflict. Vision isnt always job related. A person could be full of vision and that vision may have nothing to do with their career. Neither is passion job related. A person can have a passion for God and for the things of God, yet God has not called them to start a business, nor become a game designer. God might very well want that person in that video game store because their light will shine to people every single day for the glory of God. That person might be able to witness Jesus to thousands of souls in their lifetime and that would have far more eternal weight of glory because what they did was for the Lord. We have to shake the mindset that everyone will be running corporations and preaching to millions. Someone has be a janitor. Someone has to be a bus driver. Someone has to clean bathrooms, and those people dont necessarily have less vision or purpose or less identity than the person called to be a part of an international conglomerate. Success is not determined by your wallet because our lives do not consist of the abundance of things they possess. Success is simply put doing the will of God for YOUR life. That is true measure of success. So a person could very well be a worker at Gamestop and be totally successful and be doing the will of God for their life. I had no issue with it because I dont believe that GOD would ver choose something for me that wouldnt be a blessing to me. I didnt wish for anything different because my desire is to do the will of God. Once God revealed HIS will then that where my desire becomes focused. My wife is 5'8" and while she is tall she isnt a 16. I am not putting her size out there cause if I did she would probably kill me. I said that God dont expect her weight to settle to around 16-20 after she loses weight and has a few children. So essentially she would lose weight down to around a 16 and then gain some back after a few children. Suffice it to say she is larger than a 20. And I had absolutely no issue with that. I will say this, I havent known a woman yet who is down for her man like her. She listens when I am upset, discouraged and confused. She encourages me when I am down. She challenges me to be all that I can be in Jesus. When my mother died she was a tremendous source of comfort and support. She extends herself when she isnt asked. Why would I give that up for a dress size or two ?? Indeed YOUR help meet. She was designed for you and of course I don't need to tell you or remind you of that. I have been watching and reading the post,and as I continue going through, Im sure..i'll respond |
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Post by Jasmine on Dec 15, 2007 21:00:49 GMT -5
Giants, You are one in a million man! Your wife is blessed indeed... I hear from plenty of men all the time, saved and unsaved... that state that their biggest fear about marriage and wives is that she will gain weight and never lose it... Kitty men of God..or men in general? |
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Post by Jasmine on Dec 15, 2007 22:12:14 GMT -5
Livingwife... Nikkol,,, and others... The guy at the shop is a hypothetical person that was created by Beck... You all are placing characterstics on this individual that may or may not be there.... Beck's question to me was basically did I think I could inspire someone who doesn't have any goals or aspirations... Not whether or not I think a man needs to have a certain job or make a certain amout of money... I'm not quite sure I understand why all the assumptions are being made? There are indeed men in the world who have no desire to work or provide for their families... That's one of the reasons that so many of our people are on welfare... Let's not pretend that's not a fact. Thus there are also people are ar "slackers" in thwe world. Not because the are bad people, but because they are immature... Most of the guys who only desire is to play video games...do so all the time. I happen to know a few... So I'm not quite sure where this idea that a person who only has a job so they can play more games is supposed a "Godly" Husband... Just as there are plenty of women in the world that we are quick to claim are unready, immature, and not good canadiates for marriage... the same goes for men... I would suspect that this type of guy that is described would fall into that category. But ultimately that wouldn't be for me to decide but God.... Kitty With this hypothetical person, Just because he works in a game store, doesn't necessarily mean he works there because...he wants to play video games all day. Most individuals who are so engulfed with videos have a interest in programming..which is an industry with a $50,000 + income A MONTH if hired by the right company. So if I could make that kind of money sitting around playing games all day...ha! count me in. Now I understand this may be a local game store, but its a start right? I also believe that so many of our people are on welfare because its easy to LIE and get over. Just the other day I saw a lady in the store, she had a gold ring on every finger, her kids were DRESSED from head to toe..she had a roll of cash in her hand, she had a gucci bag on her arm..but yet she used an EBT/WELFARE card to pay for her groceries....hmm She's getting over..and doing it quite well. If the government gave me $500 dollars amonth for groceries, free medical, do you realize how much money I would save. Today I spent $173.42 on groceries today and I wanted to CRY..I aint broke..still got money...but its a crying shame that I had to spend $15.00 for 3 ribeye steaks.. R u Serious! Sorry for the rant, but when I looked at the posts there is this perception that we should arrive to our mates or them to us with everything. And thats not the case. ANd if you look for a man that has this, or that..you just may miss the man that GOD has selected, because he appears that he isn't going anywhere. God will never steer us wrong. I just met a couple who achieved wealth by signing people up for telephone service. They don't go to a job, they dress like bums (for real) but they make over $200,000 dollars a month. His wife was telling me that when thy met he was HOMELESS. Didn't have a place to stay, lived out of his car. and now look at him.. making over $200.000 dollars a month. Debt free, owns a beautiful house. Just imagine if she said..He ain't trying to go nowhere. |
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Post by giantsdodie on Dec 17, 2007 9:54:21 GMT -5
What about the list of what YOU need to be. Thats the most important lists you can make.
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Post by And Such Were Some Of You on Dec 17, 2007 10:19:10 GMT -5
What about the list of what YOU need to be. Thats the most important lists you can make. Agreed |
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Post by kitty on Dec 17, 2007 10:36:38 GMT -5
I always find it interesting when people can constantlly tell a woman about what all she lacks in being a wife... tell her she's not ready... tell her she needs to be a wife before she even gets the husband... Yet we never stress on a man living up to any standards to be a husband.
All he has to do is declare he's a Christian and nothing more...
Not to mention if a woman states that she desires certain qualities in a man... we may question her as to what qualities does she have to balance that man out? In other words... Is she good enough?
But she can be a hard working woman with all the wonderful qualities in the world and she is not to blink if we suggest she marry the bum off the street... Not for a second is anyone to question what qualities does he have to balance her?
Why is that?
Kitty
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Post by livinganewlife on Dec 17, 2007 11:09:46 GMT -5
I always find it interesting when people can constantlly tell a woman about what all she lacks in being a wife... tell her she's not ready... tell her she needs to be a wife before she even gets the husband... Yet we never stress on a man living up to any standards to be a husband. All he has to do is declare he's a Christian and nothing more... Not to mention if a woman states that she desires certain qualities in a man... we may question her as to what qualities does she have to balance that man out? In other words... Is she good enough? But she can be a hard working woman with all the wonderful qualities in the world and she is not to blink if we suggest she marry the bum off the street... Not for a second is anyone to question what qualities does he have to balance her? Why is that? Kitty This is an area where the church has failed women.....and to many brother feel that all they have to do is show up and say I am Christian...... no one put any criteria on men..... And I loved that a together complete women always had to help bring a man to his full potential....... maybe this is only in the black community though....... |
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Post by kitty on Dec 17, 2007 11:25:50 GMT -5
Livingwife...
I am wondering where is idea is coming from? That some how in the Black community the woman is now... Not only responsible for pulling herself together but also pulling the man to get it together too?
And just from the responses that I received about this "hypothetical man" I would take it one step futher to say that people expect Black women to go beyond what is typically expected to be a wifes role in supporting a husband... But the "birth him out" too!
In fact based on these responses I'm not sure even what people expect the role of a Godly husabnd to be?
Because if he's some where playing vidoe games all day while I'm working to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on the children... Then declaring he's the head of the household and want me to hand my paycheck over to him... I don't call that a husband... I call that a PIMP! LOL
Kitty
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Post by livinganewlife on Dec 17, 2007 11:46:18 GMT -5
Livingwife... I am wondering where is idea is coming from? That some how in the Black community the woman is now... Not only responsible for pulling herself together but also pulling the man to get it together too? And just from the responses that I received about this "hypothetical man" I would take it one step futher to say that people expect Black women to go beyond what is typically expected to be a wifes role in supporting a husband... But the "birth him out" too! In fact based on these responses I'm not sure even what people expect the role of a Godly husabnd to be? Because if he's some where playing vidoe games all day while I'm working to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on the children... Then declaring he's the head of the household and want me to hand my paycheck over to him... I don't call that a husband... I call that a PIMP! LOL Kitty I of course have had major issues with the role of women helping push men to their potential..... I think that this concept maybe a mix of the "black power movement" and propeganda......I am very careful about what secular movies, magazines etc that I allow into my spirit...... Because these days you have movies (Daddy's Little Girls) that have high powered executive black woman with a blue collar man with three children and baby mamma drama and everyone is walking around proclaiming how good that movie was...... You have Essence magazines out here telling women that there are no black men and that black women should do more to lift up there brothers......... Nowhere in the Bible have I read yet a story of a man who didn't have anything to provide for his wife.....that all the man did was showed up and the woman helped birth him out..... |
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Post by Beck on Dec 17, 2007 11:59:15 GMT -5
I always find it interesting when people can constantlly tell a woman about what all she lacks in being a wife... tell her she's not ready... tell her she needs to be a wife before she even gets the husband... Yet we never stress on a man living up to any standards to be a husband. All he has to do is declare he's a Christian and nothing more... Not to mention if a woman states that she desires certain qualities in a man... we may question her as to what qualities does she have to balance that man out? In other words... Is she good enough? But she can be a hard working woman with all the wonderful qualities in the world and she is not to blink if we suggest she marry the bum off the street... Not for a second is anyone to question what qualities does he have to balance her? Why is that? Kitty Sorry but I disagree with that... maybe its because I am a man..but majority of the time I hear about what men need to be... a provider, a God fearing man, A man that don't work, wont eat, he he doesn't take care of his house...he is worse than a unbeliever, husband love your wife as Christ loved the church... etc etc etc. Men are held to a very high standard...and we should be... For some women, they don't want a thing in life...no desires to do anything, but wants the best of the bunch. Well if you want the best BE THE BEST. Stop looking around for Mr 6 figures just so you can quit your job and watch TV all day... MOTIVES ARE ALL JACKED UP. Why should God give any of us what we want, knowing it would make us less productive as a HUMAN? Same thing goes for the husband... Don't settle for less..just because the wife has money, house and a car? Get your self together and be a provider..Love her unconditionally and support her emotionally. Men shouldn't choose a wife because of her...uhmm "applebottom"...but they should choose a wife because of her integrity, character, and her Love for the all mighty... the problem most men have is that they choose a woman based on the outside appearance and look past the fact that she is nasty, evil, and full of the devil...LOL. Some women choose their husband based on a shoe size, and his bank account...looking past the fact that he has woman thongs in his drawer, and his momma still comes over and cleans his house for him. Okay... I said enough...LOL |
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Post by kitty on Dec 17, 2007 12:10:08 GMT -5
Living....
I know what you mean... Now I personally didn't have a problem with Daddy's Little Girls because the guy actually did have good qualities as a person and he and goals, vision and a desire to support his family and own a business.
In the movie... The leading lady "excutive black woman" simply gave him a supportive role... But she didn't have to "fork over the money" to birthout his business or "completely recreate him".
I too have noticed the idea that there is a distinct push to connect the blue collar worker with the high powered excutive female. Now I think that's just fine if he was with her when she had nothing, paid for her college tutition while she was in school or is supporting her in general. But this is not what people are really pushing....
Now before people come in and start declaring that this about a difference in money and job positions... Not that's not the case... What i questioning is the fact that there seems to be almost a role reversal here of the man and the woman.... That is what I am questioning....
It goes much deeper than bank accounts and status.... It's suggesting that man not woman is the weaker vessel.....
Kitty
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